BE BRAVE: Day 10: Direction of My Heart

BE BRAVE, otherwise known as "Do One Thing Every Day That Scares You", is the title of the month-long project inspired by Jessie. I am participating daily for a month. Today is Day 10.

After spending the first third of the Be Brave Project doing things that scare me, kind of willy-nilly (which really helped me to get "broken in" to this project), I am ready to set a direction and focus, a goal. As I mentioned on a previous video, I was inspired by Jessie, in this marvelous post. She knows where she is going, and thus is likely to get there, sooner or later; in Jessie's case, probably sooner.



Well, at first I had no idea where the direction of my heart lay, or what categories of fear I'd like to deal with for the remaining two-thirds of this project. So many choices, so many fears. I've been thinking about it yesterday, and finally decided to pick my most precious dream---that of being a writer. I've been planning on stepping out to write a first draft of my novel next month in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). I've known that this is going to be a huge challenge.

I think that I would have failed at finishing NaNoWriMo (by completing the whole 50,000 word draft) without this "health grounding" personal project I'm doing. I think I would have crashed and burned next month, or else let my life spiral out-of-control drama-wise. This healthy grounding (for more see the video) consists of three things: no sugar, no refined carbohydrates (including alcohol), and at least eight hours of sleep a night. Last night I (finally) slept for 9 hours---whoo hoo! Such a little thing, it made me feel like a lazy butt, but today I am full of energy and have a great attitude. I still CRAVE carbos but am ignoring this. I miss the wine, too; it's causing me to have to deal with more negative feelings, which is actually a great thing. I have to learn to relax in other ways---I don't have a choice now---and I like this. I feel like I'm really supporting myself in being clear-headed. It is still hard. H-A -R-D.

So anyway, I think that the best preparation I can do for NaNoWriMo right now is by continuing to ground myself health-wise in the Be Brave Project. And to keep it up beyond the three weeks through NaNoWriMo. But I want to take this even further. I want to prepare in all possible ways to maximize my chances for success. And focus. So today I'm going to take my "To Do" list, which I like to call my "Could Do List", and renovate it, leaving on it things that actually further my preparations for NaNoWriMo, and taking out anything else for now. Also, adding things to it that are really important for my preparations, but that I'm just not focused on (or else they're too scary). Do this as though it matters. Because it does.



Writing a draft of my novel (in this particularly intense way) is so important to me that I don't want to spend it poorly prepared, or with undone projects hanging over my head, or swilling wine back as I write, lethargic and depressed because I haven't slept, or eating over my feelings as I gain even more weight. I want to spend it simply writing. Clear-headed. Processing my feelings. In control with my eating. Sober.

This is the direction of my heart.

~Pictures by LoveHubbie Mark