Saturday, February 2, 2008

Bigger Than I Thought

I've been busy these last few days learning some about my new job/business. It ends up that it is bigger than I thought, and will involve me entering the business world instead of staying home all the time cloistered in my forest paradise. I will be going to client's offices to sell myself and my work in order to win a contract. The job will involve negotiations and working with decision makers in organizations. And yes, there will still be lots of work with technical writing here at home. The types of technical documents are ones that I am unfamiliar with, but can learn to do; I'll have to figure these out lickety-split. I will also have to learn the technical jargon for whatever industry I am working with at the time. Travel can be involved if I want it to be. It is a "big" job, and although I am a bit concerned about stress, it is something I think I can manage.

Really everything will be learning for me, from how to present myself in a business environment, to how to be real and authentic (as in, be myself) yet at the same time impersonal and professional, to how to do the actual work, etc. It will be like jumping into a lake and learning to swim. A huge BE BRAVE challenge.

It does feel very right to me and very timely as well. It is such a huge manifestation of what I've been seeing for myself in my 50's, though, bigger than I ever could have imagined.

Yesterday I met with my colleague/mentor for 5 hours. I learned that this business is mine and I will need to develop it; I'm going to be doing less subcontracting and more acquiring of my own contracts. I'm going to have to learn to dress for success, transform my orthopedic shoes into something classy, and stop chewing on my fingernails. I'm going to have to get my hair situation straightened out. LoveHubbie bought me a very nice laptop today; this means that he believes in me too and in my abilities to do this job, which really rocks my world. I spent hours last night and today in bed with a messed up neck, back and hip, but still got a lot done. I needs to do oodles of detailed stuff like get a business bank account, get a post office box, figure out how to write up my client contracts and then write them up, figure out how to keep track of expenses, etc.

My breathing is keeping me calm. I think. Well, at least way, way calmer than I'd normally be.

I keep telling myself that I can do this. The Universe wouldn't have brought it to me in this way if I couldn't. And I'd have confusion or checks in my spirit that would make me question if this was for me right now. Instead I have clarity, peace, shock, excitement, and fear. It feels like the hugest BE BRAVE challenge the Universe could ever summon up for me.

I am certain I could never even think I could do this without my spiritual foundation from the Tolle books, TWL, and you all. Thank each of you for your support and for helping me believe that I could take on launching forth on such a bold adventure!


Patti said...

Yes, you will be great Olivia! I once backed away from a job that was meant for me in so many ways, purely from fear and I regret it so much, but try to be philosophical about it.

It's a great step you have taken. You have so many skills and talents that will carry you through your first few months. There's an advertising jingle in Australia which has become part of our everyday wisdom here(a tourism ad for the Northern Territory - Uluru etc) "You never, never know, if you never, never go!"

Best wishes. XX

Kate I said...

congratulations Olivia...this sounds like a wonderful step for you on your journey of self discovery. I know the feelings of apprehension but excitment well...I once took a job which involved public speaking to groups of up to 500 people and was terrified but excited at the same time. Me...who's woice shrunk to a squeek just talking to small groups, just jumped in and for some reason it felt right...and was right.

You'll be great at this...just look at your 'presence' on Olivia TV!

yertle said...

How exciting! Enjoy your new adventure.

Olivia said...

Thank you Patti for your omnipresent support and encouragement. I know this is SO for me---whatever the ultimate outcome---and so I'm forging ahead. You are right, I will never never know, if I never never go :) Thanks for the words of wisdom via your beautiful country's tourism bureau :) xxoo, O

Olivia said...

Thanks, Kate. What job was it that you took? What did you train to do in a former life? I am trying to imagine but am not sure. Teaching...or engineering...or....I have no idea! University professor at a large university? I am SO curious. Love, O

Olivia said...

Thank you for commenting, yertle. I subscribed to your blog, as it sounds so interesting. My stepdaughter is "almost" a math teacher. She has only one semester to go before her student teaching. It's a long story, but math teachers have been instrumental in my personal development as a young girl.
Thank you for visiting and for commenting. Blessings, O

Rick Hamrick said...

Wow, what an amazing portal to adventure you have opened, Olivia! And it came about because you listened to the intuitive inkling that you really did need to turn around for that cup of coffee or tea. And, of course, you have spent a good bit of time and energy lately getting to that very moment, where you were able to hear your inner voice and respond with trust that it was guiding you perfectly.

I'm having almost as much fun being along for the ride as you are, sitting in the very front seat of this roller coaster!

I'd end by saying "you can do this" but that's old are doing this, Olivia!

Olivia said...

I keep thinking, Rick, "This is so good that it MUST be real and true and lasting!" If I say it enough I will incorporate it. Each day brings new and astounding (to me) challenges. Even little things, like last night buying a lap top computer are little steps that make this all real. And more and more I see how this was meant to be, whatever comes of it, and that all I've done so far has lead to this point. It's so Scary-Good :)

Thank you, Rick, for more than I can say. I'm so glad I'm not alone in the roller coaster and that you get to experience the thrill as well!

Peace tonight,