Real Beauty

I finished a book this week that I highly recommend for every woman---"I Thought It Was Just Me: Women Reclaiming Power and Courage in a Culture of Shame", by Brene Brown.



Anyway, this from the book really got me thinking:

"When Dove's Campaign for Real Beauty was launched a couple of years ago, I asked women how they felt about seeing "real" women in their panties and bras (versus super-thin models). I was not surprised to hear half the women say they didn't like it."

Ok, so this is half the women!! I have written, very positively, about Dove's Campaign for Real Beauty here and have a video they produced here. Now I read that it is women---women---who are upset with the campaign! Here is more:

"Many described their reaction this way: "I know it's probably a great thing, but I had a very negative emotional reaction when I saw it." Some women felt "embarrassed for the models" and others said, "It doesn't inspire me to look better or lose weight." Basically what I heard two years ago is what I still hear from women today: "I know it's empowering and wonderful, but my gut reaction is...You're too fat and not perfect enough---put some clothes on." It's imporatant to understand that most of the women who struggle with their emotional reaction to the Dove models look like the Dove models...beauty has been defined for us so often and in such insidious ways that we now support and buy into the definition, as if it were our own. The result is disastrous: We don't want to see ourselves reflected back to us in magazines because we're not perfect, thin or beautiful enough to be valued. Ironically, the only way to free ourselves...is to reclaim our real power---the power to create and live by our own definitions."

Well, I look just like the Dove models and I think it's great. But something inside me hurts---really hurts---for those women who look like me and yet feel "less than". Or not beautiful.

Yesterday I overheard a man make a comment, "I feel sorry for him because he's married to that woman." The person speaking didn't know "that woman". I asked, "What do you mean?" and when pressed, he admitted, "Well, she's fat." The woman was beautiful, elegant, and yes, somewhat overweight. The man speaking knew nothing else about her, and was a portly man himself. I felt sorry for the man, but knew that he reflected perfectly my culture's view of women. I felt sad for him that he is culture-bound and severely limited in his ability to appreciate and know women. But how many men are like this? It really makes me wonder.

I am tired of my culture's definition. I think it's time for us Baby Boomer women to stand up and present a positive alternative to our culture's stereotypes of women, as with Dove's Campaign for Real Beauty. I think it's time for us too, to appreciate the men who know and appreciate us, and to acknowledge and recognize them for not buying into silly manufactured stereotypes. Do you know a man like this? Thank him for not being an asshole a patsy and for having the courage to think for himself. Give him a big hug and a kiss today :)