Life is Short, Let Go of Striving

I wanted to share with my happyluau readers something from my private homeopathic hcg diet blog, edited and enhanced here, because it relates to life in general, and some of you may find something to encourage or inspire you in it.

I mean this in a good way, that I'm not going to be trying to figure out what my body is doing with respect to weight loss, but just doing the very best I can, letting my body do its thing and not worrying.

I wrote about something in a comment about self-beatings. I grew up being beaten up physically (and verbally) almost daily by my mother. I got used to this. As part of my personal growth journey, I've tied the way I've used food to these beatings. I would overeat and feel badly and then punish myself with my thoughts. This deeply held pattern was carrying on my mother's horrible legacy in a particularly mean way. I don't want to do this to myself! So my goal now is to either: Choose to eat, to enjoy it, and not beat myself up about it; or choose to tap*, or not eat, and not feel deprived either. Just choose. And be gentle. And enjoy.

Overeating, though, is not really enjoying. Eating what my body wants is.

At 53, I probably will only live (at most) 17-40 more years. That's not many to me! And that's if I don't get hit by a bus or have an aneurysm or something like that. I continually remember what happened to Chani--my very intimate friend who died unexpectedly at 58. I don't want to carry on my mother's legacy or do anything more to myself or to anyone else that isn't kind, gentle, and loving. I don't want to abuse myself anymore by overeating, but instead use food for what it was intended--health, delight, celebration, joy, fuel--in quantities easily handled by my body. Sometimes I won't get it right, but that's okay. I want to be a good healthy weight. So that I can move around and not hurt so much in my remaining years. 

No one will be looking at me in my coffin knowing or caring if I was 176 or 183 or 192.8 pounds. (Actually I'm going to be cremated so no one will be looking at me period.) And no one will care what I did on the hcg diet--if it was 24 pounds I lost or 28 or 34 or 40. I don't even care too much now, although I do want the hard work and missed good meals to pay off. 

I just want to be GOOD to myself. As good as I am to everyone else, better even. Gentle, kind, sweet. That's all, now.

PS. I am tapping a lot lately. Really getting into it as an almost meditation practice.

PPS. I was highly, highly inspired by Patti Digh's post yesterday on "Letting Go of Striving". What wisdom! I think/hope I am doing this with respect to my weight. Years ago...I was 24 years old...a prophet "had a word for me" (this was someone who didn't know me at all, and the only time this ever happened), and it was "Stop striving!" So it has taken me almost thirty years, but I think I am finally learning how to do this.

*"tapping" refers to "fasterEFT" the protocol and philosophy of EFT (a type of energy work combining a sort of acupressure with neurolinguistic programming and hypnosis)  I am now learning.

This "letting go of striving" that Patti writes about is probably the biggest lesson I wish I'd learned when I was younger. Knowing what really matters.

Today, let go of striving. Be gentle with yourself and with others. Accept yourself and enjoy your days. Remember Chani, who thought she had forever--she didn't and neither do you. You have today, so celebrate and be good to yourself, my dear sweet friends. Enjoy this day, which is filled with blessings.

~Photo is old photo of Chani of when she was much younger, one that she especially liked, edited by me.

Abysmal Reading Statistics

Two years ago I blogged about how one in four Americans doesn't read even one book in a whole year. That statistic shocked me. Well, there are worse statistics available. Way, way worse. I read about them on Don Miller's blog and they are from Para Publishing. If you want to follow up on any of these or read other statistics about books, publishing, or reading, there is a great deal of information there.

Here are some of the statistics reported by Don Miller: 

1/3 of high school graduates never read a book for the rest of their lives

42% of college graduates never read a book for the rest of their lives

70% of U.S. adults have not stopped into a bookstore in the last five years

80% of American families did not purchase or read a book in the last year

These statistics are alarming to me. I cannot imagine how the non-readers and non-reading families are functioning without reading, without thinking about what they've read, without talking about books and ideas, without learning in depth about many different new ideas, without getting involved in stories that aren't fed to them as they are in movies, and without being exposed to experiences outside of their own. How do they do it? How do they process their lives? How do they grow? This is something I simply don't understand. 

I love movies and television, but they are no substitute for reading. I just don't understand this. 

