Loving Someone Unconditionally Doesn't Mean Putting Up With Their Behavior Unconditionally

Don't miss this three minute video of wisdom from Martha Beck. I think I'm going to watch this every day for a while...good stuff. What do you think?

[WLE#3] Staying Well While Traveling

This is another post in my Well Lifestyle Experiment (WLE).

I am going on a trip this week and want to write this to share with you what I'm going to do to stay well and have a sense of supportive well-being while I'm gone.

One is taking along healthy foods. I am going to Dallas, where of course there is healthy food, but my focus is going to be on LoveHubbie's family and not on hunting down healthy foods. And of course I'll be on a plane, so you know what's available there. Here is some of what I'm taking:

Below: These Funky Monkey snacks are really cool organic dried fruits for those hypoglycemia emergencies (LoveHubbie is diabetic and I'm pre-diabetic):

Below: These Tanka Bars are made from buffalo's that are cared for by Native Americans in a proper way. They are a tasty healthy clean meat!

Below: These Organic Food Bars are mostly raw and gluten-free. They are made with superfoods as well.

Below: Some raw nuts that I have spouted, dehydrated, and bagged. I really like sprouting and dehydrating things, in general.

I forgot to take a picture (other than the large spread) of Steve's Paleo Kits. I am new to these and am taking them because I expect most of my meals to be on my own as opposed to in restaurants. I often get migraines while traveling in Texas so having foods without chemicals, preservatives, and most importantly---MSG---will be important to being able to enjoy the trip.

Another way of staying well is having ways of reminding myself of who I am. This is always necessary for me when I'm around people who either don't know me or who don't see me as I am. I always have an early morning quiet time to connect with my Higher Power and to remind me of what I hold to be true and value. Then in addition, I try to have phone contact with people I am close to as well, if I can. And literature that grounds me. Jewelry that reminds me of a central value or concept or of my theme for the visit. Here is some jewelry I'm taking with me:

Yet another way of staying well is having alone time. If I am in a hotel, I can do that easily. Otherwise, if I'm with family and friends, I get up earlier and have a quiet time first thing. It fuels me for the rest of the day. Also, if I need time alone during the day, I take it, even if it has to be in the bathroom or in the car alone. For introverts, having alone time is crucial--it definitely is so for me. 

Lastly, I ramp up my regular fasterEFT practice. fasterEFT is a type of acupressure work that involves tapping on certain meridians at the same time you are feeling strong feelings; it is a system that is a combination of regular EFT--Emotional Freedom Techniques, NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), and hypnosis. I used regular EFT as a life coach in the past and when I practice again I plan to use fasterEFT. In the meantime, it is a type of emotional processing I use that helps to ground me. 

How do you maintain a well lifestyle while traveling?

[WLE#2] Lessons from Kikipotamus: Eat Smaller Meals

This is another post in my Well Lifestyle Experiment (WLE), and also another lesson I learned from my visit with Kelly.

Eating frequent, regular, small meals can feel so much better than a couple of large meals. Kelly and I ate three small meals plus snacks if needed while she was here. They were extremely high-quality food and tasty as well. Neither of us made a habit of going back for seconds. And I was satisfied! I didn't feel deprived or hungry between meals.

The Smarter Science of Slim is a research-based book about weight management via regulating blood glucose levels by food choices. Since I'm pre-diabetic, this book has been invaluable to me in summing up in one place everything I know and believe in about healthy eating, stuff I forget half the time, say, when I'm starving and getting ready to eat (more about this in a future post). It recommends that your meals be between 200-500 calories a day (but of foods that keep your blood sugar stable) and when I do both--eat small meals and carefully select their make-up--I feel fantastic.

Meals in restaurants are so huge compared to what my particular body actually needs. In addition, most of the people (not Kelly) that I ever eat with eat so much more than I do that I often feel odd just having a tiny meal. My biggest obstacles in following the "smaller meals" guidelines are:

(1) Fear I'll be hungry too soon.
So for this I take a "food bag" of healthy snacks with me wherever I go, so that if I accidentally eat too little, I will not get hypoglycemic. Or too hungry, which for me eventually leads to hypoglycemia. The trick is being hungry but not TOO hungry.

(2) Peer pressure.
Everyone else is eating a lot and I want to join in! Because it's FUN! That attitude isn't helpful for me and is one of the factors that has helped me to become almost 100 pounds overweight. I am learning that I can eat what my body needs and join in, having something healthy to drink as well, and not focus on the amounts. Other people may be able to handle larger amounts of food. Other people can also perhaps handle huge carb hits to their blood sugar. I cannot! Accepting this and honoring my individuality are going to be helpful for me in becoming healthier.

