Sunday, April 27, 2008

Sacred Life Sunday: Too Tired to Blog :)

Another Sacred Life Sunday. I don't know what to blog about today but I want to blog and stay in touch with everyone.

It was so great to hear from Kelly with all of her new life changes. And Angela's back! So is Claire! I miss Lori-Lyn's videos, don't you? Did you see Rick reading his poem this week? A bagillion other things going on to. I want to stay in touch.

My life feels like it's in an uproar. I'm very, very tired. I'm having my thyroid checked this week. SO TIRED. Little piddley things have been distracting me from book writing (the Moku'ula book) as well as big things.



The land immediately surrounding our home is going to be up for sale. If we don't buy it then it could be developed. It feels like such an inappropriate time to be borrowing even more money and to be buying more land here instead of something in Hawaii. On the other hand, if we don't buy it, we could be (and probably will be) not in the forest any more. We'll be in a development. And our house could be worth far less. And even more importantly, we'll have an urban lifestyle, which defeats the whole purpose of having a house in the forest. So LoveHubbie and I have been talking about how to do this. I suppose it's never a bad time to buy land (if you can afford it, and we're not sure of that either). On the other hand, my heart is in Hawaii and this is one more tie, one more commitment to the mainland that I don't know that I'm ready to make.



We don't own our own driveway. We have to maintain it, but we actually just have an easement so that we can access our house from the road. Few would buy this precious land to keep the trees; economically, it only makes sense to spend the money if you're going to develop it, or for us---to protect the value and surroundings of our home.

There are things we can't see. Like that perhaps the value of land here will skyrocket and then we'll be able to sell it and afford Hawaii. Or an infinite number of other scenarios. I've been having nightmares about it, just because it's a big committment.

And at the same time on an entirely different note, LoveHubbie is willing for me to go back to Maui to work intensively on the book. If I can get enough done here to make it worth my while. There is so much history to research, so much language to decipher, so many stories to learn of. And each day it seems like the urgencies of the day have prevented my getting to what I want to do most. I feel defeated and like I've accomplished nothing except surviving the day.

So I decided that I'm going to limit my outside activities to one day a week. Right now they're spread all over the place because my schedule is so "flexible". It's time that I really get serious about what I'm wanting to do. Or I will never get it done; I'll be always treading water and swimming in someone else's sea.

Gotta get some energy here.

8 comments:

Carla said...

Nice to read your words tonight, O. I've had a hard time staying connected in blogland, appreciate your efforts! Much love, ~C.

Olivia said...

So so good to see you, Carla...I know this feeling of emptiness...yes indeed, xxoo, O

thailandchani said...

I like the idea of being able to read your book. As soon as it comes out, I will definitely be buying it.

As for blogland, it's a strange place. Lately, I'm being far more discriminating about what I read.. and how I read it. For a while, it was all the social networking stuff - but I think I'm done with that.

Now I'm reading the sites that really interest me (yours being one of them).

I'm thinking that will be the future of blogging. Less social networking and real community of likeminded others.

Kate said...

Olivia,

Such hard decisions you are facing. I say follow your heart....

Kate

Olivia said...

Thanks, Chani. I admire your discipline and focus. I can learn a lot from it. I'm SO glad you're here, O

Olivia said...

Absolutely, Kate! That's always great advice, Love, O

Angela said...

Olivia,

I sure would hate to see that beautiful land developed, but can also understand what a big decision this is for you and LoveHubbie. I hope it works out for you to return to Maui to work on the book!

Olivia said...

Thanks, Angela. Me too, me too :) Blessings tonight, O