Depression Recovery Moment #2: Address Emotional Eating

For other vlogs in this series, click "Depression Recovery Moment" in the sidebar on the right under "Categories". All videos are under one minute long and are intended to be reminders when you're feeling blue.

This DRM is 24 seconds:

A Path Not For Everyone, But Maybe For You

My class with Charles Eisenstein is called "The Yoga of Eating" and is based upon his book by that name. Many of you are familiar with Charles Eisenstein's book "Transformational Weight Loss" (TWL), a book that is an in depth look at part of "The Yoga of Eating" (YOE) that deals with weight loss. TWL is about much more than that, as those of you who have read it know. TWL and YOE are about the practice of trusting your body and all that this entails.

The YOE class is absolutely fantastic because it is a chance to converse with the author via Skype, ask him questions, discuss obstacles to my practice, and hear ideas that were not presented in the books. My class is small, so I get a chance to express my thoughts about what I've read and ask as many questions as I have. I cannot put into words how much, how positively this class and my readings are affecting me.

Both TWL and YOE are about much more than food, eating, and weight issues. They are about a different way of looking at oneself, life and the world. After my second class (number two of three) I decided that I was desperately hungry (pun intended) to find out more and so began to read Charles Eisenstein's "Ascent of Humanity" (AOH), planning on finishing it before my next and last class.



AOH is almost 600 pages, is Charles Eisenstein's life work, and looks (when you pick it up) intellectually demanding, dry, and philosophical (in a bad way). I've had it for about four months but it frankly intimidated me. After the last class though, I didn't care how hard it would be to plow through because I wanted to read it. I was very pleasantly surprised. AOH is intellectual, but passionate and spiritual and most of all---mind-blowing and life-changing. It fits in with everything, everything we've been reading here in our on-line community.

So I started AOH yesterday before I got sick and now I hate to put it down, even to come here to blog. I don't want to do anything else but read it. I want to find out what is coming next! I want to finish it before Tuesday so that I can ask the author any questions I might have. It is the type of book that you read once and feel it's impact, then read again and again to integrate into your life, to think about, and (I hope) to discuss it with others.

None of these books are full of dogma to be read and accepted or rejected. They are compilations of out-of-the box reframes about commonly held cultural assumptions. They are questions. They are new ways of looking at life. Most of all, they are invitations to experience truth for yourself and to come to conclusions that are life-affirming, playful, and joyful.



If you liked TWL, read YOE. If you've got to find out more, then read AOH. AOH fell into place for me after reading the novel "World Made By Hand".

If this all sounds like way too much, or if you just want to find out more but not immerse yourself at this point as I am doing, Charles Eisenstein is making serial videos about the content of AOH here. What really comes through in the videos is Charles Eisenstein's gentle and peaceful spirit and intellect. He says that the purpose of AOH and his other seminars based upon his books is to be life-changing. In my case, he has already succeeded.

However, the impact of all three of his books will continue to reverberate through my life as I integrate what I am learning from them into my spiritual practice. This part---this integration---has only just begun for me and is a journey. It is a setting aside of a lifetime of being a part of a culture that did not resonate with me in so many ways and left me filled with anxiety always and depression often. I am happy to embark on a different way, unsure of where it will lead me, but certain that I am where I need to be.



~Pictures By LoveHubbie Mark

~Post Title Shamelessly Stolen from Oprah about "A Course in Miracles"

Depression Recovery Moment #1: Perseverance

This is a new series I'm starting to help both of us (you and me) by vlogging in really short vlogs (less than a minute, some just a few seconds) about tips for living with depression.

I'm going to try to get them all up here before I go on vacation next week. Well...first I have to make them. And I have the flu. LoveHubbie has a severe flu (he is two days ahead of me). So we'll see what I can do with this.

It's fun to do something constructive and positive during this SSRI withdrawal. Someone should benefit from it, right?

And by the time I come back from vacation I'll probably be through the withdrawal, so I want to get these tips here in case you and/or I need or want them again.

This DRM is 32 seconds:

Wellness Wednesday: SSRI Withdrawal

It has been several days since I've been off SSRI's altogether and my weight has dropped a couple of pounds, but more importantly, the accelerated weight gain is over. I'm doing okay, although of course things are difficult, since I'm low on serotonin receptors. My doctor says that since I was on them for a short time I'll recover my receptors in a month or two.

