Post-Valentine's Day Reflections

Oh, so many of you shared such helpful things with me after my Valentine's Day post! Thank you for sharing with me how you see Valentine's Day. I wanted to summarize and highlight parts of your comments that really helped me here, not just in the comments, because really they are so good that they warrant a separate post. I did put some personal notes in the comments for each of you too though :)

♥

Many of your eschew the cultural and materialistic demands of the holiday. It was interesting to me that this is true of people with good, strong marriages.

kate shared about some of the energetic factors involved; she wrote that when we stop needing something, stop striving with a strong attachment, then in some way we release the resistance and what we want can slip into our lives easily, naturally.

kate also wrote that it is unkind to oneself to allow our minds to entertain painful thoughts--things that cannot be changed or controlled. It is sort of an invited misery, as I see it. kate writes that it is hard work to practice self-love and self-kindness with the mind but it is worth it.

Angie shared how she and her husband have created their own way to commemorate their love by celebrating their first date instead of Valentine's Day. It's not as busy of a time and there are no long lines to compete with.

Patti lives the themes of the love celebrated at Valentine's Day all year long. She and her husband let each other know throughout the year, especially in simple ways, that they love each other. He doesn't like the commercialism of Valentine's Day at all. She shared a story of an elderly couple's love and how moving it was--I find that the most moving love story of all--a story of love that has endured through years of life's trials.

Kristine wrote her feelings about Valentine's Day on her blog and linked to it. She wrote about how competitive it can sometimes be and how she focuses on sharing love in general with everyone. I know that many of you do this. Love For All. I am going to definitely focus on this next Valentine's Day and be open to love wherever I find it and wherever I can give it in 2013. She also shared some memories she called cheesy, but that I think are super-cool. Demonstrations of love--I'll take all of them--no matter how expressed! I love what she wrote: "Every day offers the chance to love extravagantly." So very true! She also shared a link to this good-good-good Valentine's Day story--everyone go there--you'll love it!

Lori-Lyn wrote about how she can now enjoy Valentine's Day without wistful longing because of a relationship with her higher power. Even though I wrote about this in my post, I so quickly forget and let myself be taken back to be mired in thoughts of intense and painful longing. She also brought up that it's okay to have things be both/and--to be bittersweet. We don't always have to be one thing or the other.

Mary wrote about how it's challenging to get our self-love and love from a higher power to the degree that we don't feel that we need it from other's at time. I agree and feel as though I am just beginning on this journey. She and her husband, as many of the strong marriages of my friends, celebrate but don't need anything in particular as they already know that they love each other. This is a good place to be in.

Karen wrote about the support, loyalty and respect that her husband extends to her throughout the year, thus not requiring extravagant displays on a particular day. Isn't this what love really is---and how can there be love without them. Without support? Without loyalty? Without respect?

♥

I have learned so much from all of you. I am so glad I posted that post because without it I would have not learned so much from the shared wisdom of each of you. Thank you my friends, for how you bless me on Valentine's Day and every day! xoO

~jpeg from thecoloringspot.com

I Want to Go To Green Mountain

I am going to write a post about the wonderful comments you wrote on my Valentine's Day post and what I learned---so check back soon!

Instead, tonight I wanted to share with you a post about why I want to win Karen C.L. Anderson's big Giveaway for a trip to Green Mountain at Fox Run. Tomorrow (Feb 16th) is the last day to enter, so if you are interested, enter right now! Anyway, here is the essay I wrote about why I want to win:

"I think that self-love, self-acceptance, self-validation--the lack of these are the roots of my almost half-century of disordered eating. I have tried numerous other ways to approach my relationship with food and none have been helpful in any long-lasting or real way. Of all of the ways I have tried, constant dieting and food restriction has been the most destructive.

I have resonated with the work of Geneen Roth and Mary O’Malley on compulsive overeating. I have tried to apply their processes with varying degrees of success at different times in my life. I do believe that they have the answer, and I need to work with myself to learn to become skillful and mindful in the way I eat. Although I’ve read widely on self-acceptance, mindful eating, and intuitive eating, so many questions remain. I think that there are many things I need to discover for myself and many things that I can only experience with others. 

