Saturday, September 29, 2007

BE BRAVE: Day 1 and Day 2: Baby Steps

BE BRAVE, otherwise known as "Do One Thing Every Day That Scares You", is the title of the month-long project inspired by Jessie. I started this out slowly, and am already behind in my blogging. I have to get into the groove again and start to build momentum so that I can get the benefits that are possible out of this. I truly want to live a life from love, not fear, and during this time learn a lot about things that I'm afraid of. There are so many things...Jessie's doing great and is an example for me!

Yesterday was Day 1 for me, and I wrote my first Amazon Vine Review. Vine is a new program by Amazon that I was invited to participate in. Vine offers books and many other items at the beginning of the month to the Vine members. We pick whatever ones we want and are sent them for free by Amazon with the understanding that we will review them. All of them are advance copies, so our reviews have the potential to affect sales; also, the Vine members, many of whom are writers and editors and English teachers by profession, read the reviews. So I wanted mine to be good and was procrastinating about writing it. Well, I just did it, and it was hard, but felt so satisfying to just do it and get out of the way. It was a good first step in living adventurously, as it was a baby step.

Today was Day 2. I had no idea what I was going to do, and only a couple of hours left in the day. I sat down to blog and decided to buy something I wanted from ebay, but didn't feel I deserved. It was a leather key fob I'd already made low bids for under "Best Offer" and lost five times over the past several weeks. I resisted going up to a reasonable offer because a leather key fob is such a frivolous and unnecessary item (when plastic or a shoe lace---which I have been using---or a cheap leather key fob would do as well), and although this one was priced reasonably for what it was, it was still very expensive. It was hard for me to give myself something nice. So I just now made a reasonable offer for it. We'll see if it's accepted. Either way, I feel happy that I broke through this barrier of "I don't deserve it".

I still don't feel really comfortable about what I just did, but a little tremble-y, a lot excited. Mostly about thinking about what other things I could let myself deserve. All the possibilities. I don't mean additional expenditures necessarily (LoveHubbie is breathing a sigh of relief) but just good things in general.

My biological family trained me that I don't deserve good things, nice things. As an adult I perpetuated this belief, and although I don't believe it at all with my head, in my heart it is another matter. I want to overcome this and know know know that I deserve good nice happy wonderful things in my life.

UPDATE: Reasonable offer for leather key fob was just declined, so I have the benefit of stepping out and giving myself a gift but LoveHubbie and I just saved some money :)

~Pictures by LoveHubbie Mark


Angela said...

Good luck on the project. Too bad about the fob - just have to choose something else!

Olivia said...

Thanks, Angela, it is very challenging. Consider joining in, too!

I'm actually happy about the fob---I got the benefits of the decision without the cost, so it turned out great :)

Leah said...

oo, i'm excited to watch what you'll do with this project, olivia!!

i think it's great that you were given the opportunity to explore what you feel you deserve. you deserve a lot! so remember to treat yourself sometimes. ;-)

Olivia said...

Hey, thanks, Leah :) I'm excited for you and your upcoming WEDDING! Love to you, O