Sacred Sunday: Peace in the Midst of Chaos

Well, we've had an exciting day today, not the usual Sunday. LoveHubbie lost his iPhone about 4 hours ago, and we found out that it had been found and stolen by a particular thief who is now using it. Normally this would be bad enough considering the identity theft aspect, as LoveHubbie has all of his important personal information on the iPhone, as well as access to all of our banking information and other such things. However, LoveHubbie also has patient information on his iPhone (he is a physician) and thus it is an emergency, the police are involved, etc. There is much urgency and chaos here.

This made today less like a Sabbath, which as you know, I like to practice. I had my own agenda of relaxing things I wanted to do. LoveHubbie is always losing things, so this is frustrating. Earlier in the day he had even lost his keys! However, thanks to many of the new time abundance ideas I've read about in The Power of Slow and the new lifestyle I've created, I do feel fine, other than the slight frustration. Something like this would normally freak me out completely.

So, I had wanted to blog about this exciting new "time abundance" lifestyle, and tell you about my writing, since I'm now actually working on my book on a daily basis, M-F. Really! I am writing! So many changes have led to this and I SO want to share them with you!

I had also wanted to blog about H1N1. And I have yet another post planned on a spectacular apron I won from Jane last week, complete with pictures. Instead I am calming myself and supporting LoveHubbie as he freaks out---completely. We have spent this afternoon at the AT&T Store, retracing everywhere we'd been this morning, and talking to the police, our ISP, our credit card company, etc.

Yet somehow I am calm.

Yay.

So now the story continues. As I am writing this, the police identified the location of the thief and moved in. Only...they went to the house of our very good friends, to whom we had given a previous iPhone, and they attempted to recover that iPhone from them, which was a gift. What a comedy of errors! Fortunately the friends are good friends and understood.

Still calm.

Yay.

The blog posts mentioned above will be coming soon. Stay tuned!

Quiz Update

Wow, the commenters on my last post gave me a lot to think about.

First of all, I didn't realize that I was beating myself up, but I agree that I am. I'm just being too darn hard on myself, instead of gentle, kind and positive. I don't need to make myself wrong about my lifestyle with such vehemence in order to embrace my new way of life.

Secondly, YES, that quiz had a lot of values that I don't share either, not just those of you who read my blog. But you all made me see it; when I took it myself I questioned myself rather than the quiz (a habit I have). In addition to that, the quiz design didn't allow for a "not at all like me" choice, which is a serious flaw and was pretty annoying.

Lastly, I am accepting Christine Hohlbaum's invitation to put up a "Power of Slow" badge of honor from her blog, The Power of Slow! Please see her comment my last post!

Thank you SO much, each person who commented. You always give me so much to think about, and reflect enlightened opinions that inspire me. I've been blessed to attract such amazing readers!

How Efficient Is Your Life?...The Quiz

I took Oprah's quiz about negative and positive energy, which teased me away from work last night, asking, "What Kind of Energy Do You Give Off? Take the Quiz!" So I did. Ouch! The truth hurts. My results, which were more about efficiency, more related to how "clean" your energy is, were as follows:

You scored 30.

26–35 points:
Your life is inefficient and is getting more so. You have a sense that you are treading water rather than getting ahead. Too much is out of your control, and your ability to cope with everyday challenges is only adequate. To begin to feel comfortable, you will have to address negative areas you've been overlooking and change your habits and beliefs in those areas. Look realistically at your inefficient ways, because one or the other—sloppiness, disorganization, procrastination, denial, impulsiveness—is draining your energy. Your available energy for positive growth is limited.

Right. On the money.

With a diagnosis like this, and a prognosis so depressing, I am so glad that I'm addressing this.

Sacred Life Sunday: Guilt-Free Play

As many of you know, I am currently reading the book The Power of Slow: 101 Ways to Save Time in Our 24/7 World" by Christine Hohlbaum. I am also completely revamping my life in order to create time abundance. I should have a strategy and plan in place early in the week; however, I am already implementing changes, since many things take time to accomplish. I will be writing more about this soon.

