Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Share the Joy Thursday: Taking Off the Compression Garments

Writing a post about joy first thing on a Thursday morning sets the intention for joy for the whole rest of the day. It is a beautiful spiritual practice, and I'm grateful to Kim and Meri for thinking of it. 

I am back from Texas. All went well last week. Right before my colonoscopy, LoveHubbie went to the emergency room. He is okay, but getting extensive medical testing for an incredible number of problems. I still was able to have my procedure, biopsies were taken, and were cancer-free. For this I am grateful.

What brings me joy today:

Seeing my stepson and his beautiful bride start out life together as man and wife.

A very kind distant relative at the wedding who took care of my mother-in-law out of the generosity of his heart, performing an act of kindness that will stay with me a long time. Unexpected kindnesses are the best kind, and the memory of this is very touching to me. 

New beginnings, fresh starts, major life changes.

Precious friends, including all of you.

My amazing therapist.

Being able to live in the Pacific Northwest.

Surviving one of the most difficult weeks of my life.

People who have come alongside me and helped me.

My loved one getting help.

Being able to see.

I can think of an analogy for how I am feeling. During the wedding, I wore "compression garments". That's a great name for them. The ones I had were ultra-compressing. They did their job very well. For those of you who don't know what these are, they are like the old-time girdles except way more comfortable and without metal pieces and for all different parts of your body.

It was weird when I took them off though. I felt like I was releasing, letting go, "plumping out". Everything relaxed out--swelled back up--over about 15 minutes. Although I'd become used to the compression garments, when I took them off I relaxed so much in places I didn't even know I was being held in.

That's how I feel now emotionally. A large portion of some stress I've been living with for a long time has ended, and I feel myself relaxing, "plumping out", releasing and seeing the world differently. It is a soft, gentle, nurturing feeling.

Thank you, everyone, for your support on my last post. Thank you for reading, for being there, for seeing, for commenting.

~Orchid photos by LoveHubbie Mark, edited by me

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Floating In Limbo, Waiting, Learning...

It has been 17 days since I've last blogged and so much has happened, I hardly know how to catch up.

I've been "hanging in there", taking one day at a time, which for me is a triumph. I'm still here, and haven't fallen apart. Someone I care a great deal about is though (falling apart), health-wise and otherwise, making decisions that have really painful consequences. I've been working to take care of myself, to not be controlling (as much as I know how to do, a skill that I am continuing to hone daily) or interfering beyond sharing my concerns and offering my support. I've been working to not try to plan for the future, as it feels as though I'm standing on sand that is shifting below my feet and it's all I can do to not fall down or sink.

This takes up most of my life energy, of course. I don't have much creative mojo for writing or art. I know it will come back when there is the space for it.

I've missed Sacred Life Sundays, although life feels so sacred to me every single day. I feel blessed in so many ways and very happy to be alive. Happy to see.

I've missed Share the Joy Thursdays; I haven't been able to share the joy with you all, but have felt your joy as I've visited your blogs, usually not commenting, but not wanting to lose touch as I ride my roller coaster of a life. I've felt joy through much of my own each day as well, especially in the small things.

I've missed Wellness Wednesdays, but other than problems with minor anxiety-related things (e.g., insomnia, blepharospasm, globus hystericus, panic attacks, migraines, etc.), I've been remarkably healthy, one of the greatest blessings of all. I somaticize a lot, and these are things I've dealt with in the past in a less concentrated and less intense way and don't consider serious--just warning signs that my body is trying to process everything and is having difficulty. I do heed them, though, and am really focused on getting through this time. Sometimes I don't think I have the skills but really I know I do.

This weekend I'm doing the prep for a colonoscopy, which I'm having on Monday. I had one that was unsuccessful two years ago and have been working up the courage to repeat it. This definitely qualifies as a Be Brave challenge for me, as I dread them. For some weird reason, I really fear perforation of my colon--I'm actually phobic about it--but only during a colonoscopy, which limits the problem that it is in my life. It's pretty much the only thing I'm phobic about and I don't get colonoscopies. Except for this one on Monday.

Then right after the colonoscopy I'm off to my stepson's wedding. My husband is the groom's father. The rest of the family--the engaged couple, the bride's parents and the groom's mother and stepfather--have primarily been involved in the planning, not us. We are paying for part of it and are invited to much of it. It will be great for LoveHubbie to see his family, especially his adult children, and get to meet everyone--the bride and her parents, especially. It's in Texas.

In this post, I think I'm not saying more than I'm saying, but I know you will understand and hear.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011


Today I wanted to invite you to meet my new friend Rebecca. Her life, her art, her words, her blog speaks for itself. Please read this about her too. In the spirit of my Being Brave post, I want you to meet her and see someone who is truly Being Brave and reaching out to love and help others while doing so. She is an inspiration to me. 

Rebecca is joining with many other artists to have an auction that opens today to benefit Oaxaca Streetchildren:


Please join in and help this to go viral by placing a banner on your blog also, if you are touched by this--and how can you not be?

Please take the time to get to know Rebecca, as you will find your life changed today if you do. 

Blessings to you, Olivia