Loving Someone Unconditionally Doesn't Mean Putting Up With Their Behavior Unconditionally

Don't miss this three minute video of wisdom from Martha Beck. I think I'm going to watch this every day for a while...good stuff. What do you think?

Not Only Joy

A follow-up to yesterday's "Share the Joy Thursday":

"We could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world."~Helen Keller (and she should know)

I want to feel it all, be grateful for it all, have a full life...God, grant me the strength and courage to accept the hard things as well as the joy...

~Photo by LoveHubbie Mark edited by me

Rejection

Today I wanted to write about rejection. I knew someone once who said, "Rejection is an inside job..." and it stuck with me. It's all in how you take things.

I experienced two rejections lately.

One was from some family members, a young couple, who decided to unfriend me on Facebook. I was quite surprised as I'd never been unfriended before. For those of you who aren't familiar with Facebook, it's very easy to "hide" someone whose posts you're uninterested in..."unfriending" is a deliberate act that restricts information and access so that you cannot see any of the person's private information, including photos, and whatever else they have restricted on Facebook's privacy as to be seen by "Only Friends".  It is a deliberate exclusion. They don't want you in their life.

Of course I thought that there had been a mistake. I value my relationship with this couple and like them both a lot. There was some family drama as other family members started to get involved; I ended up calling the couple to find out what happened and straighten everything out. A lot of inexplicable excuses were used, for example, "we're trying to avoid people who play all those games" (I have never played a Facebook game).

I finally got the message that they didn't want to be in contact with me, nor did they want me to see their pictures, nor did they want me involved as they move into a new and exciting phase of their life, one that I'd been looking forward to sharing with them. It was especially frustrating that they would not be up front with me--to be fair, I think they were trying to spare my feelings, and in addition, didn't really know how to be direct. I was sad and disappointed.

I told them I wished them well, and I really do. It doesn't make sense to have people in your life that don't want to be there. I felt hurt at first, but then later was grateful to them...when I realized some things after thinking about the situation some more.

I realized that almost all of the relationship was effort I'd made. Although I valued our relationship, in retrospect, I saw that this couple never gave me any signs that they valued it. I wrote that off at the time to them being young and very busy; now I think that it was something I wanted, so I imagined it. You can do that with Facebook.

The other rejection was not being invited to an (unrelated) important family function. The person in charge assured me that it was a mistake. At first I did believe her, and then later realized that it would be almost impossible to forget inviting me, but that because of other family members who would be there, my coming could make the event a potentially  awkward situation.

I thought about it a lot, at first feeling upset and angry at being marginalized, overlooked, "forgotten". It initially triggered my vulnerabilities I'm addressing with my word for the year--valid. Very quickly, I realized that it either was indeed an innocent mistake, or else it was a semi-tactful way of keeping other family members happy. And I ultimately was fine, though still sad, about it.

I think that rejection is someone telling you, either via honest communication or something else, that you are not a fit for a particular relationship or event. In their opinion.

In the case of a relationship, I want to always honor that, and be grateful to them for letting me know. I love that the relationships I do keep are mutual and involve an investment of time, affection, caring, etc. for both parties.

In the case of an event, I want to trust that I am not supposed to be at that event at that time--for whatever reason--and be at peace with it.

So, in a way, rejection is a gift. It is a blessing. It frees up time and emotional energy for the right people, the right events, at the right time.

I now feel good things towards everyone involved, and don't feel sad, angry, or offended...in fact, I feel grateful and clear and light.

How do you process rejection?

Letting Go and Happiness

With a big weekend coming up, I am needing to have an emergency trip to the oral surgeon. What I thought was an aphthous ulcer is actually an infection all around my dental implants and possibly an abscess. It hurts to talk and can't chew at all.

We have company coming (a rare event at our house in the woods) and I am singing in a choir and as a cantor this weekend. I have two receptions to go to as well. Oh, yes, and I restarted my diet semi-fast just a couple of days ago. I'll tell you about those things later. At any rate, it's kind of bad timing here!

The only possible thing to do is to let go.

I am fortunate in that things seem to be working out. My dentist saw me as a walk-in when I was out doing errands and couldn't stand the pain anymore. He irrigated everything to remove some of the pressure from the infection. Then he himself called the oral surgeon so that I could get right in. The oral surgeon is unfortunately at his satellite office about 45 minutes south of here. However, my assistant is working with me today and able to drive with me there in case I need to have a big procedure done. It is alternating rain with hail and I am so glad it isn't snowing.

I initially felt hit by fear and anxiety when I was first told the news, but there is truly nothing to do but let go and trust that all will be well, one way or another.

Isn't that all we can ever do?

I am realizing that this can be a very spiritual day, filled with lessons and trust and love, despite all of these circumstances. And truly, every day can be this way.

Wishing you (and me too) a day of letting go, trusting, and accepting with gratitude whatever it is that comes to interrupt your plans today.