Tonight I read about how both workaholics and procrastinators have trouble engaging in guilt-free play. This was a huge revelation to me. LoveHubbie is a super workaholic and I could easily see his pattern. Seeing my own was another matter. Underneath the busy, busy gal trying to do things I love and things that are important to me is is The Procrastinator always getting derailed by little, usually diddly, trivial tasks. I clearly see that my "falling" into unwanted yet urgent tasks is a way for me to procrastinate about my passions. I am the same as LoveHubbie in that it is incredibly difficult for me to participate in guilt-free play (although I do admit to engaging in guilty play!)

Insights like these will help me to continue to develop my plan. As I'm reading this book, I'm writing down changes in a notebook. Then I'll synthesize them and implement them. I am so excited about the changes that I've already started.

If you struggle with guilt-free play, maybe you are a workaholic or a procrastinator. Anyone else struggle with this?

Sacred Life Sunday: Treats Not Tricks

Tonight I thought I'd write a bit about some treats I decided to give myself in the last few weeks. Each one is meaningful in its own way and has made a difference in my life.

The first treat I gave myself was a special pen nib. I enjoy writing with fountain pens (I also collect them) but have never bought a special nib, one that I custom-picked and detailed every aspect that I wanted it to have. I've kept journals for years and enjoy handwriting as an art--not calligraphy, exactly---but drawing my words in an intentional way. So this month I got one from a pen specialist and I have enjoyed writing so much more. As part of The Joy Diet by Martha Beck (Next Chapter Book Group) we are encouraged to give ourselves three treats each day, and one of mine every day is sitting and writing in my journal, drawing my letters and enjoying it so much!

The second treat I gave myself was bigger. LoveHubbie and I have been married for almost ten years and as you know we take big vacations to Hawaii on a regular basis. However, we don't do a whole lot else for fun as he especially is a workaholic. The vacations to Hawaii are what we use to recover after five months of his working very intensely at a very demanding job every single day in between. I don't work with him anymore but am still involved in his career, and his pace does affect me. We have never gone away for a romantic weekend even once during this whole ten years, but this year we booked a trip to Leavenworth, WA and it was his idea.

This means so much to me as this getaway will be over Christmas when the holidays are especially hard for us. LoveHubbie is usually depressed and not wanting to celebrate because he misses his children so much--it's more like a mourning time. For those of you who do not know, I have three step-children, but the circumstances of LoveHubbie's divorce were very adversarial and he has had limited success in being able to reestablish relationships with his children, including visits. They are now adults, but the difficulties continue. Lots of drama and it is always sad for him. I don't mind too much, as holidays have never been important at all to me; however, I do feel bad for him, as I know how much he loves his children, and I hate that he grieves while so many other people find Christmas a happy time. "Oh, no, Christmas is coming!" is my normal anticipation for the holiday.

So this year we'll be bound for Leavenworth, which is as close as you can get to Germany in this country. LoveHubbie and I spent time in Germany 34 years ago, and it has a special significance for us. This will be really romantic! I love this treat!

And the biggest treat is something that you might find silly or frivolous. For the Leavenworth trip, I bought myself special blue jeans--premium blue jeans--designer blue jeans. I have never owned a pair of expensive blue jeans. Mostly due to my frugality, but in middle age, mostly because I am a woman of size. I always seem to be wanting to lose weight, so it just doesn't make sense to "invest" in a pair of blue jeans that I will hope to discard as soon as possible with my anticipated plummeting weight loss. It almost says to me that I'm planning to stay big, which would seem like a big defeat.

Well, so then I saw that Oprah show about the Cookie Johnson Jeans. Oprah raved about how they felt like pajamas and how comfortable they were for women with big butts, and how she wore them for a five hour plane ride and I thought---"At last!"---but they only make them up to size 18. Not 18W, but plain old 18. I am not an 18-anything, but bigger. I'm not sure how much bigger as I mostly wear men's pajama pants and XXL stretch pants and don't weigh myself intentionally. And I have size 18 jeans that I don't fit into, not even close. And they cost so much money. So...I bought the Cookie Johnson jeans as an expression of belief in myself that I could fit into them, but even more, that as a woman of size, I deserve to look beautiful. Oooooh, that was hard even to write, but it is a truth that I am learning to embrace.

