Monday, December 31, 2007
Transformational Weight Loss Update #5
This journey is awesome! I have been appreciating the learning and personal growth opportunities of TWL as much as the potential weight loss that I know will occur as I learn many new skills. In addition, TWL is helping me on my spiritual path by teaching me in a practical way how to trust myself, my body, and the Universe as a safe and good place.
TWL is not as scary now as it was in the beginning. My weight has leveled off, after a startling ten pound weight gain over a couple of weeks after I went off Atkins induction (20g carbs per day) and began eating normally. I don't know what I weight but I can still fit into my "fat clothes", thank goodness. And I don't care, which is completely amazing. I am learning the skills (that people without weight issues or eating disorders already have) that will enable me to lose weight in the future. Each time I overeat (which is often because I'm used to eating so much more) I realize that it is way too much, and see how I could scale down in future meals.
For example, last night I ate a regular meal with a beer at a local pub. My "normal" meal would be to eat everything plus two beers. The last time I did that I felt way overstuffed---it was a first for me to really experience that. So last night it seemed like one beer and all of the food was good, and it felt fine. However, maybe a half hour later I started feeling overstuffed and bloated, and I realized that even my smaller choice was too much. Next time I'll have either the beer or the meal...or maybe the beer and half the meal, depending. It consistently surprises me how little food it takes to satisfy me. I realize that the reason I ate so much in the past (and didn't feel stuffed) is that (1) I wasn't letting myself feel at all, and (2) I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to get more, or that it would be too hard to get more...basically that scarcity was involved. Presence and awareness.
So it truly feels freeing that I can have WHATEVER I want when my body is ready for it. And that I can even overeat if I want to---stuff myself---if I want to feel that way, as well. This freedom allows me to willingly choose NOT to overeat instead of forcing myself to stay in control all the time because of fear of gaining weight.
I also have learned a lot about body acceptance because of TWL. I have read some other books too on this subject, helping me to accept myself exactly as I am right now. I can look at my body and see that it's rather large but try to love it as I look upon it instead of criticize it. My body is remarkably healthy for all I've put it through, and has adapted the best way it's known how. It's a wonderful and miraculous body, and I'm working on appreciating it, which is also very freeing.
I think that the state I hope to arrive at someday fairly soon is the feeling I've dreamed about---being able to eat whatever I want as much as I want and not gaining a bit of weight---because "whatever I want" and "as much as I want" has changed so much.
~Pictures by LoveHubbie Mark