Have you ever tried eating small meals? Or do you eat them already? What are your challenges with this and what helpful things have you done?

[WLE#1] Lessons from Kikipotamus: Eat Simply

This is the first post in my Well Lifestyle Experiment (WLE), and also the first lesson I learned from my visit with Kelly.

Eating simply.

So obvious, you might think.

But it really isn't. And at first, it isn't the easiest thing to do. I'm more accustomed to opening packages than I am to preparing things from scratch, more used to the microwave than the stove. My palate no longer craves raw foods and green foods. I am ready to embrace eating simply again.

Eating simply can mean avoiding processed food and preparing simple, loving meals at home. Each meal is an opportunity to show yourself love and to express love for others, too. The preparation can be a time of mediation and creativity.

So much love went into the meals that Kelly and I shared, not just the deliberately planned and prepared simple meals like this one pictured here, but even the meals that took almost no time at all. When served and enjoyed in a slow, peaceful, mindful way, a meal can be an opportunity to reinforce self-love and caring instead of a necessary chore, a distraction, a guilt-ridden indulgence, or any of the myriad of other things that a meal might be.

So today I ask myself, "How might I make my meals simpler?" and "How might I show myself (and those I eat with) caring and love with what I prepare to eat?"

Wellness Wednesday: Well Lifestyle Experiments, An Invitation!

Today on Wellness Wednesday I wanted to launch a new series here at the happyluau called "Well Lifestyle Experiments" (WLE). I invite each of you to join in! This series will focus on healthy lifestyle habits, healthy aging, well being, and experimenting with supportive habits. It is an EXPERIMENT--for me, for you. With each post, I'll focus on one thing that I want to experiment with and invite you to consider it too--of course modifying it to fit your unique lifestyle and way of being in the world. In the comments we can discuss this topic and share how it's working out for us as well.

The goal of Well Lifestyle Experiments for both of us will be to figure out which habits or ideas support the lifestyle we want and which ones we want to sustain and incorporate into who we are. And to encourage each other on our journeys to live healthier, feel better, think supportively, and be authentic. So if you are reading this, consider yourself invited!


I have a wealth of ideas to start with. Initially, I'm going to choose meaningful practices from several sources: 


(1) Lessons--incredible lessons--I learned from my visit with Kelly Kikipotamus the Hobo in March. 


(2) Ideas from friends who have embraced a well-being focus, like Kate Iredale. 


(3) The Radiant Goddess e-course that I am taking, along with my friends Lori-Lyn Hurley and Jessie Marianiello. 


(4) Stuff I read elsewhere, things that the Universe serendipitously brings my way. 


(5) Great ideas you mention to me in the comments that make me want to blog and share them with everyone, instead of leaving them semi-buried and away from the search engines. 


The cool thing is that as we are going along, helping each other, I'm thinking that others will find these posts and be inspired to create healthier lifestyles, maybe in just one small area--but every small step can make a really big difference over time! Many lives can be changed for the better. 

Summoning Up My Dream

In the last two days, a theme has repeated in my life and I've had an epiphany: I've been afraid to dream dreams--life dreams, hopes, visions--for a long time, maybe since I was a young woman. So I just stopped dreaming. I've been afraid to believe.

Then on Monday, Kate's birthday, Kate launched a giveaway for her new Safe Harbor Creativity Coaching practice. It's a huge giveaway of a month of coaching with her, and she is offering some cool specials as well. I was excited to enter. Part of the entry was to leave a comment about your creative dream, which also might be what you'd like to be coached about. I really had to think on that. I have problems and issues and am very aware of what they are--that's what I work on in therapy. But dreams--creative dreams? How long has it been since I've given myself permission to have those?

So I summoned up a dream and entered Kate's contest. I wasn't sure if it fit or not. I was surprised that I could come up with one and write it in the comment.

Then on Tuesday I was reviewing a new book by Danielle LaPorte from WhiteHotTruth.com. It hasn't come out yet (I'm reviewing an advance copy), but when it does this April, you should get it. It's called The Fire Starter Sessions. It is SO good! I was just in the introduction, and Danielle wrote about how important it is to commit to dreaming about your ideal life, to make it a regular life practice, refine it every day. I thought, "Whoa! What a difference from me? I had to think to even figure out what my dream might be! How could my life shift if I allowed myself to daily refine my dreams?"

The last tap from the Universe was Tuesday also when my therapist told me about a book she had been reading about the importance of rehearsing our dreams in our heads, suggesting that I may choose to do this. I knew for sure that this was a message I needed to incorporate into my life.

As if all of that wasn't enough, today, Wednesday, Cinner wrote a post about her dream. How our dreams can change morph as life changes us. I knew these messages were all for me.

