Okay, so I'm wondering how everyone feels about people in your offline life who don't or won't read your blog. I'm hoping to get a discussion going here, so please weigh in.
Some of my friends and family members read my blog and some do not. LoveHubbie sometimes reads my blog, and sometimes not. And then some of my friends read my blog, every last post. Sometimes I feel like those friends really and truly care about me. Is that dumb or what? I guess because my blog is where I share myself and share my heart, a part of me feels like "if you really love me you'll read my blog". Of course, I know that doesn't make sense. Some people don't like to get on the Internet. Others have a lot of people to keep up with. Others just aren't blog readers. Others don't know what blogs are.
And then I get really annoyed if I need to explain something that I've already blogged extensively about to someone who won't read my blog. Sometimes I just tell LoveHubbie, "Go read my blog!" but he's not big on reading in general, so that's not a very effective response to help our relationship. Not to mention that it's not a very patient or considerate response.
I'm not really proud of this...does anyone else feel like me? And I wonder why I can't seem to get over this embarrassing problem? What do you think?
~Picture from Cute Overload
16 comments:
I can't say I feel that way.. but admit that I would probably feeel dismissed if my *husband* wouldn't read it. Friends, I'd probably be more open-minded. Some friends might feel like you're dismissing *them. Rather than *talking*, you're asking them to go read.
My personal "thing" is reciprocity. If I visit someone continually, I will be insulted if they don't come back. It feels like they're saying with their actions "well, you don't matter as much as I do!"
I feel like "hey, I'm coming by.. putting myself totally in your space, ready to read what you wrote and respond in a meaningful way and, what?, you can't do the same for me???" What's up with that???
So which of us might be more immature is probably up for grabs. :)
Seriously though.. as far as offline friends and family reading, I think that's their personal choice. You brought up a bunch of good reasons why they might not.
I think they want you to talk to them. The blog might feel really impersonal.
Just the thought off the top of my head. As you say something, more will probably come up.
:)
~*
As for people in my life and my blog … everyone knows about my blogs, but no one (to my knowledge) actually READS or responds to them. It is what it is … neither here nor there. I might enjoy having them read & respond (or not) but I'm content with 'what is' because I have control over no one but me. When I visit others, read a blog and leave a comment, I do so because I have something I wish to convey ... and if others visit me in return, that's wonderful ... but it doesn't always happen that way ... and that doesn't keep me from visiting others and commenting again ... when I have time and something to share.
Hugs and blessings,
Chani,
I've got the reciprocity thing going on, too. (Which also is silly in the same way, you're right...)
But I'll take it one step further---if it was a so-called "famous" person whose blog I visited and commented on who then responded to my comment, I wouldn't expect reciprocity. Now is that crazy or what?
This just shows me the funny expectations...
I laughed out loud reading your comment :)
xxoo,
O
Virginia,
You've got the right attitude, that's for sure. That's what I think in my "big girl" head. The other stuff just keeps coming up for me. Maybe in time, I hope :)
Blessings and hugs right back,
O
I don't expect people whose blogs I read to read mine. I don't expect friends to read my blog. But I definitely would feel the relationship was not a good fit if my partner were not interested in my posts. Michael read my blog and said, "you misquote me." Sylvain can't wait to read a new post and will get miffed if I post right before bed and he finds out after his laptop is off.
So yeah, reading someone's blog seems to me to be a natural part of loving and caring about them.
I would feel like a real schmuck of a partner if I didn't read his.
No, I don't get mad, but sometimes it irritates me to have to repeat myself. So I can understand what you mean.
Good topic!
Kelly,
I feel the same way you do about partners. In my case, though, LoveHubbie doesn't...it's in those ways that it is sometimes hard to accept differences. Golly gee I'm here now, so what do I do and how do I accept this? I just do the best I can and focus on other things in him I am grateful for. But it is a disappointment.
You are very fortunate in Sylvain that he is so devoted and caring. I loved your story about the book on your birthday. It took my breath away!
On my part, I support LoveHubbie in his online communities and read everything he writes; for me this is part of being a good partner, too.
Peace and joy and kindness,
O
Kim,
It's funny, isn't it, that we're that way? Thanks, Kim...have a good weekend,
Blessings and rest,
O
I really understand how you feel about this, O. Just because our feelings are not always the ones we would hope to feel as adults doesn't in any way invalidate them.
In fact, the opposite is the case: when we have a sense of being undervalued by friends or loved ones, it is really important to pay attention to those feelings.
My marvelous wife is the best practitioner I know of in dealing with so-called immature feelings. She takes them straight to the people with whom she is feeling uncertain or under-appreciated. She explains that she feels a certain way and asks if they can help her deal with the feelings.
