"Energy is everywhere, but stillness plays a major role in its conversion from "potential" to "actualized" energy. [...]I was amazed to learn that butterflies have to spread their wings in the morning sunshine because the scales on their wings are actually solar cells. Without that source of energy, they cannot fly."---Laurie Beth Jones quoted in Joyce Rupp's "The Cup of Our Life"
Today I reestablished a practice that I used to follow religiously---a morning quiet time. It was a time for me to light a candle, read, be silent, meditate, read more. Breathe with God. Touch the Universe inside. Sit and orient and gain energy from my Source. When I read this quote yesterday, I was reminded of how, BD (before depression), I used to have a quiet time every morning before I'd do anything at all. Even when I worked full-time, this practice was mandatory for me to be spiritually fed before going about my day.
Over the years, the people I have chosen community with (husbands---all three, friends, family members) have not shared this practice, thinking of it as an obstacle to getting about the business of the day and as a waste of time, slowing everyone down when there were so many fun things to do or so much work to do, depending upon the day. Lately (AD, after depression) I've caved into my very local culture, at first just skipping these "quiet times" and then eventually not having them altogether, saving them up for a luxury on the weekend or for when I'm alone and there is nothing better to do. After all, my energy is so low anyway, I think. I waste too much time as it is. I'm centered enough, there's stuff to do. Silly, silly, silly.
I was inspired by yertle's blog this week, a post in which she describes herself and says she sometimes feels like a loser. All of her attributes were very, very desirable ones from my perspective! I realized how I, too, let others define me because I'm different or introverted and just forget to be proud of who or what I am. I buy into their views. I just forget. Still. After 50 years.
In the absence of people telling us this, or in the presence of people telling us the opposite, we all need to be free to source our energy, or we won't be able to fly. Even more, we need---I need---to stop buying into opinions about me that tear at the foundations of who I am. It's time. I'm ready.
I loved my quiet time today, and even more, loved visualizing all of the "opinions" from my inner critic and others who will never understand being written on little pieces of paper and burned. Paradoxically, I need the "quiet time" to keep myself centered on who I really am, and to stay connected to Source, to God, from whence my value truly comes.
~Photo of butterfly from The Littlest Bird