Today I wrote my dream out. After sitting with its kernel from Kate's page for a couple of days, I expanded it a bit more and wrote:

My dream is to figure out a way to have the time, energy, and belief in myself to do the things I love as a creative career: art, writing, reading, and encouraging other people, probably as a life coach. (Note: I already am a certified life coach and have a master's degree as well, so this is a doable dream. The hardest part of this dream is the initial part!)

It took so much from me to admit this to myself. I haven't spent time dwelling on it or rehearsing it yet--more just allowing it, and letting myself dip my toe into the deep end of my imagination as I try it on for size.

What is your dream? Do you allow yourself to meditate on it daily?

Or are you already living your dream? I suspect that some of you are--I have seen this happen over and over in your lives. Please share.

Wellness Wednesday: Life-Changing Wellness Seminar

About ten days ago I went to a really intense wellness seminar in Seattle. We all know about diet and how important it is to eat healthfully to have a good quality of life. We all know about exercise and how we need to keep moving in order to be able to stay mobile and healthy as we age. However, we often forget posture. I know that I did.

I have been plagued with back, neck, knee, and foot problems for years, so I had high expectations for this seminar from the Esther Gokhale Wellness Center. I was taking Gokhale Method 101, based upon the book I'd recently read, "8 Steps to a Pain-Free Back: Natural Posture Solutions for Pain in the Back, Neck, Shoulder, Hip, Knee, and Food (Remember When It Didn't Hurt)" by Esther Gokhale. This method is based upon how people throughout history have stood, have moved, and stayed healthy without all of the problems we experience in our post-industrial society. It is full of amazing pictures--a beautiful book that I've written a review of for Amazon here. If you go to the book on Amazon, you can use the "Look Inside" feature and see so much of the book (scroll down and you will see that there is a huge exerpt of the book, including pictures, that the author has made available).

Even if you just look at the pictures, I think you'll be impressed. You can actually see how differently people used to sit, stand, lie in bed, work, bend over, walk, and more.

I have begun integrating this posture practice into my life. Three days of classes were so very helpful, and now I need to follow up at home. The really good thing is that although there are some optional exercises for people like me (super out-of-shape with weak muscles)--for the most part this practice is done in the process of life itself and takes no extra time--while you're sitting, driving, moving about the house, working, playing, etc. There is also almost nothing to buy; there is an optional cushion that can help you stretch your back, but a towel or other support can be easily substituted instead. Also, there are free classes, online classes, and more.

This is not simply one person's ideas, but a new movement--a movement to help us return to some of the wise ways of our ancestors that led to health. It's really cool. I took a class in Seattle for which there was a fee, but my health problems are debilitating and I needed something intense and immediate to prevent much more money from being spent on other solutions.

Here are some pictures so that you can see some early changes in my way of moving. This picture is BEFORE, sitting normally (and up straight--I usually slump) on the edge of a chair:

This picture is two days later, after 9 hours of posture instruction:

This picture is BEFORE, standing normally. Note the swaying out in the upper back:

This picture is AFTER, standing normally. Note the straightness in the upper back:

No body cares too much about posture per se, but everyone cares about the benefits that good posture can bring. So if you'd like even more resources about this posture practice, here they are:

Can't Exercise at Work? Try StretchSitting (this is an article describing a particular posture practice in a bit of detail)

Video of Esther Gokhale talk at Google (this is a longer talk given for those of you who are very interested--it's wonderful though!)

Preview of book (8 Steps to a Pain-Free Back) on Google

Great book review along with picture of Esther Gokhale (the founder) bending as she sits (you can really, really see how Esther has an unconventionally healthy back)


I plan on continuing with this for a long, long time. I look forward to the health benefits that will ensue!

Sacred Life Sunday: The Fragility of Life and Diabetes

Today in church I heard much about the fragility of life. It really got me thinking. I've had a lot of feedback about my post yesterday, all of which I really appreciate, even though some of it was not positive. Yes, it's true: I have a family member who is reliably negative about everything I do. This person took my post as "a big long whine" and a plea for support. I did a lot of thinking about how this post may have come across. I like to use my family member to flesh out the gnarly side of life. So I wanted to clarify a few things.

I appreciate the support I get here so much. It is my main support in life, and I really do value it so much.

With my lifestyle changes...I fully expect that I will be the one who has to do most of the supporting of myself, and as I mentioned, this ongoing support, almost a positive kind of brainwashing, will be vital. I need to constantly remind myself of what I'm doing and why. I need to feed my mind supportive literature and podcasts and self-talk. I need to buck the culture that pushes me to eat certain things for social reasons. That's been my downfall in the past.