I enjoyed re-reading Karen’s posts about her Green Mountain experience and have a couple of reflections: 

Karen included in one post a quote from Darla Breckenridge: "Abusing food cuts our heads off from our bodies.” I think that this disconnection is what I’ve wanted somehow, or at least not minded. Unfortunately, it is also the reason I avoid yoga and meditation and most activities that involve my body--because the body becomes one with the mind and heart, and for me this still feels like too much to bear. But yet I want to go there…

I would so like to reconnect my head to my body, even though I also fear it! I know that I have been stuck in a destructive cycle of self-loathing for most of my life. I know that a childhood of physical and verbal abuse as well as abusive adult relationships have affected my ability to be whole. I am at last working towards reparenting myself, learning to value myself, and finding love, acknowledgement, and safety--especially from myself. 

I would see my time at Green Mountain as a chance to focus on applying what I know in a safe, supportive environment with others on the same journey as I am. I can actually practice there with support. I would love to take the classes and take the time to look within to find answers to my questions."

It's easy to enter the Giveaway, and the winner is chosen at random based on entries, so you don't need to write the best essay. I spent some time on this and posted it because I wanted to be clear about where I am currently with my problem with emotional eating. And of course, because I would be sharing it with you. Karen has links on her blog to several posts she wrote about it if you want to find out more.

Valentines Day--How Do You See It? I Want to Know!

Here are two beautiful Valentines from two of my friends:

(1) From kate
This is the key, isn't it? To so many things...maybe to everything...

(2) From Lori-Lyn
So much love, as always, from Lori-Lyn.

These made me feel so loved! Many of you also had special blog posts for today. I celebrated too for those of you with "traditional" Valentine celebrations with your mates.

Are you like me? I love the valentines, so much. There is a part of me that still longs for the "traditional" valentine, and I wonder why?

My belief is that the Greatest Love that we need to find and cultivate in this life is love for ourself and love from our spiritual Beloved--these overlap in a mystical way that I do not yet understand. I would say I'm only beginning to realize and celebrate this Greatest Love. 

So that's the consciously held belief. Then there is the yearning, and the yearning fights with the belief. I want the hearts and flowers. I want the romantic dinner out at the lovely restaurant. I just want to be someone's special Valentine. I think I've wanted that forever. Maybe that is promoted by my cultural upbringing, Hollywood, etc. Or maybe it is some romantic flaw I have that is due to some odd personality weakness. I don't know. I just know that this is how I am, for whatever reason.

Valentine's Day is yet another holiday that I try to make into something meaningful, and succeed to some extent. I still struggle with feelings of being left out, though, as though like everything else, it's for other people but not for me. I feel that way about Easter and Christmas too. I wonder if it will always be this way.

How about you? Are you a slave to our culture's expectations for Valentine's Day? Do you truly find fulfillment in self-love and love from your Higher Power? Love from family and friends? Or do you yearn for a special and particular romantic love from someone? What are your thoughts? Is anyone else writing/talking about this?

Let me know, xoO

Just Needed a Laugh Today

After having gastroenteritis for a week, I now have that virus-thing that's going around with the dry cough, sore throat, moving to painful lungs and hacking, then continuing on to basic flu-like symptoms. I needed a laugh. Here is something from Ellen DeGeneres that is short but hopefully will make you smile too:

Sacred Life Sunday: Fragility

Today Oriah Mountain Dreamer had a few words to share on her Facebook page about the passing of Whitney Houston yesterday. She wrote:

"Read about the passing of Whitney Houston. The article I read said this: "She had the perfect voice, and the perfect image: A gorgeous singer who had sex appeal but was never overtly sexual, who maintained perfect poise." Could not help but think- "Death by perfection." Perfectionism tears at wholeness, leaves no room for the humanness. That kind of projection can kill a person. Just terribly sad."

"Death by perfection"--it's something to think about. What pressure must Whitney Houston have had upon her to be the perfect singer, the perfect mother, to have the perfect marriage? Perfection and striving are deadly indeed, but this is something that I didn't learn for a long, long time. I feel grateful and fortunate to know this now, privileged to be able to explore it here, and very, very sad for Whitney Houston and her family.

Life is so very short, and so fragile.

