Thursday, December 13, 2007

Letter to Charles Eisenstein

Dear Charles,

Thank you for the comment on my blog. I'm very excited about your work with respect to the body and intuitive eating. I ordered all of your CD's plus the extra one you send me also. I'm happy to report that they were all in good working order (you'd said that some of them might be defective). They were fantastic.

I used to be a life coach, helping others to "release weight" but unable to lose weight myself, unless I went to the Optimum Health Institute (I expect you've heard of it) and ate raw foods for an extended time. I have been to OHI for as long as six weeks. I used to weight 250+. My lowest weight was 151.

I am now 190. This terrifies me on one level. But I don't want to get a short term fix. I want to heal my problem for good. OHI was wonderful for a cleanse, but I am wanting to heal the underlying roots of my problem with food; I'm not looking for a quick fix. I finally feel strong enough to take on whatever my issues are.

Since reading your books (TWL and "The Yoga of Eating") I feel like I've found the answer. At the same time, I've been reading Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now", which complements your work well, and is a spiritual foundation for my life. I have been eating this way for about a week or so...I feel free of food compulsions and cravings and obsessions. That in itself is a miracle!

I am feeling my feelings---all of them---which is also truly miraculous...and terrifying. I am 50 years old, and this is the first time I have allowed myself to do this.

In the last week I have gained some weight. Ten pounds, all of a sudden. I let go of the extreme control, obsession, and focus and my body responded in this way. I am persisting on, despite the fear and abject terror that invokes because I believe that above all, I want to be healthy. That entails recovery from years of dieting. This will be a process. maybe even a long process. There is so much I need to learn.

I am learning to feel my feelings, to breathe, to trust my body. My distant but enduring background is that of a fundamentalist Christian, taught to deny everything real and to focus on an external authority---the Bible, as interpreted by the male authority (pastor, husband, etc. ) in my life.

I have recently developed my "courage muscle" and am willing to take this on, and to trust in my body. Even with the weight gain. I want healing above all. I have faith in my body that it will normalize its weight over time as I heal.

It is terrifying to me. However, I believe so strongly in the wisdom of my body. And I do not...I absolutely do not...want fear to stop me from anything in my life.

I have as my support team my medical doctor, my therapist, and many amazing friends via the blogosphere. And my husband, who doesn't always understand what I'm doing (I'm a little avant garde for him), but who always tries to support me, and who always has been there for me.

Thank you for your body of work, for what you have shared via CDs and books. I hope to not only help myself, but others too. That is what I'd wanted to do as a life coach. I hope that I can do this via my blog and my personal example.

Sincerely,

Olivia Brown


TWL (Transformational Weight Loss) Resources:
TWL is described on my blog
here and here.
The book by Charles Eisenstein is available online for a donation
here and for hardcopy purchase from Amazon here.
For even more information about TWL from my blog, click on "Transformational Weight Loss" under my "Categories" header on the right sidebar, about midway down.

4 comments:

Leah said...

thank you for sharing your story olivia. i enjoyed reading it and i'm cheering you on!! xox

Olivia said...

Thank you so much, Leah...it's good to "see" you. I enjoy watching your creations via your blog. Love, O

Karen said...

What a wonderful letter! You are on such a wonderful, healthy, empowering path--and I'm cheering you on every step of the way!

I tagged you with a Christmas meme--hope that's okay.

Olivia said...

Thank you Karen. I love to be tagged! A Christmas meme is a particular challenge for me, but I will do my best. Love, O