Thursday, January 29, 2009

Accretion


I've been thinking about Heather's video that I posted yesterday. How could it not haunt you...has it? It has haunted me.

As I've watched it each time, I've thought about fearlessness, fear, bravery, and my JUMP! word for 2009. I've constrasted my JUMP! with Kelly's gentle experimenting and been a little envious, causing me to wonder if I've picked the right word. My JUMP! feels too forced and contrived and driven and pushy to describe the process I've been going through and plan to continue for 2009. I take small steps, but regular steps. Nothing earth-shattering, but when I look back for even a few days I feel as though I've moved forward. It doesn't sound like JUMP!-ing, though, does it?

I've always thought that it's best to JUMP! However, sometimes it's good to...the only word I can think of is "accretion". Yes, accretion. It's not intense or sexy. It's gentle, like Kelly's "experiment". But each day, day by day, I've been learning just a little, and building on the day before. And most importantly, persevering. It's a quiet growing, and a slow sure way of building the kind of life I want.

I want to be a JUMP!-er but I think I'm an accretion-ist.

I went on a walk today with Nordic poles for mobility assistance because of my knees and it was a great thing; for once the sun was shining here and I was healthy enough and had the time to get out of doors and move a bit, so move I did. Just a bit. But it was a challenge because of my knee injury. I used my upper body a lot with the poles for support and to take the pressure off of my knees. I was tempted to feel badly because I used to use the poles for fitness and now I'm lucky to just get down and back once on the driveway. But I am. Lucky. Blessed to be able to move. Even once up and down the driveway.

I'm not sure yet about changing my word. We'll see.

10 comments:

Sacred Suzie said...

What strikes me is the word "try". Just trying is huge! I loved the video very much. I know I would love to jump more but can't physically. So I just try and do what I can. You will find your word, it's out there. I know it.

I know what you mean about the psychological issues of not dying your hair, it's true! It's like you're fading away. We won't let that happen, right? Embrace the blonde beauty in your always.

Heather said...

As you can guess, I'm more inclined to take on bold words (perhaps sometimes too bold - at the risk of failure). But I figure that small steps for one person can feel like leaps for another person, so why not JUMP?

As you can see in the video, I jumped out of an airplane in honour of my 40th birthday, and it felt like the most liberating thing in the world. My first thought (after the chute opened and I knew I would survive) was I CAN DO ANYTHING IN THE WORLD! But you don't have to jump out of airplanes, maybe you just need to walk around the block to get that feeling. :-)

thailandchani said...

"Jump" does feel like a bolder word than I'd be comfortable with.. since I'm not a bold person, either. Still, it can be a fun word.. or an enthusiastic word.

Something to consider there.



~*

Kate I said...

Olivia, I know what you mean about feeling that you may have chosen the wrong word for yourself, as I went through that same process last year. In the end I felt as though it wasn't really a "mistake" as it gave me a lot to ponder, just as you've been doing here. It was part of the process.

The realization that you're not a jumper could be a hugely helpful understanding for you in allowing yourself a gentler process that's more in line with the gracious and gentle person that you are. We don't all have to be jumpers! Or maybe next year or the year after that, you'll have the energy for jumping!

Olivia said...

Suzie,

Yes, and a very good friend emailed me and pointed out that my JUMP! may not look like others'---and in fact, JUMP! may even be perfect. My trying and succeeding at the very low level where I may be can be a JUMP! in my life :) I am thinking now that I will keep it !!!

Thank you for the phrase "embrace the blonde beauty"; I love that, Suzie,

Peace and love,

O

Olivia said...

Heather, You're so right as my good friend who emailed (I wrote about this above) pointed out. I am now thinking that JUMP! will fit, as long as I don't compare myself to people who jump out of airplanes :) Really, you're absolutely right, Heather...Blessings and love, O

Olivia said...

Chani,

I think I've been intimidated by its boldness but I didn't need to be. You are right, I can play with it and make it mine. Which is exactly what I'll do!

aloha nui loa,

O

Olivia said...

Kate,

Yours and ALL of the above comments as well as the email from my good friend gave me much to think about. This is what has happened to me, to---it's given me much to ponder, and I think this will last the whole year through.

I am very low on energy this year...but I can still JUMP! (my jumps may look different) and HOW I jump may change as the year rolls on.

Thank you for your perspective as well, this helps immensely,

Love and aloha,

O

patti said...

If you are missing out on experiences/friends etc. because of fear, I think jump is a good word.

Sometimes we need a springboard - something that will spur us into action before that lightning quick little voice of fear shoves us back into our comfort zone once more.

Jumping is not about being impulsive or forceful, it is about making a quick, heartfelt decision and acting on it with confidence.

Maybe choosing the word jump has been your first 'jump' :)

I loved the video!

Olivia said...

Thank you for adding to this discussion, Patti. Yes, you are right. And it doesn't have to be necessarily "BIG". I am choosing "JUMP!" :) xxoo, O