~Photo from Oriah Mountain Dreamer's post today on her FB page

Goings On...Back Home

Thanks to all who wished my well after my bout with gastroenteritis. People are being hit like gangbusters with "sudden vomiting and diarrhea"...we had a cheerleading competition here in WA and the cheerleaders were smitten--not pretty.

I'm now back from Atlanta, and wanted to share a few pictures and movies of the snow here from the last few weeks with you. These are before the subsequent wind and ice storm, before all the damage was done, when things were still pretty. I hope that you enjoy them...

This is our back porch:

Here's our woodshed seen out of the bedroom window. Can you see the little towers of snow on the tops of the posts?

Here's my car covered in the snow:

You almost can't recognize the front of the house:

This is a 29 second video in which I try and fail to capture snow falling from the trees. It's still so beautiful...

It came out a little small, and the quality isn't what I'd like. I'll work on this :) It's impErFect!


And in this 26 second video you can feel the stillness...the only sound is that of the chimes.

Peace and love to each one of you...I am glad to be back and to see you here!

Shame

I am still in Atlanta, but scheduled this to post hoping that I might get a discussion going by the time I return. What do you think?

In the women's therapy group I am a member of, we are exploring the role of shame in our lives. For this we are using Brene Brown's shame curriculum, which is excellent. Did you know that research shows that everyone experiences shame--everyone! Some more than others, some less. 

This week one of the things we discussed is the difference between guilt, shame, humiliation, and embarrassment. I found it interesting to think about the distinctions between the four feelings.

As I see it, guilt is what we feel when we think "I have done something bad or wrong". 

Shame is what we feel when we think, "I am bad or wrong" and we feel disconnected, cut off from others, not belonging.  

Humiliation is what we feel when we do not believe we deserve the shaming behavior of someone else--we don't own it and we feel badly because we think we are being unjustly treated. We may have done something wrong or made a mistake but don't accept the shaming for it. 

Embarrassment is when we make a mistake or do something wrong, feel bad, and yet know that other people do and feel the same things--we are not alone. 

Isn't that interesting? What do you think? 

Cleaning Up the Mess

Oh my, what a mess we have here!

After Snowmageddon 2012, we had a wind and ice storm that brought down more debris, so I have my hands full helping to coordinate the cleanup with the assistance of our wonderful insurance agency. I'm learning a lot about many different things and meeting new people--our project manager (who works with the construction workers, the roofer, the painters, and the gutter installers), an arborist who will see what trees can be saved, the people who will clean up the large debris and do chipping, and our terrific gardener who is taking care of regular debris cleanup.

While this is going on, I am making a short trip to Atlanta to support a relative there in the treatment program I've visited before. It is an alumni visit, a reunion of sorts, and I'm quite excited about it.

The mess will still be here when I return, but I think good progress will be made.

I am so very, very grateful for power.

I am also grateful to NOT be one of the people who had trees fall and crash through their roofs, effectively cutting their houses in two. Or who had their roofs pierced by a tree branch and now have water all over their belongings. Or who didn't have insurance and now are faced with overwhelming financial losses.

This storm was something that I know we all will remember here for years to come.

Thank you for all of your support, prayers, and comments, my friends.

Snowmageddon 2012

Hello to everyone; I have been snowed in here in south Puget Sound for the past several days. I'm sure it's been on the news--"Snowmageddon" is what everyone here is calling it...I guess we were some of the worst hit here. My blog has been posting away posts that I've scheduled in advance, and so I'll catch up with it, your blogs, and your emails here in the next few days or so.

We've had no power for about a week. I'm very fortunate to have a propane generator so it means I have toilet facilities and water, a few lights, a microwave, and hot water in one bathroom--this puts me way ahead of most people out here. I also have limited heat from a wood stove.

I got my phone service back Saturday--this made a big difference. And my Internet came back yesterday so I'm dashing this off to let you know that I have not disappeared, just have been cut off from the world in a blanket of snow, wind, ice, and stormy weather. When propane runs out (soon) I'll finally have to evacuate, but keep hoping that the power comes on before that.

Because of our forested location, we're among the last to get power back. According to our electric company, there are only 53,000 people left and I'm in that group.