Not everyone needs to eat a rigorous diet. Moderation is a beautiful way of living and I believe in it. Green smoothies (not just a food item but an way of eating popularized by Victoria Boutenko in 2005 in her book "Green for Life" and others) are working out well for Julia. I drank green smoothies for months when I was totally raw and also at another time when I was without most of my teeth and yet wanted to keep a clean diet; again, a healthy way of ingesting nutrients. I have training as a raw chef, have been vegetarian and vegan and totally raw, and as I wrote, am familiar with many other different healthy ways of eating and of weight management, having studied nutrition for over thirty years. I am talking about something quite a bit different. Something that has to do with the fragility of life.

I have a friend, a Hawaiian teacher (kumu), the one I was writing my book with initially. He has diabetes, just like my husband, and just like I will if I keep on eating healthfully while including carbohydrates in my diet. In the almost three years that I have been working on my book, my friend has gone from being healthier than I am, to being ill, to losing his eyesight and then one by one, each of his legs and most of his fingers. Diabetes is a special disease. It may seem to be a common problem, more of an inconvenience almost, and it is, but it can suddenly and without warning, turn deadly. Peripheral neuropathy is incredibly painful. So I saw my friend deteriorate swiftly and surely.

Diabetes must be taken seriously. I see my husband going down a similar path to that of our friend's. Someone who knows he has diabetes baked him special treats and sweets for Christmas as a loving gift of her expertise, not really understanding that for a diabetic, sugar is a killer...someone in his office baked him homemade goods daily for weeks and would leave them in the break room for him, because he is such a hard worker and deserves them, in her mind. He has progressed to the point where he will need to begin to inject insulin soon, despite all of the medication he is taking, because he can not seem to modify his diet. He is tired all the time and continues to gain weight.

It is up to the individual to make intensely personal decisions about how stringently they need to eat and what they want their quality of life to be. After extensive research first for LoveHubbie and now for myself, I know exactly how to eat. I have just delayed. Been afraid of change and allowed myself to buy into a story that makes it "hard" for me to do anything else. But I can just as easily do the hard work of being different and having a different story. This is what I've decided to do!

So I meant the post from yesterday to be kind of a confession of my general laziness and of my ability to buy into a "oh I can just live like everyone else" type of denial. I didn't mean it as a whine but as a transparency of my hitting bottom that is hopeful and exciting and adventurous because I've finally gotten the message. I can indeed write the story of my life differently, and I am ready to do the work. I can and will show the integrity that is so important to me and so vital to my experience of who I am in the world.

I appreciate your reminders to be gentle and compassionate with myself and I will. I promise.

Most important of all, I've truly realized in the last day or so that it is absolutely, positively A-OK that change is hard and uncomfortable right now. I've let that stop me for too long. I've let it discourage me and dissuade me from doing what I know is right for me. Hard---okay, check. Yes, yes. Uncomfortable---okay, check. Yes, absolutely. I can handle this. I'll do the mindful thing. Breathe. Get through this. Observe. Breathe. I know that my path is leading me toward abundant life, which is all that matters to me right now.

This road is not for everyone. But I can say that I wish that it had been the road for my friend. And that I wish it will be some day for LoveHubbie. And that I'm glad it's here for me to provide an alternative for me.

Thank each one of you for what you wrote, and to those who supported me off the blog as well (especially@livinlowcarbman). A special thanks to my cranky family member whom I love and who brings out the negative in every situation---you are my greatest teacher on the road to love.


~Photo from 1980 taken by Roderick Lee Dail

Livin' With Integrity and La Vida Low-Carb and Me

This morning I rewatched an Amazon video review I did for Jimmy Moore's first book called "Livin' La Vida Low-Carb" and almost cried. Here it is 2.5 years later, and as much as I believe in this way of eating, I am still just as heavy. My extensive knowledge base has been bolstered by numerous other books about healthy eating since then, the two most notable being Gary Taubes' "Good Calories, Bad Calories" (especially for academicians and scientists) and Nora Gedgaudes "Primal Body Primal Mind".

I definitely know how to eat for my own health, as nutrition has been my hobby for over thirty years. The problem is that as extensive as my knowledge base is, I've continued to eat a diet that despite lots of Nordic walking and gyrotonics, keeps me heavy. It's a good diet--healthy whole organic foods, which are easy to find where I live. It just keeps me heavy and does nothing for my damaged blood sugar regulation system. Despite even cutting out drinking alcohol (a drastic step for me as a wine lover), I've become pre-diabetic. And then late last year I had to stop gyrotonics because of health issues. Now I'm having to cut back on walking due to problems with my knees and feet. I do believe that these health problems are weight related. Besides all of this going on with me, LoveHubbie is diabetic, heavy and soon may need to begin injecting insulin since the medication alone cannot overcome the effects of the carbohydrates in his diet.

