BE BRAVE, otherwise known as "Do One Thing Every Day That Scares You", is the title of the month-long project inspired by Jessie. I am participating daily for a month. Today is Day 15.Today I was thinking about what it meant to have no regret.
This morning, I was a little sick of BEING BRAVE. I wanted to be a coward. Not, really, just a vegetable, vegging out instead of doing brave things. I craved down time. I wanted to just curl up in my reading nook and watch a movie, so I did. It was the movie "Evening", which had been recommended by Kate here. It moved me so much. It's about a woman who is on her deathbed who reviews her life; it's about her relationships throughout her life, including her relationships with each of her daughters. But it's about so much more. Mistakes. Regret. Choices. Just see it!
I immediately ordered it from Amazon, because it's a movie I'll watch again and again for the beauty of the story, for the acting, but especially for the story. I think I'll get different things from watching it at different points in my life.
I was thinking that we have regret sometimes from things we do, but for those of us who are fearful much of the time, we have regret from things we don't risk or attempt.When my mother died from leukemia I was 23. She told me before she died that all she had to show for her entire life was regret. I knew that she was being honest. I decided that I wanted to never have any regret at all. I'm sure that there are minor things I regret, but there are no major things, because everything bad that has happened to me has lead me to many wonderful blessings. I have been through many, many hard things, but I can say that I have no regret.
So I wanted to take this down to a lower level, to the minor things. Today I DO regret that I didn't enjoy the day more and take some time to read. It was a beautiful, sunny day here. I did my errands and my computer work. ARRGGH! I want to live more in the moment and stop doing things that I know I really don't want to do at all. For me this would be being brave.For example, there is a party this weekend that I don't want to go to. I've been dreading it today, a day early, trying to work a little harder because I'll "lose all that time" tomorrow. I love the people who invited us, and want to spend time with them in general. But not in a big group, not drinking all evening at a party (especially now, with my sobriety), and not when all I really want to do is relax. It's time for me to incubate again. So it would be brave for me to not go, and to not lie about it. To simply say, "I needed some time to rest and be alone.". Whether or not they could accept this would be up to them.
This may seem like a little challenge to some of you, but for me it's something I have yet to learn to do. It means honoring what I need more than what people expect of me or what might hurt someone's feelings or what LoveHubbie wants for me to do when our needs conflict. This particular weekend I need some peace. Because I don't want regret, even on a minor level.~Picture by LoveHubbie Mark
9 comments:
Olivia,
I am so glad you saw Evening, it truly is wonderful.., I also like the idea that the brave thing to do is to tell your friends you need some time alone. Wow that is powerful stuff. Too many us never do that. Kudos for you. You are doing a fantastic job.
Kate
you need this break. please give it to yourself so that you can continue to inspire me. is that selfish of me? i have been so amazed by the BIG HUGE things that you have already accomplished. these things are taking enormous amounts of energy. don't underestimate your need for down time.
every thing you've been writing resonates so deeply with me. umm...you have a lot of reading to do because i left a trail of comments from here all the way to day 9. sorry. i couldn't help myself!
now, please, take a day off. guilt free. you can do it--be brave! :)
you've no idea how much i can relate to this post. so much of the time i feel too timid to do the things that i really want. while i've made steps in the right decision, i still have a long way to go...i know it can be scary to stand your ground when others have expectations of you, but i am glad to hear that you are taking care of yourself in this way.
I understand EXACTLY how you feel about not wanting to tell your friends that you don't want to go - the expectation that you feel is on you to do the "right" thing. I think it is a very brave thing to not go and stick to what you know you need for yourself. I sometimes find myself telling little white lies just to legitimise my reasons. As though "because I need to" is not good enough. I am not good enough. That's not being brave. That's not honouring myself.
You honour yourself, Olivia. Take the down time that you need. You deserve every second of it.
Let us know how you go.
Much love,
Annie
xxx
I think saying no with no excuses is very brave and very empowering...and a tremendous gift to yourself.
Thank you, Kate, Jessie, Ruby, Annie, and Kelly,
You have no idea how nurturing it is to get up in the morning and have such tremendous support available to me. I feel like I am getting through this because of the empowering effect of all the support all of you give me. Yes...I am going to do this today...Thank you all for being such incredible friend,
Love,
O
Saying "no thank you" is sometimes the most brave thing we can do. Enjoy your time.
Very Brave indeed. The trick is to not feel guilty about it. Make sure you don't get caught in that one. Been there.
It gets easier, partly because being good to yourself feels good, and partly because people stop expecting you to show up at every single thing they invite you to. But they know when you do, you will really want to be there.
Ah, yes, thank you, Angela and Sylvain...your support is precious. I had a good weekend and will blog about it today :) Peace, O
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