Wednesday, August 13, 2008

BE BRAVE: Post 14: Wellness Wednesday: My Friends Held Me Up


Thank you, my wonderful friends.
Thank you to each one of you who were in my corner.
Who sent your thoughts, prayers, love, light, and support my way,
Who counseled me to trust the process.
Who told me to say "I'm safe in the arms of love" and to envision myself wrapped and held in angel wings...Yes, I met my angels!
Who told me to breathe.
Who were thinking of me these last days,
Who told me they hoped I was alright and would see some good days soon,
That all things would pass,
To batten down the hatches, tie myself to the wheel, and ride it out.
That surrender was the only way.
Who told me I was strong, and I could do it,
To hang in there and swim through.
Who sent puppy kisses, buckets of love, and hugs,
Who told me I'd come through this stronger than ever,
And to focus on the next five minutes.
To hang in there.
To continue to be brave.

I appreciate you all. I haven't been reading your blogs, but will be soon. Instead, I was hunkering down in and drawing strength via your comments, prayer---I now have a vibrant prayer life, which is a first---and I even stepped out and called two of you, which for me is a BE BRAVE step, but one that yielded great fruit for me.

I wish I could tell you what happened, but I know you will understand since it involves others, not just me, but me too in a big way. It comes off as being mysterious, and I'm sorry about that. I could have ignored it and tried to blog around it, but it is my life right now, everything is changing, I'm in the middle of BE BRAVE, and besides, I needed you. I have been in the Land of Surrender where I have been stepping slowly and taking good care of myself so that I can be clear-headed and calm to make decisions.

It's Wellness Wednesday, and I am well.

As many of you know, during trauma and grief it is sometimes weird to do "normal" things. Today was the first day I had lots of time for "normal" things. It was the first day I didn't feel like I was putting on a huge acting show using all my strength and will when I needed to pretend as though everything was fine (like with the pest man and the post office clerk). It still feels a little odd to do normal things, but it's getting easier.

I am grateful that I was in the middle of BE BRAVE for this. And that I have some bravery muscles and bravery skills. Gosh, this process prepares you for life! I'm not going to even attempt to detail BE BRAVE actions as they were innumerable and consistent, plus I don't want to relive the last five days for anything.

I was even more grateful to feel the support of you all behind me, telling me that I could absolutely do this.

I met angels, indeed. And I found family, real family (which I have no experience with in real life)---as in people who are there for you and would give you the shirt off their back---in unexpected places.

This will be a part of my life for at least several months, so I may refer to it. It is a great relief to have a place to continue to share my feelings and experiences and ideas and life lessons in an authentic way, even if I can't "lay it all on you" :) Thank you for being there.

Much love,

O

~Picture by LoveHubbie Mark

10 comments:

Rick Hamrick said...

It's great to hear you are moving through the initial trauma, Olivia, and facing the fact that the consequences or denouement of this may last for months. Now that you have gotten past the first part, you know you can continue on.

Mostly, it's a relief to hear that you are okay. Not 100% where you would like to be, but okay.

I'm sure I'm only the first of many who will express similar feelings!

GreenishLady said...

Yes, I'm also one of the many glad to know you're pulling through this time. You're drawing on so much strength you've built up over your other struggles, and I'm really glad you're staying here and saying how you are. Bless you for your courage.

thailandchani said...

I think you've moved well past "BE brave." You ARE brave. And your compassion is stunning. You're evolving... evolved... and I have complete faith that you will come through all of it with even more compassion, more softness, more growth.

As for the prayer life, awesome! All cultures and all religions have some form of prayer. It's natural for us to want to talk with "what's out there". Perhaps one day when you're up to it, you'll write a post about prayer?

KTF

(Keep the faith)

~*

Jane said...

O,

Beautiful post. I'll keep sending you light and prayer. Here's something I'd like to share with you. A while ago, when I was having a really tough time with a period of my life, I got a small photo album style book which sits on the table next to my prayer chair. In that book, I've collected (printed out) comments from fellow bloggers who supported me in unbelievable ways with their gorgeous words. Even now, I still add to the book and read through it to remind me of the amazing people that are out there in the world who support me even though they've never met me in person. The power of healing is even greater when you realize the kindness of strangers and how every word is a gift.

Kate I said...

Olivia, I'm so glad that you met your angels and were comforted as you were held in love. This has helped me so many times.

You might also be interested in listening to an interview with Byron Katie on Oprah's soul series,(on Oprah's website) Byron Katie also has a book called "Loving What Is" and she explains the process in this interview. It's about questioning and turning around our perceptions in order to release painful thoughts and it really does work.

I was so glad to hear that you're slowly making your way through this difficult time while knowing that you have support on many levels. Sending you much love and big hugs.

kikipotamus said...

I am just blown away by your courage. For me the absolute hardest thing on earth is to ask for help. I don't call friends when I need someone to talk to, don't say, "just sit with me." I hope the next time I need that, I will look back on how you handled this and you'll be my role model...and I'll find the courage.

Patti said...

The love and kindness of strangers is very powerful and sometimes strangers can give you perspective and strength, when loved ones and friends can't.

I actually hugged and was hugged back by a stranger in the supermarket today - it's a long story, but she offered me love and support at a moment when I truly needed it. I will not forget her in a hurry.

And I send you my hugs today. You are stronger than you think you are and we are all here to remind you of that.

Keep those prayers happening, I am stunned by how often they work for me and incorporate them into my Yoga practice every day.

I send love & support to you as always
X
Patti

CrystalChick said...

There's no need to tell everyone everything.
You put out love on your page here and it comes back to you from different people in different ways as you need it whether there are details or not. It's just nice to know that while there are many who can't give anything in person, a blog hug sure does feel good too!
You ARE full of grace and bravery.
Glad you are continuing on with your wellness. :)

mermaid musings said...

Thinking of you and praying for strength, love, and courage be your companions

Leah said...

olivia, i'm just catching up with your blog and i'm sorry to hear that you're going through something difficult. i'm here for you if you need anything. sending loads of love your way! xoxoxo