Wednesday, August 22, 2007

My Sacred Life Day 3

This is my water sanctuary, otherwise known as my bathtub. I live alone with LoveHubbie, who only uses it once every couple of years, so it is truly mine. A day without a bath is a tougher day than necessary, because it is so luxurious to simply sit and enjoy the warmth and the water.

Actually, I view my bathtub as really extraordinary, but it qualifies as an everyday sacred part of my life, because I use it daily and it feels precious to me. I know that fancier bathtubs probably exist, like those with bubbles and other fancy accoutrements, but this bathtub is my favorite...I don't like bubbles and such. Just lots of warm, deep water.

I grew up in an authoritarian home sharing a small bathtub with many family members. When I was 16 my father came into the bathroom to measure the water in the tub (we were allowed to pour two inches only) and discovered that I was over the limit. Way over, by three he forbade me to ever take a bath in his house again. For the next two years I took showers only.

So now, many years later, I take real satisfaction at having my own very, very nice bath. Since I've left home, I've only gradually, over many, many years, learned to escape my upbringing and many of the uncomfortable choices I made on my own as a young adult. Only in mid-life have I felt free enough to discover who I am and at last finally had the courage to begin to be that person.

~Picture by Me


Lynn said...

What an incrediable sad story. Was your family THAT poor? Such a strong punishment. I'm sorry you had that experience, but glad you are being gentle with yourself now and have a wonderful deep tub to enjoy today!

Carla said...

Olivia, your bathtub is BEAUTIFUL! I dream of having a bathtub like yours someday. It makes me happy to know you have a big nice bath of your own.

"Only in mid-life have I felt free enough to discover who I am and at last finally had the courage to begin to be that person."

Me too. A friend of mine who's now in her early 70s said today it really does take a lifetime to grow into who we are.

Olivia said...

Lynn, my family was very middle class, but my father was an army officer who found security and satisfaction in strict rules. It is so weird now but to us then it was normal!

Thank you, Carla, I'm glad you love my bathtub too...and I wish for one that you love well, someday soon too :) I also appreciate what you wrote about your friend saying that "it takes a lifetime to grow into who we are"; that's a healthy way of looking at things. I've felt late, behind, slow, and have judged mostly myself but others, too (including my brand of religious fundamentalism) for my being where I am. I'd rather just focus on being grateful for having a chance, even now in the late summer of my life to "emerge".

Thank you, both, Lynn and Carla, for sharing your thoughts today.

Karen said...

Oooooh--your tub is gorgeous! I dream of someday having a tub like that in my master bath--a deep tub where I can take long soaks...

I'm so glad you're allowing yourself these freedoms. My goal is to become more real every day.

Olivia said...

Thanks, Karen---what a great goal---to become more real every day!