Sunday, July 20, 2008

BE BRAVE: Day 9: Sourcing Energy

"Energy is everywhere, but stillness plays a major role in its conversion from "potential" to "actualized" energy. [...]I was amazed to learn that butterflies have to spread their wings in the morning sunshine because the scales on their wings are actually solar cells. Without that source of energy, they cannot fly."---Laurie Beth Jones quoted in Joyce Rupp's "The Cup of Our Life"

Today I reestablished a practice that I used to follow religiously---a morning quiet time. It was a time for me to light a candle, read, be silent, meditate, read more. Breathe with God. Touch the Universe inside. Sit and orient and gain energy from my Source. When I read this quote yesterday, I was reminded of how, BD (before depression), I used to have a quiet time every morning before I'd do anything at all. Even when I worked full-time, this practice was mandatory for me to be spiritually fed before going about my day.

Over the years, the people I have chosen community with (husbands---all three, friends, family members) have not shared this practice, thinking of it as an obstacle to getting about the business of the day and as a waste of time, slowing everyone down when there were so many fun things to do or so much work to do, depending upon the day. Lately (AD, after depression) I've caved into my very local culture, at first just skipping these "quiet times" and then eventually not having them altogether, saving them up for a luxury on the weekend or for when I'm alone and there is nothing better to do. After all, my energy is so low anyway, I think. I waste too much time as it is. I'm centered enough, there's stuff to do. Silly, silly, silly.

I was inspired by yertle's blog this week, a post in which she describes herself and says she sometimes feels like a loser. All of her attributes were very, very desirable ones from my perspective! I realized how I, too, let others define me because I'm different or introverted and just forget to be proud of who or what I am. I buy into their views. I just forget. Still. After 50 years.

In the absence of people telling us this, or in the presence of people telling us the opposite, we all need to be free to source our energy, or we won't be able to fly. Even more, we need---I need---to stop buying into opinions about me that tear at the foundations of who I am. It's time. I'm ready.

I loved my quiet time today, and even more, loved visualizing all of the "opinions" from my inner critic and others who will never understand being written on little pieces of paper and burned. Paradoxically, I need the "quiet time" to keep myself centered on who I really am, and to stay connected to Source, to God, from whence my value truly comes.

~Photo of butterfly from The Littlest Bird


Rick Hamrick said...

That crazy, over-the-top applauding sound you hear is exactly that: me, applauding while trying to sound like a whole audience all by myself.

Thank goodness I have this whole interwebbian thingie to help me:

Please, Olivia, sit for one minute (the applause actually concludes at about 50 seconds) and go to this YouTube audio link and bathe in the adulation. If you are so inclined, a bow or two would be appropriate, as well.

This, my friend, is the Universe recognizing what a great and important realization you had today, one you are already taking action to reincorporate into your daily life.

On behalf of the Universe, I'm here to say, BRAVO!!! And, I can only add, Ho'omaika'i 'ana.

You are doing a great job, Olivia!

Olivia said...

Thank you, thank you, Rick :)

For all you non-Hawaiian speakers, "Ho'omaika'i 'ana" means "Congratulations".

That YouTube applause felt great...the celebration appropriate for the largeness of the realization :)

Mahalo nui loa,

(Thank you very much)

Aloha nui loa,


xxoo O O

mermaid musings said...

I am joining Rick!

Angela said...

What an incredible quote. "Without that source energy, they cannot fly." Wow. Thanks, Olivia. Keep on.

Jessie said...

morning quiet time...i also have strayed from this practice. i was so diligent about it when doing morning pages, but my life has gotten so hectic that i honestly forget to do it. i want that time back though. thank you for making me think about it again. maybe i should send reminder notes to myself via email. i wonder if i can pre-program my computer to do that?? :)- seriously.

btw, i've left a long string of comments for you to read. it feels good to have "caught up" with you a bit. you are a powerful woman.

Olivia said...

Thank you, thank you, Carmen! xxoo

Olivia said...

Thanks, Angela. Yeah, I thought that was amazing. And it's perfect, just---JUST---how I feel. I refuel in the mornings in a quiet time!

Peace and relaxation,


Olivia said...

Thank you for the comments, Jessie. I'm glad you're caught up with me, too. And I love reading your comments.

Sometimes people email me and say, "What's been going on with you?" and they don't read my blog. I usually refer them to the blog anyway, because so much of the time, what has happened several days ago is already behind me and I'm trying to be present now, dealing with perhaps totally different things. All this to say, Thanks for caring enough to catch up, J.!

Love you,


kikipotamus said...

Oh, wow, this is so good. It feels SO GOOD to see you claiming these things for yourself. I love how you articulated "caving into very local culture." That is what I've been doing for a year and that is what I am slowly stopping. Compromise is healthy, but not when it compromises my spiritual or physical health.

Olivia said...

Thanks, Kelly. Yes, I agree, even if it is very different and if I have to deal with comments or disapproval. It's just not worth the compromise in this area. Blessings and love, O