Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Regarding Criticism and Insults

If you haven't read the comments on my post on enemies from yesterday, please do, and if you'd like, add to the discussion. There is much wisdom there...thank you to every one of you.

Here is something to add to that post.  It is a video from Martha Beck about getting over insults, and it is really provocative. Why do "insults" hurt? What is a helpful model for addressing insults and criticism? Martha answers this in just over two minutes.

What do you think? Wouldn't it be something to take what people say as input, and rather than reacting to it, responding to it internally in a truly appropriate way? This is really clean and healthy, I think.


kate i said...

Hi Olivia, this is a great video and she said so very well what I was trying to say in my previous comment...that hurt's, insults etc from others, only stick if for some reason, we see or believe that about ourself. I've spent so much time this past year, working on my belief system with EFT for exactly this reason. I'm aiming for the day where rather than "dealing" with my triggers, I'll be saying "what trigger?" Not quite there yet! lol

I love the path you're walking Olivia...very empowering.

laundrygirl said...

I like this video. It reminds me of a situation I was in lately. I found out someone was gossiping about me and what they had to say was totally untrue. One of my friends said, "Aren't you upset? You've got to go and explain - make people hear your side!"
I surprised myself with my response. I said - "The people who know me will know this isn't true so why get swept up in drama when I know this isn't even reflective of who I am. I have other ways to spend my time."

~Karen C.L. Anderson~ said...

Love Martha! I think what happens for many of us is that we're brought up by people who hurt us and so we don't question it!! And that's why so many of us get stuck in the cycle of being attacked and believing it!

CrystalChick said...

Terrific response from Martha! YES! Makes sense. I could certainly do a bit of work with that advice.

Angie D in Ohio said...

Great advice but sometimes hard to follow.

As I have matured this doesn't happen as often as it did when I was younger.

kikipotamus said...

Very well said. I had never heard of this Martha person before.

Olivia said...


Yes, kate, I agree, and she says it so well. This is something that bears repeating I think and in so many ways. I agree that EFT is such a powerful tool in changing underlying and subconscious beliefs and fits right in with what we are talking about.

Thank you for all of the affirmation and encouragement kate.

I can't believe that Martha Beck said so much in just over two minutes.

Peace and love and acceptance, xoO

Olivia said...


Yes, and what you write is so like the Iyanla VanZant video you posted too. We don't need other people's agreement, so why (as you said) jump into the drama and try to force them to understand you. It's one thing when someone comes to you with questions wanting to understand. It's something else entirely when they make whatever comment from a place of judgment and couldn't care less; who knows, they might not even remember what they said.

You make GREAT use of your time, Kristine, not chasing after people who don't understand and trying to get them to. Good for you,

Thanks for this important point...Love and courage and comfort, xoO

Olivia said...

Karen CL,

Can you believe she says so much so succintly?! Yes, indeed, I agree with you wholeheartedly. That hurt is the impetus to inquiry.

When we were children we had to believe it, but now we can question it, what a relief! The challenge is to silence those voices who repeat what we believed as a child and still believe now and aren't even aware of it!!

Peace, relaxation, and invigoration, xoO

Olivia said...


Oh yes, you and me both. It sort of sets out our work for us, doesn't it? I'm sort of eager to try it (duh, "forgot" about it totally since I scheduled this post) and know I'll get the chance.

Warmth and rest and love, xoO

Olivia said...


It is hard to follow, I think, EB. I think so much of the time the harder things are the more valuable things. I wish I would remember this at the time and not take offense or in my case, just automatically react and feel bad about myself.

I'm going to keep working on this, for sure,

Rest, and fun, and good health, xoO

Olivia said...


Martha Beck is a life coach and author. She became famous because of her association with Oprah, but she is amazing all on her own. I have all of her books here :) I think you would like them. I think that you'd especially like Martha's new book: Finding Your Way in a Wild New World. It's my new favorite book:

Peace and joy and love and anticipation, xoO