Sunday, January 27, 2008

Sacred Life Sunday: Easy Does It

Today I took some time and reread "Transformational Weight Loss" (TWL) by Charles Eisenstein very slowly. Very, very slowly. This time I really paid attention and looked at what I'd absorbed and what I'd forgotten. When I first read TWL back in early December, I was so excited. It resonated with me after years of dieting and reading diet books and following unusual and rigid diet plans. I began to apply the concepts and then promptly forgot so much of what I'd read.

Rereading TWL yet again impressed upon me how revolutionary the concepts are and how vigilantly I'll need to apply them, at least at first. On the one hand, TWL is extremely easy and simple. On the other, it is challenging because it involves major changes in my long-standing beliefs. It is important to me to make the necessary changes now in preparation for the group that starts in February. I want to try out many things that I just read about and then never applied. In rereading TWL, I realized:

1. I did not learn in my body (i.e., get the "body knowledge") about which foods truly feed me and which do not nurture me. I accepted TWL in my mind but didn't apply it in order to have my body learn as well.

2. I wrote the TWL mantras down and then didn't use them. I totally forgot about them. I just blanked on them! Thus, I didn't really apply what I knew at all. I never developed self-trust, but still struggled with "explosions of pent-up desire", perceiving a "gap" that really wasn't there. Today Rick sent me an email that caused me to realize how this "gap" or wall or barrier was self-created.

3. I never really let go of control, thus continued to react to strict control by going out of control.

4. I never paused to check in with myself and thus stayed in out of control mode and never created any new habits.

5. I stayed in thinking mode also, eschewing venturing into feeling mode. I didn't continue to experiment with feeling my feelings. I stayed in my head.

6. I only ever had that one mindful meal which I vlogged about, but never did again, and totally forgot about it (or went unconscious about it) afterwards. All of my meals were accompanied by television. Thoughts of eating alone without television or reading petrified me so I didn't go there.

7. I didn't create a new vision for myself.

TWL is actually a natural process, even an easy process. But I didn't take it that way. First, I made it hard. Then I kept it in my head, never learning any new body knowledge to integrate. Lastly I forgot that I was in my head. And I ended up in a recovery group, at least knowing that something was off, but lost in a fog of remembrances and desires and control and habit.


Well, at least I realized this after only a couple of months and...umm...several pounds (I think we're into the double digits here...). But oddly enough, after rereading the book it seems amusing to me. I've made the mistakes, and I'm hoping to have learned from them. TWL will change everything for me---my entire approach to life---if I apply it! And there is no turning back now for me. I want this so badly I can taste it :)

"Most of all, you don't have to "figure out" what you are going to do. You don't need to find an answer. You don't need to find a way out. Don't go down that road. That is the road of trying hard, of struggle, and ultimately of despair. [Emphasis added.] It is enough just to be there, to be and to feel."---Charles Eisenstein in TWL

I hope think I got it. Finally.





Ok, I'm there...


Journey Through Life said...

This is a wonderful list of things to be aware of with TWL. And it is good that you have moved into this new place of awareness and also sharing your insights with us!
What is the group that starts in Feb?


Rick Hamrick said...

O--the amazing fact is that, of all the items on that list you made of the ways you had not truly adopted Eisenstein's techniques, none of them will still exist if you do the simplest of things long enough to form new habits, new communications lines (body to O...body to O...come in, O!), and experience a new outlook.

I love the quote you included, as it is the philospophical centerpiece of lots more than just eating (as Eisenstien notes several times in the book).

I'm excited for you, my friend!

Olivia said...

Thanks, Annie...I love your new picture, beautiful lady!

The new group is Charles Eisenstein's TWL online group:
It is the first online group he's giving and I'm excited to be in it.

Thank you, Annie for your support,

Love and peace, O

Olivia said...

Thank you, Rick! Of course, you are absolutely right with all you've mentioned. It is simple, and at the same time is contrary to the half-century groove I've worn of not any area of my life...listening to my body. I experience fear and resistance, but it's really just something new that I don't know how to do.

I remember when I was 10 and for swimming class I went to jump off of the high dive, and just stayed on the edge, afraid to jump and unwilling to go back. I stood there while everyone on the ground kept coaxing me to just step off. Eventually I did, but I feel the same now. I feel so afraid of what is going to happen to me, yet aware at the same time that there is nothing whatsoever to be afraid of.
It just takes a small step of courage...

Love, O

Patti said...

It is a matter of surrendering to healing changes, not resisting them, isn't it? I guess it only happens when we are brave enough to shake off our old identity and grow a new one, no matter how scary that may be. I like your diving board analogy. Hold your nose and jump!

Lori-Lyn said...

I've been so inspired by this journey you're on. I finally began reading RWL online (tried to order it, because I'd prefer a physical book, but that didn't work out.) I find myself gasping with recognition and also surprised at the emotions that come up for me.
What a powerful spot-on book this is.
Thank you for sharing your story with us.

Olivia said...

Patti, I'm jumping! xxoo, O

Olivia said...

You're welcome, Lori-Lyn! It has been likewise for me. xxoo, O

The Dream said...

Great post. Not dissimilar to my recovery journey. Spending too much time in my head is like hanging out in a bad neighborhood. This is where my addictions have a hey-dey with me. I need a SWAT team to get me out of there - prayer and meditation, sharing about it honestly with others, journaling about it ... all good stuff.

I'm going to attempt to quit smoking - again. Soon. Very soon. I have my target date set ... praying for the willingness to be willing. Prayers for you, as well.

Olivia said...

Thanks, Eileen. I think that all addictions are very similar. I'm sending prayers and good thoughts your way regarding your quitting smoking. Regarding your being willing to quit smoking. You'll know when you're ready...I think we all do. Thank you for your prayers, E. Love, O

kikipotamus said...

Ah, this is so great. Very inspiring. You got trapped in your head, but then you realized it and came back. It is scary, isn't it? Eating without reading or television, putting attention on the food and how the body feels with each food choice. Scary but revolutionary...effortless, but only if truly applied long enough for the shift to happen.

Olivia said...

I love that piece of wisdom, Kelly, which I think is key---"effortless, but [if and] only if truly applied long enough for the shift to happen."