Introversion and a New Creative Community

Here is a great article about introversion from Psychology Today, for all of you fellow introverts and for those who want to understand us! I hope you enjoy it.

I found out about the article via the Queen of Creativity---Kate---who also has a new creative community called The Queen of Creativity Castle on ning. I have followed Kate's art on her blog for years and watched it grow and develop; she inspires me and I'm delighted to be a part of this new community. It you want to flex your creativity muscles, visit and consider joining in!

~Photo by LoveHubbie Mark with my edits

Wellness Wednesday: Being With Each Flower, What is More Important?

Today I read something beautiful on Kelly's blog that caused me to think, to really reevaluate and reframe something in my life. Kelly wrote that she was grateful for:

“Being wrapped all day in the kind of energy that made people open to me like flowers in the rain.” 

What a lovely thing to be, what a lovely gift to give people--this kind of energy that makes people feel comfortable enough to share themselves with you.

All of my life, I have struggled with this gift. It is a gift from God, nothing that I've cultivated or would even know how to develop. On the one hand I have enjoyed this closeness with others, delighted in it, reveled in it, when it has been with someone with whom I've wanted to be intimate. On the other hand, sometimes it is time-consuming or awkward or (to my embarrassment) even irritating when I am in a hurry and someone I barely know opens up to me and share deeply personal "stories of their lives", their deep feelings.

This gift is what led me to go to graduate school to become a counselor. I never finished, though, instead leaving school without doing a practicum and finishing my masters in another field, because I found it too draining to relate to people on that level all day long. I am very introverted, and although I care deeply for others, I need a great deal of time alone to process and recharge in order to be able to interact at that level. I also am not a particularly patient person, not a good thing for a counselor.

Lately over the last several years as I've experienced time as being scarce much of the time, it has been harder and harder to be welcoming when some people open up. People I meet casually, chance encounters that won't be repeated, people that I'd not choose to be intimate with. I usually still do listen and witness their story (trying to be "nice"), but find myself thinking thoughts like, "I can't believe this is happening to me again..." and "They're going to share their whole life story with me now right when I'm on my way to..." Complaining thoughts, I've realized. From the resentment I feel. This is not who I want to be.

In pondering Kelly's post, I've realized that deep down inside, I believe--I know--that every single person is indeed a flower, and that one of the most important things I can do each and every day is to witness their opening. To be present with everyone I meet. If they feel safe with me (and they are safe), then this is a bold, brave gift that I'm being given, and I want to recognize it as such. I need to slow down and stay in touch with what I truly value rather than be distracted by the urgency of comparatively petty tasks.

I always learn so much from Kelly, and this was a special lesson, one I really needed today.


~Photograph by LoveHubbie Mark

Introverted Travel

As an introvert I love to travel and enjoy the culture I am visiting. This may involve seeing some sites, but it is always paced so that I can absorb the culture, relax, and have a certain feeling rather than see certain things. This can be pretty hard to explain to people.

I lived in South Dakota for three years and never saw Mount Rushmore. I lived in Arizona for ten years and did not visit the Grand Canyon. I am fine with both and saw many other wonderful things in both states. I tend to stay away from crowds and group tours. I like to interact with local people and tourists when I'm stoked up on alone time, and tend to be very relaxed while doing so, mainly because I plan it that way and venture out only when I'm ready to interact with others.

One time my aunt and uncle visited me in Phoenix, Arizona. The three of us set out for the Grand Canyon and hit terrible traffic. We are all introverts. After a couple of hours in Flagstaff with traffic barely moving, we turned right around and went instead to the small ghost town of Jerome on the way back to Phoenix. We had a fantastic time. It was a precious experience for me to have an all-introvert travel experience! We all "got" each other.

Here are two articles I just found about introvert travel. If you're interested, they're both worth a read. Here is one and here is another.

I also like to visit places vicariously via pictures interpreted by friends' experiences, like Lori-Lyn's. More picture, Lori-Lyn! I'm missing my daily fix ♥

The picture you see above is the first of many from LoveHubbie of some lovely tulips that bloomed in our yard this past spring!

Back to Blogging and Being Ourselves

This weekend I helped out with a memorial service at my church for the father of someone in my small group at church (which is called a Life Group). I didn't know her father at all, and actually know her only slightly, since I am new both to the church and to the Life Group. It was a great privilege to be there though. 


One reason that this was an honor for me was that when my Dad died, there were people at his church (which he was officially a member of at the time of his death but hadn't attended in a long time) who helped out with the funeral and the reception. They were so loving and kind and freed me up to mourn and visit with family. The didn't know me, and they may or may not have even known my Dad. They were a blessing. 


Another reason was that I just enjoy celebrating the life of someone who has passed; each life is special and I get to find out how when I hear stories about their life. In addition, it is a good time to contemplate the meaning of life in general and the significance of death. 


Normally when I attend a social function where women help, they are usually family functions and I hang out with the men. This is because the women are in the kitchen, cooking and preparing things according to their cultural traditions. I am not domestic at all, I eat differently from most people I know, and in such situations I never know what to do. So in order to not feel helpless and useless and lost, I visit with the men and talk--something I do know how to do. I often feel as though the women disapprove and that they judge me, as though I "should" know how to make marshmallow-canned fruit--jello salad or Rice Krispie treats. I "should" at least know how to bake "Duncan Hines" brownies! I do not. 


So when I was invited to help out at the memorial with the other women of my Life Group, I was very hesitant. I am so unconventional, and don't tend to fit in most places in general (especially in a church), so I was unsure about how to respond. I decided to be honest and open, rather than just decline to help. The group members seem to be transparent and real and honest themselves, so even though I'm new to the group, it seemed like the right thing to do. I told M, the leader, about my lack of conventional female-type skills. I told her that I was a "great follower" but that I had to be told exactly what to do (as in micro-steps). In most things, I gravitate strongly towards leadership, but not in areas that are completely foreign to me. Anyway, M was thrilled, as she likes to lead and expressed an interest in breaking things down for me. 


It ended up that I had a great time. M broke things down into ultra-micro-mini steps so that I didn't have to figure anything at all out. It was actually relaxing for me. M had pages of notes and details on what needed to be accomplished; she is a gifted administrator. We talked about this later. Her face lit up as she described how much she liked to organize things and work out details. She loved breaking things down into discrete and easily understandable steps. I really enjoyed the simplicity of following the steps and of knowing what my job was. 


At one point in the memorial when everyone was sitting and listening to a speaker, I went and stood with one of the ushers at the doorway and told him that he could sit down or get some coffee if he liked, and I'd man his position to assist any latecomers. He said no, that standing away from the people was "therapy" for him, as he didn't do too well in big groups. I said "Me, too!" So we stood together saying nothing. It was really nice. 


This was a rare social occasion in which I felt useful and free to just be myself. I could also enjoy the people who were there and the presentation on the life of the deceased. At the end of the memorial service, instead of being exhausted and craving time alone, I was energized and happy. I cannot think of a social occasion before in which this has happened. 


From this I thought about how unique we are all; God made us to work together while yet being ourselves. It was a beautiful time. 


Upcoming Post: Giveaway From Maui: Sign up if you have not yet done so. I really, truly am going to give these lovely earrings away, despite my procrastinating!