Sometimes, it works out great, and sometimes, it causes more hurt than one would expect (thankfully, this is a very rare event), but the air is cleared and everyone knows the deepest feelings and thoughts of everyone else in the discussion. And that, Olivia, is always a good end, even if the agreement is to disagree.
I am still learning from her model, as I tend to keep my insecurities bottled up, but Julia and I have many discussions around how one or the other of us is feeling slighted in the moment. It brings back the ease into the relationship to air everything.
I've told many of my family members about my blog--and not one of them reads it on a regular basis. My brother did at first--but not any more. My husband does sometimes, but like your, not always.
I've told a few friends and they don't read it either.
Occasionally, I feel the same way as you--like: why don't they read my blog? Do I bore them? Do they not care?
But then (when it comes to my family) I feel grateful that they don't read all the time...because they some of them have too many opinions as it is. Other's like my mom...well, she loves hearing about my blogging experiences, but never reads. She supports it and is interested, but is not very computer savvy and for some reason hasn't bothered to integrate blog reading into her life--even mine. But that's ok...because I know that she loves hearing about it more than anyone else.
My friends though...sometimes I wonder how good it would feel to have friends that were actually interested enough in ME to take the time to read about what I'm up to and thinking about. In the end, I've come to the conclusion that blogging and reading blogs is really something of a life style. It is not really as important to people that aren't in the habit of reading blogs. A habit--yes, that is probably the best way of putting it.
I've also decided that my blogging friends know me better than anyone. Sure, old friends might now me really well because they know me as an accumulation of my past as well...but to know me in my present state of being, you gotta read my blog.
unless you're my friend, mary, that is. She recently admitted to never reading my blog, but only because she doesn't have internet in her home. Strangely, we are able to catch up with every single important detail within even one phone call. And I suppose if your "real life" friends don't read your blog...then I can at least appreciate how well we're able to connect--even with out it.
Rick,
I agree with what you write about airing everything, and Julia's approach. Even if the other person doesn't care at all about their actions and the effects on you, it is good to know that and to deal with it.
Sometimes I struggle with being honest and open with those who resist this approach and who have proven that they are uninterested. In you, in your feelings, in how you approach things. If everyone is mature, no problem. But when this is the case it is hard for me. I sometimes choose harmony and acceptance rather than another (albeit only predicted) conflict.
I guess then the question is---why are these people my friends? It's easy to see why people remain family members, because choice is less here, but why are they my friends?
Food for thought...
Sacredness today and everyday, O
Jessie,
You wrote: "My friends though...sometimes I wonder how good it would feel to have friends that were actually interested enough in ME to take the time to read about what I'm up to and thinking about." I wonder this myself. I don't know, except for you all here. And with my online community I only get a portion of closeness because all of the interaction is online. But this feels more real and more valuable than what I have elsewhere.
I think that some of us (like you and me) want to be known by the people in our lives. Not to just BE with them and DO things with them. But BE KNOWN by them. Many people don't need this at all...maybe most people? I don't know. I just know that the friendships and the intimacy I find right here at the happyluau and at your blogs is incredibly valuable to me and has changed my life.
Thank you for your musings here, my friend,
Sacredness,
O
When I first started blogging I shared my blog address with friends and family. At the time it seemed like a good idea, a way to keep people informed about my life. Yet I never thought I'd share so much about my feelings and become so vulnerable. No one reads it, at least I thought. Turns out, the relatives that read never comment and they never mention that they read. I have found out indirectly or when they let something "slip" that I know I have only mentioned on my blog. And the weird thing is - I feel more guarded knowing that they read. I sometimes feel restricted because sometimes there are things that I would not choose to share with that particular person...(Plus there is the whole idea of not wanting to step on toes or say anything that might indirectly hurt someone.) I don't know - the who concept of online friends and in person friends gets strange after one blogs. I do think my blogging friends know the essence of who I am better than in person friends. And as for my husband, he never reads! I am ok with that too because we talk so much and he knows me better than anyone blogging or in person does!
Kristine,
It does get weird, doesn't it? Thank you for sharing how this works for you. We all have to come to some way of dealing with all of these issues, and it's interesting to see the differences...lucky lady with a caring husband!
In sacredness,
O
hmmm....it's funny b/c I was sort of giving my best friend a hard time the other day b/c she doesn't read my blog. Granted, she has very limited access to the internet but still....it bums me out....My partner reads my blog like a fiend, seriously. lol. He checks it multiple times a day. Actually I haven't told too many people in my offline life about my blog so I can have a space to write about things and not worry that someone will read something that will upset them or whatever....but...the few people I have told?? You better believe I want them to read it!
Welcome to the happyluau, defiantmuse! It's good to see you here. You are fortunate to have such an interested partner, that's for sure. Yep, that's the thing with friends who know; I want mine to read, too. Thank you for commenting and please come back! Blessings, Olivia
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