Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Can't Process Or Make Sense of Life, Lately
Sometimes I just don’t understand. Nothing makes sense to me lately.
Starting with the Virginia Tech Massacre. I cannot comprehend this. I just do not have it within me. What could cause this? How do we deal with this?
But there are other things in my immediate sphere. How can one friend betray another, when one has given everything they have to their friend and would gladly give more? How can this happen? Why would someone take---violently take---what would be freely given?
How can a child, whom you love and would do anything to help, turn their back on you and find help and sustenance from those who would do them harm? And at the same time hate you? When you would freely give them what they’d need if they would just step back and try to understand that you are not the enemy? They could ask…and trust that the love and the provision would be there….ask without threatening and bullying…and they would have exactly what they’d need?
I just feel like I cannot recover from one devastating surprise when I am faced with another. There seem to be too many surprises, too many betrayals, too many massacres (even one is too many). Greed. Entitlement. Hatred.
I guess what it comes down to is fear. Fear that the love would not be there, when it would be. Fear that violence, threats, bullying, stealing---that these are the only way, the only things that work.
Today I am very, very sad.
I’ve been sporadic with my blog for a while. I’ve been physically and emotionally exhausted, but am taking care of myself today and hope to be back soon.
~Picture by Hubbie Mark from Night Flower Collection