So now Jimmy Moore has written a second book called "21 Life Lessons From Livin' La Vida Low-Carb: How The Healthy Low-Carb Lifestyle Changed Everything I Thought I Knew", which I have delayed reviewing. And reading it, btw. This is not like me because Jimmy is the greatest guy in the world, and I love to do book reviews for people I know, even more for those who have an important message. But still, I have delayed.

The reason is fear.

Although I identify with this way of eating (healthy low carb), with this way of being in the world, and although I feel great when I live this lifestyle--I am afraid to change. I am comfortable and my way of doing things works for me on every other level except my health. And I really don't like that period of change at the beginning when change is hard and uncomfortable and takes effort and hard work.

So here I stay.

False starts and stumbles over the past months have left me feeling defeated. I watch my friends succeed and do great things. Like Julia Rogers Hamrick who is eating a healthy raw and whole foods diet and shedding pounds. And Lori-Lyn who is vegan and now giving up sugar. And Chani who has lost her weight with Weight Watchers. They have found what works for them, ways of being in the world that resonate for them, and live them out. I am envious of their integrity--that they live out what they know is right for them. They walk their talk.

And here I sit.

But I feel like I've hit bottom and I'm sitting AT the bottom--a place where I don't want to be.

So I'm going to make another beginning. I'm starting right now to eat the way I know my body loves. I'm going to care for myself. Be congruent with what I know and believe and with how I behave. I'm going to aggressively support myself in doing this, too, because I need a lot of support.

Oh, and yes, Jimmy, I'm going to actually read your book that has been sitting here on my "To Be Read ASAP" pile for the last three months. Then I'm going to review it. But most importantly, I'm going to live out what it says.

Wellness Wednesday: Rant---the H1N1 Vaccination---Decide!

This is so controversial, but important for me to post.

Whether or not you get the H1N1 vaccination is up to you. It is such a personal decision. No one should be forced to get it. However, everyone should make a conscious decision for themselves.

Here are the facts:
(1) The H1N1 vaccination has not been tested the way it should have been. It may not be safe. It may or may not even be effective. We don't truly know. It's impossible to tell who to believe or to trust those who think they "know".
(2) The H1N1 vaccination can have terrible, even deadly side effects.
(3) The H1N1 vaccination will have limited usefulness unless a critical mass of people in a given area receive the vaccination.
(4) The H1N1 vaccination may actually compromise your own immunity to the H1N1 virus or to viruses in the future.

And more facts:
(1) The H1N1 virus itself may or may not erupt and become terrible. It may, or it may die out.
(2) The H1N1 virus itself may be mild and surviving it may result in increased immunity.

However, I got an H1N1 vaccination. So did LoveHubbie (the physician, the first responder). Why?

Because here in our little town in Washington, and other places as well, maybe your town, people are dying from H1N1. At our hospital, where LoveHubbie works. People who did not fit the profile and without known underlying health problems. Three people so far have died there in the last month. And it's not being reported in the papers as far as we can tell.

Each person must compare the potential risks and rewards in an educated way and decide for themselves. Compare how you feel about the risk of the vaccination and the risk of acquiring and surviving the virus and make an intelligent and personal decision. Weigh what you can know for sure.

A family member is not getting the vaccination because he "heard about that cheerleader". Don't be like him. Research the facts. Really think about this. Pray about it, if you pray. Do due diligence.

No matter what you decide, no one knows what the right decision is for you, no matter what they say. No one. Too many variables are uncertain and unknown. There is no one known right decision that is right for everyone. So we have to do the best we can, each of us, and then live with whatever the outcome is.

LoveHubbie and I decided that we would take on the risks of the H1N1 vaccine because the risks of doing so for us were way less worse for us than the risks of acquiring the H1N1 virus. And LoveHubbie goes to the hospital where it is spreading every day of his life. That's our decision. But it may not be yours. We know we still might yet have a reaction to it, that it is poison to our bodies, after all. You need to decide what is right for you. Just don't NOT decide, don't remain ignorant.

Quick Health Note: Take Probiotics With Antibiotics

Now there are good reasons to take probiotics with antibiotics, discussed in this article in The Health Insider. I take probiotics every day, but never with antibiotics, thinking that the antibiotics would kill off all the probiotics. No, they still help, apparently.

Just thought I'd share this little tidbit with you. It's a bit off the beaten path for happyluau, but not for me personally. I have a huge interest in alternative health, am a foodie, have been a raw foodist, and do my best now to follow clean and healthy and enjoyable eating!