I know that this might sound like another foolish woman buying clothes too small for her, but it's really not. I already love these jeans--well, not the jeans exactly, but rather, what I had to teach myself in order to buy them.  I am absolutely going to fit into them, and I hope by Christmas, but if not, as soon as my body allows me to. And no matter what, I am enjoying appreciating my larger body as something of beauty instead of what our culture teaches us.

I think that a sacred life involves giving ourselves pleasure and treating ourselves at times. I am just really only now in my fifties learning how to do this. I am learning to be kind and appreciative to myself. I often fall back into judging myself as being self-indulgent, frivolous, selfish, and superficial in that my treats all involve material things in some way, but I'm living with this discomfort in order to try to move beyond it. I'm learning to do new things and to create new patterns, and this can naturally involve discomfort and judgements, so I'm just letting them be. And being grateful for the lessons in my sacred life.

Wellness Wednesday: Time Abundance

Writing what I did yesterday, I know that time abundance is the answer to what I struggle with. I masqueraded as a life coach in a former life, after all! I know that our perspective on time is all between our ears. However, it still is a major challenge for me.

I appreciated the blog series that Patti recommended in the comments. It's a four part series on The Elasticity of Time at Marelisa Online here. This led me to do a search on "time abundance" on Google, where I found this book, called "The Power of Slow: 101 Ways to Save Time in Our 24/7 World" by Christine Hohlbaum. It's a new book that just came out yesterday, and unlike many of the books I've read, it goes beyond the philosophy of time abundance and the whole Slow Movement and into practical and concrete ways of implementing mindfulness and the philosophy of slow. If you want to find out more about the book, look inside it on Amazon. Also, you can visit Christine's blog, The Power of Slow, and follow her on Twitter.

I'd love to hear from you in the comments on any thoughts or ideas or reflections you have on time abundance.

I'm So Greedy

I've had an interesting couple of days here. It is mushroom season in Washington where I live, which means that here in the forest, mushrooms sprout up like you wouldn't believe and people go "shrooming". These people study so that they can correctly identify edible mushrooms, as a mistake can be disasterous. Yesterday someone I trust picked me some chanterelle mushrooms from the side of my driveway and I had them for dinner cooked in butter with a little salt. I cooked them really well. Now normally I wouldn't even try this (LoveHubbie wouldn't even think of it) but this shrooming friend teaches wild food foraging, so I thought I'd take a risk and enjoy the lovely chanterelles. I ate them all in one sitting as the mainstay of my dinner, with just a little chicken on the side. They were SO good. And then (you already know this is coming) I spent today nursing a migraine all day until tonight. The good news is that I'm fine now and didn't get deathly sick or die. But the bad news is that it was one of those "lost" days. Handling the migraine was all I could manage.

Lost days are tough for me because I'm time-greedy. Really really greedy. Like some people are for money. I'm really that bad. I love when other people cancel appointments with me and are grateful that I understand...it is so easy for me to understand, because they've given me a gift. It's like found money, just out of nowhere and I can do whatever I want with it.

I'm not a thief, but I would steal time if I could. I don't know how that would happen, but if I could figure out how I probably would.

I guard my time. I am a generous person in many ways, but not with time. I find it almost impossible to volunteer for things, which I'm ashamed of, but there it is. I admire people who give their time away, because they are truly generous, as time is so precious it can never be replaced, whereas money can be.

I marvel at people who get bored. I cannot relate to this at all. There are so many wonderful things to do, and so little time--in my experience.

I would like to feel "time abundant". It's quite doable for me to feel abundant when it comes to finances, or to health, or with respect to relationships. But time abundance still eludes me.

What do you think about time-greediness? Can you relate?

Back to Blogging II

For those of you who missed it, I had a post yesterday, too, a movie that didn't work at first, but now does. Just scroll down or see it here. Love to all, O

Sacred Life Sunday: Ch-Ch-Changes!

It is really good to be back to blogging and to be hearing from friends again. For a long time I've felt like I've had nothing substantial to say, so I've been quiet here. Mostly, I've been dealing with things that are either dark and/or hard to blog about because they involve other people. My vacation was wonderful and healing, as always, but it didn't leave me able to open up much until and yesterday...for some reason I felt like I was ready to dive in again and share, instead of just reading about all of your lives.

