I missed posting on Sacred Life Sunday. But I had a great time just chatting away in a girlfriend-esque style (which I haven't done in a year, mainly because I haven't had a girlfriend) with Annie in Australia via Skype. It was great and made the day feel special...and sacred, indeed.
On the subject of loneliness: see Thailandchani's response to Annie's post which is drawing quite a bit of commentary. I think it is hard for us loners (and I am one of them) to understand how disconnected our Amercian society has become. We all crave intimacy, yet some of us suffer more than others in isolation. I don't feel like I suffer too much anymore because of the many rich connections I have via the Internet. Still, we are a community here, and as such can reach out of ourselves to be connected. I know that I can reach out more than I do, because I love intimacy...and I know that each person out there is a part of me as well---this is one of my spiritual beliefs.
Well, as for today---Magnificent (because it is another day of being alive) Moody (because that's how I feel) Monday---today I am feeling full-force the effects of SSRI withdrawl. I decided to go bare because of the continual and unrelenting weight gain caused by SSRI's, which is causing me more problems than my so-called depression was. I had thought that this weight gain was caused by emotional eating, but I've been doing this all my life, and the rapid weight gain has occurred only since October of last year (about 2-3 pounds per week)...coincidently when I started taking an SSRI. So I've been reading about this---who knew? I'm titrating down, but am exhausted all...the...time... and so tired and unmotivated. I do think that this will pass. My SSRI helped me tremendously but has come back to bite me, and I feel like I'll do better in the long run by doing things in a more natural way. I am thinking I can tolerate depression more than massive uncontrollable weight gain. I mean, where does it stop? Years ago I weighed 250 pounds and was in a wheelchair---I've been there, done that.
Here are some old pictures of me on my honeymoon in 2000:
Then, three years later after a 90 pound weight loss:
I'm right smack-dab in between the two sizes now.
It's sort of a no-brainer. But it's not how I look as much as how I FEEL. We all want to feel good, feel healthy. That's what I want too.
One of the problems with carrying so much weight is foot pain, so that I can't walk easily for exercise. Despite the pain, I resumed Nordic Ski Walking (which minimizes stress on my legs, knees, and feet) last week because I benefit so much from the fresh air, time to think, and sheer physical movement. Plus for once it wasn't raining here (I live near Seattle). It was magnificent!! Thus I am in pain all the time. But I still feel like I'm better off this way than idle and sedentary. I feel better overall. I just feel the pain and breathe and know that this too will pass.
We all have our pain and our challenges. We're here to encourage each other. To be there for each other. Thank you to all of you who are there for me.