Well, in perusing the data from Para Publishing, I notice that there are a wide variety of statistics there with results varying wildly. So these may not be totally accurate. Still, none of the statistics are good or indicate that we here in America are readers. Very sad. 

LoveHubbie only reads a few books a year. I've noticed that he has lost his ability to "enter into" a book to the point where the world fades away and he is "in" the story--unless it is a very highly interesting book to him. Also, his reading speed is way, way down, making reading more of a chore. He is often so tired from working that it is just too hard to read. Usually all this begins to change when we take a long vacation. I see his non-reading as work-induced and as temporary--he could change this in the future when he retires or when he cuts back on his work schedule or when pigs fly. 

If any of you are non-book readers, I'd love to know more about why you don't enjoy books. Also, if you've ever known anyone who doesn't read, I'd love to hear about it. 

~Photo from freefoto.com

Some Deep Reading

This week I have been reading intensively, something I really enjoy. One project is two books for my counseling session, assigned by my counselor:

(1) Fear of Intimacy by Robert W. Firestone:

This is a challenging, confronting, and very technical book on psychodynamic psychotherapy. I have been journaling along with reading. It has been a lot of work, but it's helped me to see how very much I truly do fear intimacy. I think that on some level we all do. Identifying how I do and perhaps why has been very enlightening.


and (2) Love's Executioner: And Other Tales of Psychotherapy by Irvin D. Yalom:

I haven't read this one yet (it is my weekend reading), but am looking forward to it, as it will most certainly be an easier read than the previous one. My counselor sure knows how to challenge me, and I like that.


In addition I am reading for fun: Jennifer Weiner's Fly Away Home: This is a light but relaxing and enjoyable read. It's the story--in different voices--of a senator's wife and her adult children after her husband has an affair that becomes public. It is not a romance, which I do not enjoy, but a tale about life and relationships that are real. I can really appreciate a heroine who is middle-aged as well.

Plus Creative Wildfire: An Introduction to Art Journaling: Basics and Beyond by L.K. Ludwig:

I am hoping that this will propel me back to creative work in the upcoming week. I know that many of you have already read this.


I have eight Amazon Vine books to catch up on too--all of them are good and of course--FREE! (I just have to write reviews of them.) After reading the heavy psychotherapy texts my reading speed will be up and I'm hoping these will go rather quickly. They are all my choice--books I've chosen and am looking forward to reading.

I am thrilled to be getting back to reading again, with gusto. I am pleased that I was able to make it happen this week, as I've missed reading so much. Household management isn't really my cup of tea, and although I have some tasks to do next week, most are minor. Instead I'm going to do a project I've been procrastinating about for months. I'll tell you about it soon...

What are you reading?

Sacred Life Sunday: Yes, Still Practicing the Sabbath

Today I had yet another attempt at practicing the sabbath. I journaled my progress throughout the day once again. Sharing this with you really helps me to see how I spend my time, keeps me accountable.

8:00am: Slept in and am glad it's the sabbath and that there is nothing today I must do. Started my day answering emails, connecting with people.

9:00am: Had a quiet time of reading and journaling, something I've not done like this since I returned from vacation three weeks ago. Note to self: this time is critical and I want to return to doing it daily.

9:30am: Had a conversation with LoveHubbie where we actually communicated (like I do with my friends). Joy!



11:00am: Started to blog about this to share it with you. Still reading, writing. Ok, so I'm leaping off the cliff and am going to read fiction---the ultimate indulgence!

11:40am: Reading an advance copy of "How to Buy A Love of Reading" by Tanya Egan Gibson. I am in love with words! So glad I did this.

Noon: LoveHubbie is cooking a brunch of eggs and wild salmon that we'll eat as we watch CBS Sunday Morning, my favorite show. I love how it always gets me interested in things that I have no intrinsic interest in whatsoever. We're celebrating Mother's Day :)

1:15pm: Still watching CBS Sunday Morning. Oh, it's good!

3:15pm Went for a short walk up and down our driveway and lost a game of ping pong to LoveHubbie.

3:45pm: At last...doing some art. I'm going to be making two cards today, one for a friends and another for my stepson's wedding next week.