In the three weeks since I've been back from Maui I've made quite a few changes. One has been that I've gone from being a blonde back to my original hair color (dark brown) leaving just some blonde highlights. For some reason I just feel like a brunette now.

Another change is that I have given up drinking. I love-love-love to drink wine, but I have lots of health problems that make giving it up a good thing to do for now. In addition, I've recently returned to a pretty restrictive diet, one that will help my blood sugar levels, which have also become problematic. I've always eaten healthfully and cleanly, so I've chosen to start a "paleo" diet; that along with the temperance have been helpful, although quite a major lifestyle change. I hope I can keep both up.

This latest time I took anti-depressants (it was the second time) I gained about the same amount of weight as before---I'm guessing perhaps 25-40 pounds or so. I don't weight myself (on purpose) so I'm not sure. Thus, I'm grateful to have withdrawn from them totally in Hawaii, and hope to be able to stay healthy without them. I'm excited to be able to finally stop gaining weight and even to have a chance to work to lose the extra pounds.

There are some other changes that I'll write about in subsequent days :)

Back to Blogging

I've long since come back from vacation (three weeks ago) and have finally returned to blogging. I hope you enjoy this 4:07 movie!

Quick Health Note: Take Probiotics With Antibiotics

Now there are good reasons to take probiotics with antibiotics, discussed in this article in The Health Insider. I take probiotics every day, but never with antibiotics, thinking that the antibiotics would kill off all the probiotics. No, they still help, apparently.

Just thought I'd share this little tidbit with you. It's a bit off the beaten path for happyluau, but not for me personally. I have a huge interest in alternative health, am a foodie, have been a raw foodist, and do my best now to follow clean and healthy and enjoyable eating!




~Photos by LoveHubbie Mark

Facebook Privacy

Here is a very useful article for those of you who are on Facebook, but who know little about Facebook privacy. If you aren't on Facebook yet, but are considering being there, check it out as well. I love Facebook---a lot! but it is important to be aware of the risks and precautions to take. If you don't have time to read a whole book or even a book chapter, spend a few minutes reading this.

~Photo by LoveHubbie Mark in Kauai

Wellness Wednesday: An Unusual Birthday Gift

Today is my birthday, and I celebrate today by acknowledging YOU, who have each and all helped make my past year the wonderful year it was! I reread the comments on my last post and felt so affirmed and blessed that each of you is a part of my community.

Today something important happened that I am now celebrating, something that is not traditional birthday fare.

One is that I stood up for myself with someone who does not value who I am. It was very, very hard, but it was one of those situations where I didn't make a decision---something primal just rose up in me that refused to accept being consistently treated in a poor way. It reminded me of a situation years ago with my mother.

My mother was my primary abuser as a child. One day, after 16 years of physical and verbal abuse almost on a daily basis, instead of hiding the bruises, I put on a dress (in those days you wore dresses to school, not pants!) with a lower neckline that showed the bruises where she had tried to strangle me the night before. I even pulled my long brown hair back into a ponytail so that the bruises could not be missed. I didn't decide to do this consciously; it just happened. For years I had hid the marks---for my whole life. I knew that was what you were supposed to do.

My teachers all asked me what had happened and I told them. I told them how she hit me all the time. How she screamed at me. Some days she beat me, as she'd say, "until I draw blood". My mother lost her job as the school truant officer. There were no other consequences, as it was a different time, but she never hit me again.

Back then, no one talked about child abuse. I don't think I had a conception of it as being "abuse". Something in me just finally knew that trying to strangle your daughter was wrong.

It was a very good feeling to stand up for myself. And when my mother died 6 years later, I didn't cry. I still have not cried, nor do I miss her.

So, standing up for myself was the absolute most important thing that I could have done for myself this year on my birthday. The feeling I have is one of sweet safety, holy self-care, the great kindness of the Universe, the incredible feeling of being loved by God and of knowing that His love is immense.

If any of you watched Saving Grace (my favorite television show) last night, the expression on Earl's face as he told Grace how much God loves her---this face, and what Earl said to her---it made such a deep impression that it carried me to a safe place, just as God carried Grace and Neely to safety in the show. It stayed with me through a difficult night. I don't think I will ever forget it.

