This journey is awesome! I have been appreciating the learning and personal growth opportunities of TWL as much as the potential weight loss that I know will occur as I learn many new skills. In addition, TWL is helping me on my spiritual path by teaching me in a practical way how to trust myself, my body, and the Universe as a safe and good place.
TWL is not as scary now as it was in the beginning. My weight has leveled off, after a startling ten pound weight gain over a couple of weeks after I went off Atkins induction (20g carbs per day) and began eating normally. I don't know what I weight but I can still fit into my "fat clothes", thank goodness. And I don't care, which is completely amazing. I am learning the skills (that people without weight issues or eating disorders already have) that will enable me to lose weight in the future. Each time I overeat (which is often because I'm used to eating so much more) I realize that it is way too much, and see how I could scale down in future meals.
For example, last night I ate a regular meal with a beer at a local pub. My "normal" meal would be to eat everything plus two beers. The last time I did that I felt way overstuffed---it was a first for me to really experience that. So last night it seemed like one beer and all of the food was good, and it felt fine. However, maybe a half hour later I started feeling overstuffed and bloated, and I realized that even my smaller choice was too much. Next time I'll have either the beer or the meal...or maybe the beer and half the meal, depending. It consistently surprises me how little food it takes to satisfy me. I realize that the reason I ate so much in the past (and didn't feel stuffed) is that (1) I wasn't letting myself feel at all, and (2) I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to get more, or that it would be too hard to get more...basically that scarcity was involved. Presence and awareness.
So it truly feels freeing that I can have WHATEVER I want when my body is ready for it. And that I can even overeat if I want to---stuff myself---if I want to feel that way, as well. This freedom allows me to willingly choose NOT to overeat instead of forcing myself to stay in control all the time because of fear of gaining weight.
I also have learned a lot about body acceptance because of TWL. I have read some other books too on this subject, helping me to accept myself exactly as I am right now. I can look at my body and see that it's rather large but try to love it as I look upon it instead of criticize it. My body is remarkably healthy for all I've put it through, and has adapted the best way it's known how. It's a wonderful and miraculous body, and I'm working on appreciating it, which is also very freeing.
I think that the state I hope to arrive at someday fairly soon is the feeling I've dreamed about---being able to eat whatever I want as much as I want and not gaining a bit of weight---because "whatever I want" and "as much as I want" has changed so much.
~Pictures by LoveHubbie Mark
14 comments:
Great that TWL is working for you Olivia. I hope you manage to find a healthy balance in your eating habits. Patience with ourselves and persistence is what we need! I'm making changes too!
I'm so glad you decided to read 'The Death Of Forever' I know your inquiring mind will connect with Darryl Reanney's explanations of where we sit in the Universe.
Thanks, Patti! I am always inspired by your changes and your journey. I'll let you know about the book. Peace and a blessed new year! Love, O
Olivia,
First thanks for the wonderful comments you have been leaving on my blog. Second this program sounds so wonderful for you, I am glad. Also one of my joys at the end of year is that I found you as a new friend. Thanks for being who you are and for being my friend.
Kate
Neat, Olivia! I don't remember when it was...but at some point I discovered I can't have a beer with a meal. The beer is too filling. It's as if it expands in the stomach! Well, anyway...I am on the final chapters of this book and am also hitting on some amazing discoveries about body awareness. I went through a period of eating everything in sight at first, but now I'm tuning into how that makes my body feel and am making different choices...like eating an amount that won't leave me feeling uncomfortable.
Much love to you!
I've said it before, Kelly, but it is such a privilege to have you along this journey with me. Much love right back at you, O
Kate,
Thank you for being my friend, too, Kate. I've enjoyed this last year with you and look forward to 2008! Much love, O xxoo
Olivia,
This is such a powerful transformation you are going through! You're not going to believe this, but as my drinking levels off I seem to be uncovering a bit of an eating disorder. Which I must admit seems a little unfair, but it is what it is. I am really overeating on occasion and it just seems like another layer of acceptance to get to. Thanks, as always, for sharing your journey with honesty and courage.
You're welcome, Angela, and thank you for your kind words and affirmation. I do believe that drinking and eating can both be used to medicate feelings and to cope with anxiety, worry, and other difficult feelings. I know that either one can take me out of being present and provide relief and respite for me, but that either one is better not used for this. So it will be an adventure to explore all of the ramifications of stopping and seeing what comes up. Our journeys parallel again!
Thank you as well for your insight, your comments, and your support,
Love, O
Congratulatins on the awareness you gaining, Olivia! Mindful eating is the name of the game for me. And it's all about quantities. I will not deprive myself of things I LOVE to eat ... I just need to do it slowly, savoring it, and not gorge out. If I choose to go with gluttony, then there is always a price for that. During March Madness - College Basketball playoffs, I become a salt-eating FREAK. This is the only time I eat in front of a television - yeah, I know, it's pre-meditated madness. You're so honest and cool! Keep doing what you're doing!
Thank you, Eileen. I hear what you're saying about mindful eating. And about there being a price for gluttony...so much to think about.
I am wanting to learn the difference between enjoying my food and medicating my feelings with food...it is apparent in hindsight, but I'm pretty unconscious about it in foresight.
Thank you for your kinds words and encouragment,
Blessings and joy in 2008,
O
Yea, Olivia!! Woohooo!!!
Aw, thanks, Annie! I'm pretty happy, too!! xxoo, O
Every time I visit here I'm amazed by you! You really are on an incredible journey (I mistyped 'joyney,' and I think it's that, too!).
I've been noticing my eating habits, too--Lots of times I eat unconsciously (while visiting or reading) and then feel yucky because I ate too much, just as you're describing. When I eat consciously and am there for every single bite, it's almost a holy experience...Don't really have the right words...
Thanks for sharing all of this.
I love your word "holy" (and joyney!), Karen. I think that this is what meals were like in the olden days before we got so rushed, don't you. Thanks for your encouraging words! Peace, love, abundance and joy, O
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