This is a video about my Christmas celebrations. They are all contained here in this six minute or so video. All of my decorating, and my celebrating at a very nice Christmas sing-a-long with LoveHubbie. In the process, just in one day, I came to realize that it was okay that Christmas celebrations are not for me.
I want to be nostalgic and sentimental about Christmas...I really do...but it is still not for me, I discovered. Yesterday.
I could blame it on things that happened many years ago, like my mother's suicide attempt on Christmas eve back in 1980. Or I could say it's because as much as I love Jesus, I don't get the singing about his birth; I'm a very non-traditional type of Christian. I just don't get the retelling of all of the stories and the trees and other decorations and Rudolph and Santa and Frosty. I don't have family (other than LoveHubbie) to celebrate with. I understand giving gifts to people, but I am repelled by the commercialism and don't see why we do it all on one day like that. I want to feel the excitement but I don't--I understand it, and wish everyone the best who feels it, but I feel excluded from it, and as much as I try to join in with the festivities, I can't feel anything but...well, you'll see in the video. And I think that after yesterday's experiences I've finally accepted myself just as I am.
I know that this post is a little darker than my normal posts, but I decided to do it in the interests of authenticity, and also because there may be some of you out there who feel the same way and who feel all alone. So you're not. And you're fine the way you are. Unless you want to change...like I did...but if you find out you're happier not changing, join me in celebrating this Christmas not as a Grinch, but as someone who wishes others well, appreciates their joy and celebrations, and enjoys the individuality and uniqueness of each of us, including those of us who don't fit in so well with our mainstream culture.
I can celebrate Joy and Peace and Giving in my own way this year and I will! Instead of just trying to fit in or boycotting the whole Christmas thing (I admit I've been a Grinch in the past), I will create a ritual(s) that is meaningful for me. I have books about this, but haven't put any energy into it in past years...this year I will. If any of you have any ideas to share about what you do that makes having an alternative Christmas meaningful for you, I'd love to hear it.
11 comments:
Mmm, I may have to do a post of my own to respond to this. I admire and respect that you are able to step away from the mainstream and maintain your own beliefs. I am not a christian but I am strongly spiritual.
In a perfect world, the spirit of Christmas would be there every day. I dislike the commercialism, but admit I most enjoy the anticipation on Christmas Eve, knowing that tomorrow, my family will be opening gifts that they really, really want. Children and the Christmas 'festival' are made for each other - singing, gifts, santa, glitter and tinsel! Being an adult, the Christmas season can sometimes have too much false gaeity. Sometimes we just don't feel like being jolly at Christmas time. For some people it's just too stressful.
I put up a christmas tree for my children, not for me. But then I do enjoy the ritual and their enjoyment.
There is a focus on charities and we become 'aware' of the homeless. We turn to the person next to us, often people we don't even know and wish them happiness and joy. This is a good thing and maybe it balances out the excesses.
How it got from baby jesus being born, to the financially stressful shopping frenzy of today is a mystery to me too. I guess I look at it as a time of gratitude for having family around me (we don't have a thanksgiving equivalent here in Oz), an excuse to have special food, to give simple, but special gifts. It is summertime and everyone is on holiday so the mood is relaxed and expansive.
So in summary, I like it, but prefer to keep it simple. I look forward to it, but don't relate to it as a religious time, more of a thanksgiving.
Apologies for the long comment, but you really got me thinking!
Wishing YOU a Happy Christmas!!
Olivia, I am SO with you on this one. Four years ago I decided to skip Christmas for all the obvious reasons...the commercialization, the pressure, the complexity of making families happy and SO ON.
OMG was that ever the BEST decision!!! No malls, no fighting over parking spaces, no stress, no NOTHING. I just got to observe the madness around me while floating around in my golden stress-free bubble.
This year is tricky since I am living in a household that does celebrate Christmas. I will navigate these waters as deftly and diplomatically as I can.
Good for you for accepting yourself the way you are.
Gosh, Olivia, does this mean you won't be going to the sing-along next year??
I'll admit to laughing through the last minute or so of your video, and even LoveHubbie, such an easy-going type, seemed to be forcing his smile ever so slightly during Rudolph.
