Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Where Have I Been?... Lost.
I've missed Sacred Sundays and Wellness Wednesdays and all of the days in between. Where have I been? Right here. Lost in emergencies and problems and taking care of the next urgent thing, as I wrote to Jane, who is losing herself in the same way. It's so easy to do.
For me, when every day is scheduled to the max, and there are no breaks, and days are filled with energy-draining interactions with people, and you decided to stop drinking to support your husband, and you are running... running... running.... you can get lost. Like Jane. Like Nina (wow, she captures this so exquisitely). Like me.
Today is the first day out of many that I've had nothing scheduled and that I've had a chance to stop and think, start to get caught up on blogging, and just be myself. As an introvert, I get recharged from being alone, and at last I have a chance to recharge my batteries. I still feel like I have nothing to say, like I'm an empty well, but I wanted to reconnect and to say...something. To have something here rather than silence.
Lately LoveHubbie has been having a difficult time. Lots of problems and issues and troubles. So our home has been Drama Central. My challenge has been to support him with love while at the same time not be derailed by what he is going through, since they are his issues, not mine. We handle things very differently, and it does me no good to get overly involved and upset to the point where I cannot be supportive or take care of my own life. I am also challenged by rising to respecting his values and approaches to life when they are not congruent with my way of being in the world.
So I find myself at the end of the day, or even through the day...lost...just surviving...wanting to recharge...and now finally, finally, finally---getting that chance.
~Photo of Buddha by LoveHubbie Mark