5:30pm: I ended up making one for the friend. My heart wasn't in the other...you know how there are some people who appreciate handmade things and then others who would rather have something store-bought? I decided to give my stepchildren what they prefer (store-bought) instead of what I'd enjoy giving (handmade). Thus I had lots of time to do the one for my friend. Here it is:



It looks sort of ugly odd in this picture, but this card looks much better than I can photograph it. It is stamped all over and then the object in the center is a mosaic made of UTEE (Ultra Thick Embossing Enamel™). I was very pleased! It was fun to relax and be creative.

6:00pm: I wanted to publish this before the day was over, so here it is. For the rest of the day I'm going for another short driveway walk during which I will phone a friend, then read my novel until bedtime. YUM!

This was a great day. I feel as though I'm getting the hang of this sabbath practicing. No need to set boundaries today. Ahhhhhh!

Happy Mothers Day to all of you who are mothers, and to all of you who mother. I send a special shout out to my mother-friend, who is not my biological mother, Rose Marie. Here is an old picture of us from several years ago:

Clearing the Space

"The first step in starting an enterprise is to clear the space for it, or till the ground. This clearing process is a must...We like to think just forging ahead is going to be enough to start, but when you run into gnarled old roots where your new plants need to grow, you've got problems."---Barrie Donick, Simple Spells for Success, via The 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women by Gail McMeekin

In the interests of creating space in my life for new things, I'm retiring from Amazon reviewing. I've been doing it for 12 years and am currently #15 out of over 5 million Amazon reviewers. This necessitates a lot of maintenance involving reading lots and lots of books (sheer fun) but also taking notes on them as I read them and writing an average of 25-40 reviews or more each month. More when I am wanting to advance in rank. I also write reviews for other items, especially teas and household items. Some strategy is involved as well, such as reviewing new items early and gaining spotlight positioning to get more helpful votes.

With the new health and energy I have, I want to channel my efforts into things that lead me in other directions, into something that will provide actual income for me. I have had the great satisfaction of helping others with their Amazon purchases for all of these years and received many free products and books, including my Flip Mino video camera. However, I am ready for a change. I'm sure I'll occasionally review an item I am very excited about, but I don't want the self-imposed responsibility of "having" to do any particular item or book or to produce a certain volume.

I have one more obligatory review for an advance copy of a book I've received, which I hope to finish this week, and then I'll be done.

As little of a thing as this it is---this ranking---it will be very hard for me to let go and leave it alone and watch my ranking fall. I've been building it for so long. It is, embarrassingly, a part of my identity. Thus I consider the letting go a spiritual practice as well, because the ranking is simply a construct based upon a game that I've been playing. And unless I want to keep playing (which I don't) it is time to move on. And time to be who I am without externally judged rankings, especially relatively meaningless ones. Isn't it funny that it is so hard?

It is funny how we cling to such things sometimes. How scary it is to just be who we are.

I am excited to give this up and to look ahead to what the future may hold. I'm excited to look at some of my real dreams and other more difficult challenges---things like earning a living and finishing my abandoned NaNoWriMo 2007 book---and more. Things that I cannot even imagine right now.

I hope I'm ready to JUMP!

Kindling with the Amazon Kindle

Well, I'm officially a Kindler. Actually I have been one since November when I left for Hawaii, but am only just now blogging about it. I did buy an Amazon Kindle during Oprah's promotion and have read at least a dozen books on it since then. I've probably also read at least a dozen "real" books as well during this time, though.

I honestly love the Kindle. It's different from reading hardcopy books---not better or worse---just different. It's definitely better than lugging around a load of books when you're traveling. Or waiting in a doctor's waiting room. You save lots of money on books, too. You can read more. It's easy and fun to use. You can carry your Kindle library anywhere you go, including reference books---all in one little package.

But there are some negatives to the Kindle. You have to be really careful where you leave it so that no one steals it. You would never leave it by the side of your beach chair when you pop into the ocean. Also, I haven't used it in my bathtub. How many of us have never dropped a book into the tub when we're bathing? And then tried to dry it out in the oven? Well, maybe not you, but that's me. And you wouldn't want to use your Kindle while you're eating buttered popcorn.

Other than that, I find using the Kindle amazing. The Kindle is intended to be "transparent" to your reading experience. So that means it's supposed to feel like reading a book. And it does. Except that it is easier on your eyes. And the font size can be adjusted---a big plus for aging baby boomers like me.