~Photos by LoveHubbie Mark

What the World Eats

Although this has made the rounds on the Internet, some of you may not have seen it, and it's worth checking out. It illustrates what a family spends on food each week in each of various countries, showing a picture of the family and a picture of the actual food they eat. Note the amount of processed food each family eats, especially the family from the United States!

Relationships and Business on an Out-of-the-Office Day

I thought that after such a downer post, I'd follow with something more positive. It is, afterall, the happyluau!

Today I am having an out-of-the-office day.

What I enjoy most about my work is what I enjoy most about life---the relationships. I love forming relationships, the interacting, the sharing of ideas and feelings, and the continuance of the relationship via mutual support and nurturing. I think that's why I enjoy Facebook and Twitter---they are tools for connecting and for nurturing relationships. So are emails, phone calls, letters, and even visits---in-person and face-to-face relating.

I spoke to a mentor of mine yesterday and he encouraged me to emphasize in my job the relationship part of relationship marketing---building the relationships and allowing the business part settle in to whatever is best for the other person. Emphasizing the relationship and caring. The rest will take care of itself. This seems soft and unbusiness-like, but it appeals to me greatly. I am going to dinner tonight with someone interested in joining my organization, and my most important goal is to listen to her, to help her feel heard and honored, and to help her decide if my group is something that is right for her. In contrast to what I've been blogging about lately, this type of activity feels so right.

In the meantime, I am getting caught up on housework, laundry, processing the mail, exercising, doing the dishes, and the like---all things which now feel very holy and special to me. At home, looking out at the woods, all feels sacred, and I look forward to the day. After a night of no nightmares.

Wellness Wednesday: Working in an Office

Well, here I am working at my office on Wellness Wednesday. My job is explaining products that help patients achieve a greater level of wellness. The work is very slow, which is why I have time to get to figure out how to use my new iMac, as well as blog here---this may be a good thing. 

It's funny that I'm working in an office supporting wellness, because I'm thinking that working in an office environment might not really support my own wellness.

I'm in an office which is very nice as far as offices go. It doesn't have any windows (unlike my house) so I feel like I'm in a nice walk-in closet. It is also very, very warm. Sauna-warm, which everyone else here likes. LoveHubbie brought in a fan, which helps circulate the air and makes a big difference; I can already tell I'm going to be less drained today than yesterday.

The weather outside is at last delightful, and I'm indoors. Admittedly, my timing has been off for some time.

I keep appealing to the altruistic side of me, the part that really, really wants to help people. I want to make a difference! I also keep appealing to the my ambitious side, the part that wants to build a business. I also keep telling myself that I need to stick with this for a while and see if I can earn some money, that it takes time. And I really don't want to let anyone down. Despite the appeals, I still am not having any success in being happy about being inside. About being here.

Ok, so I hate it. 

Last night I had nightmares about being arrested by the US Government and dunked naked into a cesspool of smelly water swimming with large worms that attached themselves to me like leeches. I was going to jail for at least a year and wouldn't be allowed access to any of the things I needed. It was a rather severe jail without any amenities or services (like newspapers or television or medical care). It was really hot there too. I woke up screaming and with a bad migraine. 

This was not a good sign.

I could tell it was a sign, too, and that I should listen to it even though I don't want to.

Today I've been reflecting in my closet office. I really want to make a contribution here, but I'm not yet convinced that this is going to work for me. More than anything I miss my "mind freedom"---the many opportunities I had during the day to let my mind roam free, to think about things, to mull things over during mindless but oh-so-calming household tasks. I think that a lot of my days at home were spent in a kind of meditation, wandering around doing things but also absorbing the beauty of nature. I also miss the schedule freedom---the ability to plan out my day and to build in exercise and creative breaks and appointments. I was outside and inside, moving around, walking and exercising. It feels like I've lost so much. LoveHubbie says, "That's what work is." 

I disagree with LoveHubbie. I could still build my business while working from home, but do it while making calls as I'm walking on my driveway or sitting on my deck in the garden. Or folding laundry. Doing the dishes. Opening the mail. Dang it, I miss my UPS man even and it's only been two days. 

When I'm in this office I feel like a prisoner.

What's the point of me having my own wellness business if it doesn't serve my own personal wellness? I may as well work for a salary instead. At least then I'm exchanging my life energy and creativity and precious time for money (I currently just earn a commission...at least in theory, because I haven't made anything at all yet in the past two days).

I made a commitment so I won't quit, but I may have just talked myself into reducing my hours. Dramatically. We'll see.

Sacred Life Sunday: Practicing The Sabbath and Getting It Right---At Last!

What a glorious Sabbath it was today. I had lots of time to read and putz around the house. I stayed in my pj's until about 2pm and then headed for the gym for a leisurely workout. I spent lots of time looking at my view outside the windows in my house, all of the woods and the garden. It was sunny and lovely.