I feel very peaceful about this decision. Most of all I feel relaxed that at last the panic of gaining 40 pounds in three months is now over. I've gone from a size 12 to a size 20W. But this provides many opportunities to accept myself and love myself as a large woman. I'm truly getting into these opportunities. Really. About 90% of the time. The rest of the time I feel bad. Bloated. Angry. Sad. Depressed.

Overall, I feel very blessed to be able to get off of these drugs that helped me so very much but that hurt me too in the long run. In my case, they hurt me more than helped me. If you're not depressed, try being somewhat overweight and then gaining 40 pounds really quickly; you'll probably feel pretty bad, especially if you have concomitant health problems.

So today I am grateful.

I am very tired, so I'll write more tomorrow. LoveHubbie got an award tonight and we just got home from a dinner meeting. I want to tell you about the Charles Eisenstein class, but I'll wait until tomorrow so that I can give it a fair shake.

~Above picture of Hawaiian Queen Kaahumanu from Wikipedia

Tumultuous Tuesday

Today I had a very intense day made up of many appointments, lots of stress at home, doctor's results---fodder for posts for days---causing me to yearn for my upcoming vacation, always a time of spiritual and emotional renewal as well as physical r&r.

The day was capped off by the second of three "The Yoga of Eating" classes with Charles Eisenstein, (see some excerpts here) which blew my remaining circuits (those that remained unblown after today)...but in a good way. A profound way.

More tomorrow. Bed now, but not till I wish a fine friend a happy birthday in about a half hour (Wednesday)!

How To Live II

"To know what you prefer instead of humbly saying 'Amen' to what the world tells that you ought to prefer, is to have kept your soul alive."---Robert Louis Stevenson

~Photo by LoveHubbie Mark

How To Live

"Goethe proclaimed, "When you finally trust yourself, you will know how to live." ...We get into trouble not because we do not know what to do, but because we do not pay attention to what we know."---Alan Cohen

~Photo from "Then There Were None" by Martha H. Noyes

Sacred Life Sunday: Spousal Support (Something I Could Do More Of)

Today LoveHubbie needed some support. So I took the day off and we went to downtown Olympia, walked around the port (which is at the south end of Puget Sound), downtown (note the abundance of public art), and on to our favorite pub. We then came home and watched a Tivo-ed "CBS Sunday Morning" and part of "60 Minutes"--the part about the colony collapse disease of the bees. Lastly, LoveHubbie phoned and talked to his daughter in college in Texas and went on to bed, since work had kept him up most of Saturday night. I stayed up to vlog to you about our day.

The song here is the Oscar winning (as of a few hours ago) song "Falling Slowly" from "Once"... Please excuse my voice and the traffic sounds during the video; I thought I'd be able to edit them out, but I couldn't figure out how to do it. If anyone knows how to do it with WMM, please let me know! Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy sharing our day with us (and...ummm...knowing what raku is now, just like Mark...)

Cage Art

So what's the deal with this Cage Art I'm attracted to? I didn't realize until I made this video that both pieces feature cages. It's only 37 seconds long :)



The beautiful pieces are from Maddie and Karen---Karen's (my new piece called "She Holds the Cage") just arrived today :)=Big Big Smile!

There must be some significance to this!

Wellness Wednesday: Self-Pity or Gratitude?

Magnificent Moody Monday

I missed posting on Sacred Life Sunday. But I had a great time just chatting away in a girlfriend-esque style (which I haven't done in a year, mainly because I haven't had a girlfriend) with Annie in Australia via Skype. It was great and made the day feel special...and sacred, indeed.

On the subject of loneliness: see Thailandchani's response to Annie's post which is drawing quite a bit of commentary. I think it is hard for us loners (and I am one of them) to understand how disconnected our Amercian society has become. We all crave intimacy, yet some of us suffer more than others in isolation. I don't feel like I suffer too much anymore because of the many rich connections I have via the Internet. Still, we are a community here, and as such can reach out of ourselves to be connected. I know that I can reach out more than I do, because I love intimacy...and I know that each person out there is a part of me as well---this is one of my spiritual beliefs.

