Monday, December 6, 2010

Life is Short, Let Go of Striving

I wanted to share with my happyluau readers something from my private homeopathic hcg diet blog, edited and enhanced here, because it relates to life in general, and some of you may find something to encourage or inspire you in it.

I mean this in a good way, that I'm not going to be trying to figure out what my body is doing with respect to weight loss, but just doing the very best I can, letting my body do its thing and not worrying.
I wrote about something in a comment about self-beatings. I grew up being beaten up physically (and verbally) almost daily by my mother. I got used to this. As part of my personal growth journey, I've tied the way I've used food to these beatings. I would overeat and feel badly and then punish myself with my thoughts. This deeply held pattern was carrying on my mother's horrible legacy in a particularly mean way. I don't want to do this to myself! So my goal now is to either: Choose to eat, to enjoy it, and not beat myself up about it; or choose to tap*, or not eat, and not feel deprived either. Just choose. And be gentle. And enjoy.
Overeating, though, is not really enjoying. Eating what my body wants is.
At 53, I probably will only live (at most) 17-40 more years. That's not many to me! And that's if I don't get hit by a bus or have an aneurysm or something like that. I continually remember what happened to Chani--my very intimate friend who died unexpectedly at 58. I don't want to carry on my mother's legacy or do anything more to myself or to anyone else that isn't kind, gentle, and loving. I don't want to abuse myself anymore by overeating, but instead use food for what it was intended--health, delight, celebration, joy, fuel--in quantities easily handled by my body. Sometimes I won't get it right, but that's okay. I want to be a good healthy weight. So that I can move around and not hurt so much in my remaining years. 
No one will be looking at me in my coffin knowing or caring if I was 176 or 183 or 192.8 pounds. (Actually I'm going to be cremated so no one will be looking at me period.) And no one will care what I did on the hcg diet--if it was 24 pounds I lost or 28 or 34 or 40. I don't even care too much now, although I do want the hard work and missed good meals to pay off. 
I just want to be GOOD to myself. As good as I am to everyone else, better even. Gentle, kind, sweet. That's all, now.
PS. I am tapping a lot lately. Really getting into it as an almost meditation practice.
PPS. I was highly, highly inspired by Patti Digh's post yesterday on "Letting Go of Striving". What wisdom! I think/hope I am doing this with respect to my weight. Years ago...I was 24 years old...a prophet "had a word for me" (this was someone who didn't know me at all, and the only time this ever happened), and it was "Stop striving!" So it has taken me almost thirty years, but I think I am finally learning how to do this.
*"tapping" refers to "fasterEFT" the protocol and philosophy of EFT (a type of energy work combining a sort of acupressure with neurolinguistic programming and hypnosis)  I am now learning.

This "letting go of striving" that Patti writes about is probably the biggest lesson I wish I'd learned when I was younger. Knowing what really matters.

Today, let go of striving. Be gentle with yourself and with others. Accept yourself and enjoy your days. Remember Chani, who thought she had forever--she didn't and neither do you. You have today, so celebrate and be good to yourself, my dear sweet friends. Enjoy this day, which is filled with blessings.

~Photo is old photo of Chani of when she was much younger, one that she especially liked, edited by me.


patti said...

Yes, being gentle with yourself and eating to enjoy food. I always think of the French and mediterranean cultures who take so much pleasure in simple, healthy food. La dolce vita!! It really is too short!

Olivia said...

It is, Patti, and you realize so much as it flies by. I wish I'd known when I was 20, or 30, or 40 how precious each moment is. Peace and love to you, O

Kate said...

A very thoughtful post. It is so true that we don't know the time we have. I have gone down that road recently as you know. It is so easy to slip back into living numb where life is just going by and we forget how truly precious it is. Thanks for the wonderful reminder. Life is a gift and we all need to use it wisely.


Olivia said...

Thanks, My Queen. Yes, I'm sure you've felt this, and you're right that we can slip back so easily. Life is such a precious, fragile, beautiful gift! Love and blessings on your day, O

kate i said...

Olivia, we're both on the same page today about being kind and loving to ourselves. I'll have to learn about the Faster EFT...I do a bit of the regular EFT but haven't heard of this. Wonderful post!

I'm glad you liked my's always a bit difficult for me to know just how much to put out online as I have many family and friends who read my blog and I want to respect their privacy.

Olivia said...

We are, aren't we, kate?!? I will have to do a post about fasterEFT, as it is intriguing to me and I think other people would be interested too.

I have the same issues, with a blog being public and permanent. If I have permission I will share about others; otherwise I just share about myself and about what I would accept if it were on the front page of our local paper. Or if someone who would be delighted if bad things happened to me read a post. That does feel bad. Though to me, it removes power from them if I openly admit my vulnerabilities, too.

Glad we're in sync, kate :) xoO

Anonymous said...

This is so wise! You seem to be in the middle of a huge growth spurt. Does it fee like that from your side? Because it looks like that to me from this side.

Olivia said...

Thanks, Kelly. It does feel like a growth spurt to me. I think it is because of the hcg diet and all of the personal work and tapping I am doing. Much of this is spiritual as well. And I feel better and have more energy and am stronger so I can do more, stand up for myself in situations, let go of things I need to let go of easier, etc. It does feel like a SPURT! I'm glad, I can use it :0

Thanks always for your support--peace and love, xoO