And reading, reading, reading. All fiction. Pure decadent indulgence!

Lately I have had a few very supportive calls from friends who I'm convinced are angels in disguise. I'm getting ready to start a new job on Tuesday. It's doing the same thing I've been doing for the last month---marketing those fantastic supplements---but also doing patient education with the products in a medical doctor's office, the same physician who has been helping me with my health these past several months. It will mean not being totally home-based, something challenging but exciting to me as well. I feel healthy enough and strong enough to venture out and expand my life some more. One big plus: it's an all female office---all girls all the time---yay!

So I'm really enjoying this holiday weekend. It really feels like a Sabbath, like a time of rest, a time to center spiritually and to recognize my need to surrender and trust.

I'm glad I persisted in establishing a day of rest in my schedule; I want to keep this going as a lifestyle. I am so grateful!

I want to encourage all of you to take a Sabbath rest. Even if it is only a portion of the day, even if it's only an hour. I promise you, you'll benefit far more than the so-called "lost" productivity that ensues, which can more than be made up for by your renewed energy. If you have any thoughts about this, or any experiences to share, please comment!



~Photos by LoveHubbie Mark

Wellness Wednesday: Overhauling for Health

I feel like I'm having a major overhaul in my health lately, one that is much needed. I joined a gym last week and have been working out (sort of). I keep having to modify my workout to accommodate my level of fitness, which is stunningly low. This past week I learned to focus on what I can do not what I cannot do.

Also this week I've cleaned up my eating even more and am taking more of the superfoods that I'm marketing. It has increased my energy level even more. It's also influenced me to make healthier food choices in general. And to do less emotional eating. So I've really been feeling great.

We've had sun here. Yes, really. In Washington. That has been great for my vitamin D levels. You sort of have to wait and watch and zoom outside when the sun is shining, then walk until it disappears, which sounds weird, but it's really fun. It's like a game---"catching the sun". If you live in the Pacific Northwest then you know what I mean.

Lastly, I've been really supporting myself with television. I love tv, but don't have enough time to watch the amount I enjoy. There is so much great stuff on, that I only get to watch a small portion of what I want to. So this last week I've been substituting my favorite shows and movies with "The Biggest Loser" and PBS specials from Mark Hyman (health oriented). It's been incredibly motivating. I had never watched "The Biggest Loser" before, but my gym, 24 Hour Fitness, which I just love, is affiliated with it, and although I don't agree with some of the philosophies behind it, parts of it are incredibly motivating.

I have never been a gym person, but I adore 24 Hour Fitness. Who knew? I've always thought that if they could make a gym that didn't stink, that wasn't hot, and that played peaceful music where everyone moved slowly, I'd love it, but I never found one. Either the smell, the pounding music, or the fit people looking askance at me would be big turnoffs. So my gym smells just fine and is nice and cool. It does play the pounding music, but I've found that since I'm going through this interesting personality change lately that it doesn't bother me at all---I kind of like it! And there are other fat people everywhere! It's a whole new world out there for gyms. People of all sizes want to get it shape and be healthier.

I enjoy going in and greeting the friendly staff, and then working out with all of the different people---all of whom have been really nice to me, even though my workout is unconventional (it's gyrokinesis plus other exercises to strengthen my knees right now). And exercises I make up myself.

Here's a video that shows you more about gyrokinesis. Now imagine me doing this at the gym!! (This video is only 2 minutes long, the rest is music and darkness...)


~Photo by LoveHubbie Mark

Wellness Wednesday: Stamina and Carly Grace

Only just over a day before I leave for Hawaii, and there are so many posts I'd like to do.

Yesterday was really a Wellness Wednesday for me. I was fitting in some last health care appointments. In addition, I continue to struggle with complications from my dental surgery about 10 days ago. All in one day I visited the podiatrist to get a cortisone shot in my foot, both the dentist and the oral surgeon and had two minor surgical procedures---one from each of them, the pharmacist to get enough medications to last for the time I'm gone, the lab to do some tests due to complications from the antibiotics I've been on ("c-diff"), and the chiropractor. I visited my husband's office in between these as well. It was a crazy hectic day and I was in pain the whole time.

However, due to the supplements I've been taking from my new alternative medicine physician, I was mostly able to be calm through all of this. I was able to practice letting go of results and in trusting in a safe Universe, because there was really nothing else I could do. I have to trust that when I leave town packed with my contingency meds and records for potential surgeons on Maui, that all will be okay. Truly, not having an undercurrent of anxiety all of the time has helped me so very much, and enabled me to deal with so much more than in the past. In addition, having good energy levels (from the thyroid my doctor prescribed) helps tremendously as well.