We had slight damage: a large tree limb falling on our house, narrowly missing a huge window (the one in my nook) but causing a bit of damage, gutters, trim off, broken railings, etc. And we lost our fence that goes around the property, several trees, and our chicken run collapsed. We are very fortunate because it could have been much worse. There are stories of people whose houses were cut in half by the huge trees that fell in this storm. And we are fortunate because we have insurance which will pay for most of the damage less a big fat deductible.

The things I missed the worst were not the heat nor the hot water nor the stove nor the television. The things I missed were:
(1) You, my community (gosh did I feel alone),
(2) Being able to go outside and walk and move around, and
(3) All of the people that I usually see and interact with every day.

The last one surprised me because I wouldn't have thought that, since I'm so introverted. But you know, my car hasn't been driven in 11 days! I've had a few visitors, thank God, but have been in the house the whole time. LoveHubbie is going to take care of the driveway so that I can get out tomorrow (I have no chains or four wheel drive) and I'm really looking forward to it.

I've missed you and it's good to be back in touch.

Yes

Special thank you to Bobbi Illing who found this at Quan Yin's Facebook Site with the caption: 

"When you realize how perfect everything is you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky."

~Buddha ~♥~

Regarding Criticism and Insults

If you haven't read the comments on my post on enemies from yesterday, please do, and if you'd like, add to the discussion. There is much wisdom there...thank you to every one of you.

Here is something to add to that post.  It is a video from Martha Beck about getting over insults, and it is really provocative. Why do "insults" hurt? What is a helpful model for addressing insults and criticism? Martha answers this in just over two minutes.




What do you think? Wouldn't it be something to take what people say as input, and rather than reacting to it, responding to it internally in a truly appropriate way? This is really clean and healthy, I think.

Enemies

A few nights ago my friend Kristine wrote this. She is becoming a successful artist and has been learning the lessons that increasing good fortune brings and it has not been easy. One key thing she has discovered is that not everyone wants good things to happen to you. This can really be a shocker if the person who is not supportive is someone you love, someone who you thought loved you, someone who actually may love you as much as they can.

It's just a hard fact of life that not everyone wants you to succeed.

I have enemies too. Some of them are so-called "beloved enemies"--people I really love who just can't get excited about the good things I experience because they are so miserable with themselves, miserable with their own lives. It's not personal to me; these folks can't get excited about anyone's happiness. Others are the garden-variety enemies--people who do not like me and who are glad when bad things happen to me, people who think I'm a terrible person and "deserve to get my due" and such. I suppose they really truly qualify as an enemy when they are quite active in trying to have a personal hand in delivering my supposed karma to me. I one of those that I know of--I really hope that's it though.

In the past I think I would try to get everyone to like me no matter what. I would try to prove my character and convince others to get to know who I really was deep inside. Now, I just accept it. I've been through family estrangements, lawsuits, and adversarial divorces, and I know that it's just not possible to control what other people think of you.

I can only think of one person I feel this way about--someone who I would call an enemy--and it's because it's someone who has done so many things to so many people, especially children, that I honestly feel as though it would be justice if something terrible were to befall them, especially if it would stop them from hurting others in the future. When I start to feel this way though, I try to shift my thinking into an acceptance of whatever future God/The Universe has for them, mainly because I don't want to have any kind of hatred, resentment, or bitterness growing inside of me.

From time to time I am a little slow in shifting my thinking...sometimes quite slow...I admit to having dreams of "good triumphing over evil" (as I frame it in my head with my will being the good of course and their will being the evil). When I catch myself doing this, I counter such Justice-According-to-Me fantasies with prayers of blessings sent to them, healing energy, etc. Sometimes. At other times I entertain myself with my stories.

Another area in which I am imperfect.

I read that studies have been done which demonstrate that if you aggressively pray for your enemies on a consistent and lengthy basis, your negative feelings towards them will eventually go away altogether. I would like to say I've tried this, but I never have--just token efforts here and there. Of course, the Bible says this as well, but I don't know any Bible believers who have a regular practice of praying for their enemies, do you? It's not a fun practice and is about as popular today as the practice of fasting.