You can order books quickly from anywhere there is cell phone reception via the Kindle on Amazon's free Whispernet (availability is like a cell phone rather than a wireless computer). Recently Amazon gave us a free edition of USA Today. Some people read all of their newspapers on the Kindle. And everything on the Kindle is searchable. Work lookup is available constantly---no more running for the dictionary! The Kindle is ideal for people who are disappointed that their dictionary is too large to travel well...those of us who are in love with words...

As an early adopter, I love it, especially at this stage---pioneering, beta, helping Amazon build a Kindle library single-handedly, etc. If you are not an early adopter, you might want to wait a little bit. Mine had to be replaced once for defects, and so did the only other person's I know who has a Kindle. Many popular books just being released are on Kindle, but so many not so mainstream books are not.

As of the date of this posting, the Amazon Kindle is backordered 7-9 weeks. There was an unprecedented demand for them over the holidays, and after the Oprah promotion and discount.

To watch a video of the Kindle in action, visit the Amazon Kindle page---be sure especially to watch the large video in the middle of the page.

The Amazon Kindle is pricey (without Oprah's discount, now up to $359, and selling on ebay and craigslist for more), but eventually pays for itself if you're a prolific reader and/or traveler who buys their own books. Otherwise it's a fun toy more important to readers than an iPhone, a Blackberry, or a laptop computer. And for older eyes, it's a lovely blessing.

Any questions, please feel free to ask!

Reading, Kindle, Book 2.0 and Ludic Reading

On Friday Oprah promoted the Amazon Kindle, her new favorite gadget, something she says has changed her life. One of the exciting things about this ebook reader from my perspective is that the type of screen and the ink used to display on the screen are actually easier on the eye than a real live book. And you can adjust the font size for your reading pleasure and perhaps read without reading glasses. In addition, before buying a book for the Kindle, you can read the first chapter for free, then decide. I'm pretty impressed! FYI, Oprah is offering $50 off the pretty steep $359 pricetag for 5 more days.

In addition, here is an article from Newsweek by Steven Levy called "The Future of Reading". It is in this article that I first read about what the author calls "Book 2.0"---what comes next after we evolve past printed books into the post-Gutenberg era. Right. When I first heard about this, I thought "Never!" and then I spent some time looking into it. Readers and writers, this is information you'll want to know. Here is a quote from the article:

"'The key feature of a book is that it disappears,' he [Jeff Bezos] says. While those who take fetishlike pleasure in physical books may resist the notion, that vanishing act is what makes electronic reading devices into viable competitors to the printed page: a subsuming connection to the author that is really the basis of our book passion. "I've actually asked myself, 'Why do I love these physical objects?' " says Bezos. " 'Why do I love the smell of glue and ink?' The answer is that I associate that smell with all those worlds I have been transported to. What we love is the words and ideas."

Long before there was cyberspace, books led us to a magical nether-zone. "Books are all the dreams we would most like to have, and like dreams they have the power to change consciousness," wrote Victor Nell in a 1988 tome called "Lost in a Book." Nell coined a name for that trancelike state that heavy readers enter when consuming books for pleasure—"ludic reading" (from the Latin ludo, meaning "I play"). Annie Proulx's claim was that an electronic device would never create that hypnotic state. But technologists are disproving that. Bill Hill, Microsoft's point person on e-reading, has delved deep into the mysteries of this lost zone, in an epic quest to best emulate the conditions on a computer. He attempted to frame a "General Theory of Readability," which would demystify the mysteries of ludic reading and why books could uniquely draw you into a rabbit hole of absorption."---Steven Levy in "The Future of Reading"

I'm going to leave you hanging---it's a great article, so please read the rest if you are interested. If you do, you might be as excited as I am about going "down the rabbit hole"! It's mind-blowing...

A very informative video about reading, the future of publishing, and the Kindle can be found here. Page down to "Hear Jeff Bezos, Bestselling Authors, Charlie Rose, and Martha Stewart discuss Kindle" and click on "Hear journalist Charlie Rose talk to Jeff Bezos about Kindle on the Charlie Rose show" to the right of the video. The conversation of Charlie and Jeff will be interesting to all readers, ebook or non. They discuss "improving" on "the book". Wow.

What I'm Reading January 2008

This video is 3:43: