Finally---The "Something Wonderful"

I wanted to tell you what the "something wonderful" was today. It is my first day that I haven't had to work for the family business at all in many, many weeks, including the weekends. Thus I finally have the time to think about what happened, and to process it.

In the last couple of months, I've been through a lot, and in the process I think I lost my way somehow, and lost the feeling that my life was my own. It started with the death of my dad in March. I next lost the closest friend I ever had, someone who was more like a sister to me, due to my trusting her when I never, ever should have. The financial problems that my husband and I'd had for a couple of years with the family business reached an excruitiating climax when we discovered gross mismanagement and other problems, necessitating my going to work there full time in April. I no longer had time to think, or even breathe, it seemed, and struggled daily over what had happened, the money we'd lost, and wondering if we could rebuild things. My husband and I debated about moving, alternative jobs, alternative life plans, etc. on very little sleep and eventually, fewer and fewer coping skills. I think I lived in fear, worry, and anxiety pretty much all the time, although I desperately tried to focus on the many things that were good with my life. I didn't blog much or even talk openly about our business troubles upon the advice of our attorney and other professionals, due to the way things had happened.

Then, last Thursday night, a good friend (D) suggested a business manager she knew of who might be available to help us (E). By Friday E was in the office and by Friday night he had straightened things out so that we had a sense of stability about our livelihood. I went into the office early in the week to facilitate the transition, but won't need to again, as our "white knight"---E---is managing everything competently and has begun straightening things out, as well as leading the other professionals we've hired to mop up our business disaster.

What this means is that we will get to keep our current house in the woods and our family business. It seems too good to be true, but it is---I have my life back, we will recover, and I've recovered my sense of ownership over my life now that I actually have time to think, to feel, and to take care of myself and my husband. It took a few days to really believe. Time is such a precious resource, and I will not take the time I have for granted again. I finally feel like myself. I now feel a sense of spacious and freedom and possibility about my life that wasn't there before, even before all of this stuff started.

I no longer want to procrastinate about really important things, like writing my novel, creating my art, and spending time with my husband doing things that are enlivening and joy-filled. And doing fun self-care things like yoga and blogging and socializing. Those are the things I really missed.

And I realized that for weeks I've felt like a victim, like something (money, especially, but my life, too, and my trust in people) was taken from me. I feel like I've gotten my balance back. And that nothing that really truly mattered was actually taken from me. So I don't feel like a victim any more. I feel like the lessons that I'm learning are going to be vital for me in creating the second half of my life (after I turn 50 this summer). So for me, this is all truly, truly "something wonderful".

~Picture of white knight from http://www.greatdreams.com