As Kelly noted, far more important than loving Christmas or disliking it to the point that you would disclose any secret you had kept sacred for decades rather than be forced into more group celebrations is the fact that you acknowledge your own passion in this area, you have accepted it, and you know deep down that you are okay just as you are.
I promise not to break into the Hallelujah Chorus now, but way to go, O!
I'm not a big Christmas person either. I used to be, but that has passed now. I have my tree which I put up only because its fun and I like the pretty lights! And the cats LOVE it. Kiara climbs up through middle and it will sometimes topple over and within a week most of the decorations are lying around the house or under the tree as the cats flick them off and play with them with such wonderful enthusiasm! I love it! And I just put them back on the tree again when it gets too bare!! :) Last year it didn't go up though and it didn't matter.
The other day at work, someone said to me something about the stress of Christmas and was so surprised when I said I wasn't stressed at all. It's like you have to be stressed and run over with things to do at this time of year. Not for me!!!! I've learnt to accept that about myself too, not just with Christmas but also with my work ethic in general. There is so much more to my world than work work work work! I love my work but I don't want it to overrun my life. It has taken me many years to come to terms with that. And I am so glad that I finally have.
Love your videos!!!
Annie
xxx
Oh god Olivia, you just crack me up in the best possible way! Thanks for the warning about the Christmas music - I think you were very brave to go to that.
You know, I really consider myself pagan and I celebrate yule - this specific time of the year, not a particular day or anyone's birth or a whole lot of meaningless gift giving.
Since I no longer live near my family the yule season is much less stressful and more fun!
Patti,
Please never apologize for a long comment. I love your long comments because I always enjoy what you have to say. It's fascinating to hear that in Australia Christmas is in the summer...that was something I didn't know. I enjoyed your reflection on what makes the holiday special for you despite not being a Christian. It gives me much to think about as well.
Another thing that made me think about your post was whether or not I am a Christian or not anymore. When you described yourself as not Christian but spiritual, it resonated with me. I used to be a fundamentalist Christian, and now am recovering from that, but truthfully it's hard for me to give myself a label now.
At any rate, there was much material for thought, and I appreciate it, as I reflect and create my own alternative holiday celebrations.
Wishing you a simple and peaceful Christmas, O
Kelly,
It might be very challenging for you; however, it might be easy, too, and a different type of experience. Your golden stress-free bubble would be a gift to any Christmas celebration, better than an ornament on the tree :)
I will benefit from your experiences, I'm sure. I tried to just be present at the Christmas concert, tried to observe my breathing, even tried to distract myself and analyze what was going on, but I was almost in a panic-attack type mode of wanting to get out of there, and so just endured until it was over.
Wishing you a stress-free Christmas with your new family,
O
Rick,
ROTFL at your comment! I AM NOT GOING TO THE SING ALONG NEXT YEAR!! Right now I feel like I'll experiment again in 20-30 years with something else---something else!
LoveHubbie is pretty easy going at social things, and he was absolutely forcing a smile for the camera.
It is somewhat easy to accept myself. It is much harder to feel like I'm hurting others, who may take this as a personal rejection, even when I explain that I don't enjoy Christmas social events. Don't get me wrong, I'd still do it, and explain as kindly as possible, but still I feel sad that I'm probably going to hurt people.
Thank you for the acknowledgment Rick. I want to see it that way, as a passion and a point of self-knowledge and self-acceptance instead of seeing myself as anti-social. I will work on this.
Wishing you a close and enjoyable and easy Christmas filled with family and love,
O
Annie,
You're right about the group-think to be stressed at this time of year. People ask me all the time "Are you ready for Christmas?" I always just say, "Yes, and you?" and enjoy hearing them talk about what they're doing mainly because it's interesting but also because I'm so glad I'm not doing it myself...
I like your fun celebration with the tree and your cat...I can almost picture it from your description!
I'm so glad you like the videos and that you can see them without waiting up all night, too...yay YouTube!
Wishing you another fun and stressless Christmas down south,
O
Oh Olivia!
I laughed during the sing along. I don't know if I could have lasted through it... And I like Christmas!
Hey Kristine, :) xxoo, O
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