Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Where Have I Been?... Lost.

I've missed Sacred Sundays and Wellness Wednesdays and all of the days in between. Where have I been? Right here. Lost in emergencies and problems and taking care of the next urgent thing, as I wrote to Jane, who is losing herself in the same way. It's so easy to do.

For me, when every day is scheduled to the max, and there are no breaks, and days are filled with energy-draining interactions with people, and you decided to stop drinking to support your husband, and you are running... running... running.... you can get lost. Like Jane. Like Nina (wow, she captures this so exquisitely). Like me.

Today is the first day out of many that I've had nothing scheduled and that I've had a chance to stop and think, start to get caught up on blogging, and just be myself. As an introvert, I get recharged from being alone, and at last I have a chance to recharge my batteries. I still feel like I have nothing to say, like I'm an empty well, but I wanted to reconnect and to say...something. To have something here rather than silence.

Lately LoveHubbie has been having a difficult time. Lots of problems and issues and troubles. So our home has been Drama Central. My challenge has been to support him with love while at the same time not be derailed by what he is going through, since they are his issues, not mine. We handle things very differently, and it does me no good to get overly involved and upset to the point where I cannot be supportive or take care of my own life. I am also challenged by rising to respecting his values and approaches to life when they are not congruent with my way of being in the world.

So I find myself at the end of the day, or even through the day...lost...just surviving...wanting to recharge...and now finally, finally, finally---getting that chance.

~Photo of Buddha by LoveHubbie Mark


laundrygirl said...

Thinking of you
praying for you
wishing you well
and sending you a virtual hug
Hang in there!

Olivia said...

Thank you so much, Kristine :) I appreciate it...so much!! Love, O

Lori-Lyn said...

Yes- thinking of you as always.
Big love.

Kikipotamus said...

I am also thinking of you and praying for you and sending you love energy. I don't know how you do it, really. Please continue to take good care of yourself, carving out that time you need to recharge. Love xoxo K

Olivia said...

Thank you, Lori-Lyn, for your support and love, O xxoo

Olivia said...


Thank you so much. I know that you know how this is. SO depleted, SO behind, SO harried and SO anxious. Just wanting A BREAK and ALONE TIME!!!

But today I got a respite, and am finally moving in the other direction and tomorrow I get one too...WHOO HOO!! Much love, O

patti said...

Yay for quiet & peaceful times!

Your absence made me wonder how things were for you. It sounds as though you have been a mountain of strength while all those stormy clouds have been hanging around you and Love Hubbie.

Good weather always comes, we just have to sit it out.

Kate I said...

I too have been thinking of you Olivia and sending lots of loving thoughts. Make sure you take the time you need to recharge yourself...in stressful times it's so easy to let it slide.

One thing I've been doing recently is while I'm at home, I set my timer hourly to stop and do 10 - 20 deep breaths. It's amazing how it helps and when you're finished, just set the timer again for another hour.

Olivia said...

Thanks, Patti,

I don't know about a mountain of strength but I've been hanging in there, and for that I'm grateful :) Thanks as always for your support, much love, O

Olivia said...

Thanks, Kate I,

I will try this. I need all the help and ideas I can get! But seriously, I am doing fine and getting through, xxoo, O

CrystalChick said...

Glad you are getting the chance to recharge again.

The photos of you here are really neat. How did you get that effect?
The Buddha picture is wonderful. :)

Olivia said...

HI, Mary,

Long time no see :) It's good to hear from you. I used Paint Shop Pro to alter my pictures and then to zap the color out of them. I am a real beginner with PSP---there are only a few things I know how to use, but the ones I do, I enjoy. I'm glad you liked them.

Thank you for your support,

Blessings and love, O

wooden toys said...

Sometime when someone's feeling lost and trying to get some energy just to feel better- all you have to do is to find ways that would actually divert your attention. You could go somewhere where you know you will enjoy. If you into sports, you can play badminton with your friends and hang out for awhile after the game. Anyway, just a tip. Wishing you all the best in life. :)

Olivia said...

Thank you for your suggestions, wooden toys, and for caring enough to comment. And a big aloha welcome to the happyluau!