Well, as for today---Magnificent (because it is another day of being alive) Moody (because that's how I feel) Monday---today I am feeling full-force the effects of SSRI withdrawl. I decided to go bare because of the continual and unrelenting weight gain caused by SSRI's, which is causing me more problems than my so-called depression was. I had thought that this weight gain was caused by emotional eating, but I've been doing this all my life, and the rapid weight gain has occurred only since October of last year (about 2-3 pounds per week)...coincidently when I started taking an SSRI. So I've been reading about this---who knew? I'm titrating down, but am exhausted all...the...time... and so tired and unmotivated. I do think that this will pass. My SSRI helped me tremendously but has come back to bite me, and I feel like I'll do better in the long run by doing things in a more natural way. I am thinking I can tolerate depression more than massive uncontrollable weight gain. I mean, where does it stop? Years ago I weighed 250 pounds and was in a wheelchair---I've been there, done that.

Here are some old pictures of me on my honeymoon in 2000:




Then, three years later after a 90 pound weight loss:


I'm right smack-dab in between the two sizes now.

It's sort of a no-brainer. But it's not how I look as much as how I FEEL. We all want to feel good, feel healthy. That's what I want too.

One of the problems with carrying so much weight is foot pain, so that I can't walk easily for exercise. Despite the pain, I resumed Nordic Ski Walking (which minimizes stress on my legs, knees, and feet) last week because I benefit so much from the fresh air, time to think, and sheer physical movement. Plus for once it wasn't raining here (I live near Seattle). It was magnificent!! Thus I am in pain all the time. But I still feel like I'm better off this way than idle and sedentary. I feel better overall. I just feel the pain and breathe and know that this too will pass.

We all have our pain and our challenges. We're here to encourage each other. To be there for each other. Thank you to all of you who are there for me.

Powerful Suzi Blu Video---Sexuality & Boldness

I just love this video by Suzi Blu. I wish that I had come to this realization years ago. I wish I could express my feelings as well as Suzi Blu does today.



This Suzi Blu Valentine's Day video is provocative and powerful. It made me think. Here are some quotes:

"When women are powerful in their sexuality they are seen as a threat; and it's not just from men, it's also from women..."---Suzi Blu

"The way our society is right now, it does not support a woman being bold. It doesn't!"---Suzi Blu

Wellness Wednesday Valentine's Day

Book Review---World Made By Hand

I want everyone---EVERYONE---that means YOU---to read this book: "World Made By Hand" by James Howard Kunstler. You absolutely will not be disappointed, even if you couldn't care less about global warming or oil or America's future. You care about you---so you'll want to read this. All of you. Even the non-readers. Really. Don't think of reasons why not. Just buy the book and read it!

It is a novel---a fascinating, exciting, fun book! Here's what I wrote about it on Amazon:

"This book is a great read, an unusual type of science fiction, or better called "speculative fiction" about what our future might hold for us here in the United States.

Even though it takes place in a particular small town in New York, you can imagine vividly what would happen in your town as you read it.

I made this video immediately after finishing this novel. I started it last night and finished it this morning, unable to put it down.

My video is a rave about the book, which everyone certainly will like, even if you are unaware of or uninterested in the important questions it raises. By the end of the book you will have a different perspective, I promise."

If this intrigues you, see my 3:32 review here:

Emotional Practice

Tagging sensations---translating bodily sensations into emotions---is a skill, an emotional practice. I've trained myself and received formal training as well in doing this for others via graduate school in counseling and a post-graduate certificate in life coaching. However, having a personal emotional practice in identifying and dealing with my feelings is something that I've trained myself for half a century not to do:

Early years of being physically beaten and verbally battered as a child and trying to deny and/or forget my feelings
So that I could survive and be able to love my parents even at the cost of distrusting myself and my feelings.

Years of schooling and working jobs while ignoring any feelings I might have
So that I could be productive and achieve, achieve, achieve...

Years spent in a fundamentalist religion and training myself to overcome any and all feelings
So that I could better serve God.

Eons spent in unhealthy marriages valuing the longevity of the marriage over my own needs and desires
So that I could successfully avoid divorce...
I've been married three times.


It's pretty amazing to realize this. In an odd way, I'm appreciative of my weight problem and emotional eating struggles which negatively affect my health, forcing me to develop a healthy emotional practice now. It is apparently only now that I am old enough, strong enough, mature enough, strong enough, and safe enough to do this. I am grateful!



~Pictures by LoveHubbie Mark