I feel blessed, blessed, blessed to be able to have access to and to afford all of this health care. I feel supported by the Universe. I am so grateful for my friends---you all---here online, and new ones I've met on Facebook and Twitter.

I feel extremely inspired by a very little girl named Carly Grace, who has her own blog, and whose parents manage somehow (I don't know how) to have a positive attitude towards all of her health challenges and who model the attitude to life we could all have. They live in the moment and love their daughter. Please read her blog, and please pray for her upcoming surgery (one of dozens she's had, but what sounds like the biggest one yet). Please hold out healing energies for her and send love to her parents. They are wonderful people who I read about months ago from yertle. If you take a second to go there, even just to see her sweet little face, you will gain so much and you will remember her always. Just a quick look and a prayer and it will make a difference. As importantly, if you take the time to go back and back and back and read her blog, your life will be different, I promise you.

~Photo by LoveHubbie Mark

Food, Inc.

Some of you may not know that I'm a foodie and part of the Slow Food Movement. If you are thus inclined, you may enjoy this trailer for the new movie Food, Inc (3:30):



Find out more about Food, Inc. here.

Nordic Walking---For Balance and Mobility

Many of you know that I Nordic walk. Well, Nordic walking poles are not just for sport. There is another very important use for Nordic walking poles, as featured on the web site "Poles for Mobility", a site that promotes the message:

Poles help people of ALL ages & abilities to maintain and even regain mobility. People with Parkinson’s, MS, PN and joint or pain issues have seen how poles can change their lives.

If you or someone you love has balance and/or mobility issues, check out this fantastic video or buy the full DVD, also available on Amazon: If you're not sure if this DVD would be for you, check here and watch the promo video below:




I was thrilled to find a way that I could modify my fitness routine to still walk while I have physical issues. See my review on Amazon for more information about the DVD as well.

Trusting Ourselves

I am so psyched about getting my hormones checked that I can't stand it. I got all of my paperwork ready today. I am wearing down, slowly, bit by bit each day, hanging on until Tuesday. The recent Oprah shows on the subject (there have been three so far) made me aware that what I've been thinking has been depression, genetically low energy, and absolutely obscene introversion may actually be hormonal. I made my appointment after the first show and have been counting the days since then, buoyed on by the second and third show. So I'm having them checked (finally) on Tuesday by an MD who does bio-identical hormone replacement.

You would have thought that I'd have done this since I've not had a uterus for 7 years...I've been taking some progesterone, but just a small standard dose from a compounding pharmacy, and never had anything checked before. My regular physician doesn't believe in it, and has put me through trials of synthetic hormones I couldn't tolerate and a panel of various anti-depressants. Those had no effect except to promote my turbo weight gain (40 pounds in 4 months) over a year ago that still remains with me. I've been doing great emotionally on the TrueHope supplements I've written about here before, but energetically have been continuing to slide on down a hill that seems to have no bottom.

That slide has accelerated lately with my knee problems, and I've slowed way down physically, but most of the time have been doing fairly well emotionally because of the hope that this is what is wrong with me. Oprah featured ladies Skype-ing into the show who sounded word for word like me and who looked and felt like I look and feel now---worn out, worn down, and forcing ourselves to do each task of daily living.

I appreciate these Oprah shows because they bring attention to the problem of the under-diagnosis of women's hormone issues. Oprah feels very strongly about this. Even with her access to the finest medical care in the world, she struggled with getting her own unique diagnosis. She believes that women should take responsibility for their own well-being, do the research, and insist on a solution until they feel better. This was hard even for her to do. She went to several physicians, and finally nurses and other viewers who watched the show wrote in and steered her in the right direction.

Somewhere deep inside, I know that this is what is truly wrong with me---hormonal imbalance---and that I can probably pretty simply and easily (with a blood test) find out for certain. So that's what up for this week.

I don't want this to be a "downer" post---it's a big upper for me despite my utter and absolute fatigue---this will just make the diagnosis all the easier I'm thinking. I guess the point of all this is---if you feel like me, or like the women featured on Oprah, I want to encourage you to trust what you believe is wrong with you. To not just accept what someone tells you. Or if, like me, you try something, and you're wrong, not to feel badly about trying again. And then, if you have an inner knowing, to go with it. To trust the inner knowing yet again, to trust your intuition. To trust yet again, as long as it takes.

LoveHubbie looks at me and shrugs his shoulders and says "Yea, right, whatever..." as he is tired of the doctors and the optimism and the false hopes of my ever really being healthy. But he can be wrong.

I think that as women we must be willing to trust ourselves above all. And to believe again and again and again. If we've been wrong, so be it. But we need to be willing to risk again, and to believe in ourselves again, even if others do not.