So despite the unusual circumstances, it is truly a happy birthday for me. I feel those feelings---the feeling of "NO!" and the feeling of safety and love---and I would not exchange them for any other birthday gift at all.

I Wish I Were Patti Digh

Come on now, don't you? Patti is the hands-down heroine of my lovely online community, a well-deserved position. And it's her birthday today, too, so I thought I'd admit my secret longing.

I know it's not cool to compare yourself to other people, but I'm not cool, and I do it, even though I know how silly it is. I'd love to write like Lori-Lyn, or have the energy of Jessie or Jane. I'd love to be as smart and brave and well-loved as Kelly or as wise and profound as Chani. I long for the groundedness of Patti. I want the multiple successes of Heather. The ability to be the best friend in the world like Rick. The productivity and perseverance of Kate. The positivity of Carmen. The realness of Suzi. The raw talent and beautiful blog posting ability of Kim. I could go on but I won't.

Instead, I'm me. I am definitely not cool, am rarely funny, only occasionally witty, and just from time to time have profound things to say. Today it's enough, though, and I'm really happy just being Olivia. I admire my wonderful friends, all of you, and feel so blessed to have you in my life.

During this dark time, I wrote 37 ways I feel like a failure and then reframed them all. This was a very helpful exercise as these things were there, you know, even though I wouldn't admit to believing them--they were there. After having completed this exercise and purging those "forbidden" thoughts, I do feel much better. I also think that everyone feels this way from time to time.

I have had nothing whatsoever to say to anyone here on this blog, on Twitter, or in my real life. Nothing. Not even in my journal. Then this morning I got an email from a friend that was very real and admitted some struggles...something about it's realness and vulnerability helped me to crack open my thinking and writing block.

You know, in our community we write when we can uplift and encourage, or say something of "value", but less often or not at all when we are down. I think we feel some pressure, or at least I feel some pressure, okay, to deliver something of value or inspiration to those who read our blogs. I know that at times (like when I was a life coach) I felt a great obligation to deliver positivity and to role model for my clients.

I think I have gotten over this, in that now (after weeks of depletion, depression, and isolation) I would rather be real even in this despairing time. Some bloggers I know have done this well, like Suzi and Angela and Jane. I would rather have the courage and authenticity to cover the dark side of my life as well, as they do. I think they are brave.

I think that sometimes we are not authentic because we are afraid we will look weak or not be loved. At least this is why I withdraw from this, one of the best places of my life with the safest people I know.

Also, it is easy for me to write about things that are commonly held values, but harder for me to write about things that are not. For example, I would feel comfortable writing about fantastic drumming at church, but not about amazing worship at church. It's very silly, considering the safety of this community, and it has astounded me how I am still such a slave to social conformity and social approval.

It reminds me of the time years ago when LoveHubbie and I were fundamentalist Christians. I was afraid to let my friends know that I loved labyrinths and drank wine, and that LoveHubbie secretly listened to NPR in his car. We'd never let anyone know that we did such things. We have blamed this on "the fundies" as we later called scornfully called them, but in reality it was our own desperate need for social approval fueling our desire to conform.

It is easier here to write about nature, our art, mindfulness and acceptance, celebrations and family, and harder to write about things like hunting, failure, neediness and wanting to be stroked, admiring Sarah Palin, bankruptcy, black moods, Jesus, mental illness, suicidal feelings, and cancer. I'll be mysterious here and admit to some but not all of these things.

The older I get, the more I want to be authentic. I hope that I am finding a good, sturdy and enduring way out of my dark cloud. Today is a good day. I got out of bed and am having a Sacred Sunday and a true day too. I am at last able to connect in some way with all of you. I am totally fine--totally fantastic, actually--being me, and even fine wanting to be Patti Digh. I am able to see and taste of some of the sweetness of life.

And thank you, my good friend, for opening up a little more to me, and for provoking me to open up more myself.

I'm Still Here

I am still here on the planet, just struggling a bit lately with depression. I extended my staycation, and am still staycating.

I saw this on Ken Robert's blog, Mildly Creative, and had to share it with you:

World Science Festival 2009: Bobby McFerrin Demonstrates the Power of the Pentatonic Scale from World Science Festival on Vimeo.