In fact, I know a "Christian" mother who taught her children that God had enough people doing good for others; she wanted her family to work together to help God deliver His punishments to others. He needs human hands to help out with both, she reasoned, and she had a strong affinity for the latter. So she taught her children this! This is wrong and creepy on so many levels it just boggles the mind.

People can get so mixed up.

I want to loosely quote the Queen of Arts and say that the answer to every question, the answer to every problem is the same--LOVE. Big, big love. Love for everything. Love for our friends, love for our enemies. Love!

So today, I'm going to give a shout out to those who call me their enemy--I send you love! To my estranged family members--I send you love! To my own personal enemy--I send you love! To the very sad lady with her "Punishment for God" practice--I send you love! To the people who just will NOT be happy for Kristine as she blossoms and blesses the world with her art--I send you love!


Love is the answer. Always.

What do you think about this? Do you have enemies?

~Photo by Me of some art I did inspired by the Queen of Arts called "Big Love Is Good Love"

What Has Sprung Free

This post was prompted by what Kelly asked me in a comment, "What has sprung free in you?" She wrote this because I am writing many more posts this year than I have in a great while.

I think it's my word of the year for 2012, "ImperfEction". I am willing to be just as I am. My posts might be poorly written or well written, interesting or not, etc. and I have let go of all of that. I'm willing to just do the best I can.

Also, sometimes when I have read your comments in the past, I've been overwhelmed by the amount of love and support you offer me. At times it is hard to think of an adequate response. Nothing I could write would seem to be enough for what you wrote. I have let go of that. I'll reply imperfectly, but receive what you offer and send love back to the best of my ability.

Something else I've let go of is who my audience is. In the past I've felt uncomfortable with being vulnerable to some of the people who read my blog. I have an upcoming post about them called "Enemies"--something not often written about here or in the blogs I read. My regular community is the most loving and supportive and amazing...so I've decided to just be vulnerable anyway, and let the others do what they do (since they will anyway). I don't want to lose the closeness I value with each of you.

Lastly, I've thought about what I would regret if I were to die or say, if the world ends in 2012 :) I think that this is a useful exercise for anyone to do in order to prioritize their lives and to make good decisions. I would deeply regret holding back from the connections I value so much here.

So in 2012 I decided to GO FOR IT :)

iMPERFECTLY♥

Below is a painting that hangs on my wall in the nook where I work. I purchased it years ago and it's by an unknown artist (I can't read her/his name in the signature). It is a poem called "I Am Enough". I have posted this before, and it's worth posting again here for today:



UPDATE: I found out who created this: the artist's name is Kristen Jongen and her web site is Soul Soup! Her art work is wonderful and so are her books, so glad to finally "find" her!

So Many Posts! Did You Miss Any?

I've been posting so much lately. I wanted to just re-announce that I'm back to blogging at the happyluau for 2012, fast and furious and imPerfectly. Some posts are light and hopefully inspirational with quotes and videos. Others are deeper. I wanted to list them here so far in case you've missed any:

Word for 2012: ImPeRfectIoN
Listening
Radical Acceptance
Why I Changed My Name to Olivia
Word of the Year Box
Doing Art...ImpErFEctLy
One Year Ago Today

I have enjoyed and appreciated your feedback so much, and actually, the whole process of sharing imperFectly this year that I want to continue at this pace, so hold onto your hat. Or not--if you lose it, it's not the end of the world, as you can venture hatless and even disheveled into your day (as I have been known to do)...imPerfectly!

~Photo By Me

One Year Ago Today

Today is my deceased mother's birthday, but that's not why I remember today.

Today is the date that a beloved uncle of mine died, but that's not why I remember today.

Today I am so grateful. One year ago today I got a diagnosis of macular degeneration and thought I was losing my eyesight. I lived with this diagnosis for two months, until March 15th, when I got a second opinion from an expert in macular degeneration and found out I was fine. It ended up that I had several eye problems, but none of them that would cause blindness in the near future. These eye problems perfectly mimicked macular degeneration when seen by a general ophthalmologist who would not have all of the specialized equipment of a specialist.

I can see!

Those of you who are reading this normally can also see, and it is a blessed gift. Today, celebrate with me, and please grateful for the wondrous gift of sight!