I am so grateful that I had a chance to have my relationship with my husband's father, who was truly a father to me. I had always wanted a close relationship with my biological father, but had never had one. When I married my husband, I got to have that fatherly-type relationship with his father. He taught me so much in seven short years. I felt like I got to see what other people were talking about when they would discuss their fathers--I got to experience what I'd missed and what every child (and adult) really wants deep down inside. This relationship also changed for me what I thought about God's love (since it had always been characterized to me as "fatherly" I was clueless) and opened up my spirituality to being something very positive and nurturing.
So even though he has passed, I think of him so fondly and with gratitude on Father's Day. Although I deeply miss him, I enjoy celebrating Father's Day so much now, as I have the beautiful memories that I continue to cherish!
So here is the post:
THE SECOND MOST IMPORTANT MAN IN MY LIFE
MARCH 14, 2007
Happy Father's Day to all you dads out there! Today I am missing my dad, the first Father's Day without him (he died a few months ago), but he's with us in spirit---We Love You, Dad!
And a Happy Father's Day to Hubbie, who will get to be with our daughter this Father's Day. All of our children are adults, but rarely get to see their dad, so it is very special for us both.
I also felt moved to wish my estranged bio-dad a Happy Father's Day and to tell him I love him, which I do. I emailed him since I don't have his phone number. I doubt I'll hear back, but it felt good to do. I hope that all of you fathers and all of you who have fathers have a wonderful time celebrating, even if it is just in extending peaceful and loving thoughts.
Aloha,
Olivia
15 comments:
Happy Father's Day to the wonderful men out there who make their children feel appreciated and loved.
Happy Sunday to your beautiful heart, Olivia !
Yes, thank you Kim! I am remembering your father as well; I can see his picture since you've posted it so many times. I know that he was so special to you, and definitely made you feel appreciated and loved. You pass on his heritage in so many ways, and especially your Big Love on your blog and as the Rock Fairy! Thank you for sharing him with us! xoO
I have happy memories of my Dad too O. Lovely that you had the opportunity to have such a good relationship with a fatherly figure.
I'm so glad, Patti. I would have guessed that. I do believe that I am extremely blessed! xoO
What a blessing for you Olivia, that you had the experience of a loving dad, even if it was later in life!
There are so many "wounded" fathers who themselves were not shown love and don't know how to express it to others. As you know, my dad is 96 and was brought up in a very different time and culture. When he was a child, boys were scolded for expressing their feelings. It was his grandchildren who taught him to hug and although he's quite comfortable with that now, he still has trouble expressing his feelings with words...but funnily enough, the words no longer seem necessary to me. I know that there's immense love there (and always has been) and that's enough.
It's good to hear from you here Olivia and I do hope you're making some progress towards healing your feet. ((hugs))
This is a lovely post. I especially like that photo of your LoveHubbie. I had a good dad who died when I was almost six, and then I had a step-father who was a covert aggressive. He is probably a big part of why I now live over a thousand miles away from my hometown and across an international border! So your post about finding a surrogate dad in your father-in-law was very touching to me.
hi Olivia, it is a beautiful post, I am so glad I can comment again. I have missed staying in touch. I hope you are feeling well, have been thinkinf id you often. hugs.
kate, you make a great point about wounded fathers. I think that for certain my bio-dad was one of these. In addition, he served in the Vietnam war overseas twice.
But I think that the hardest thing is that when he did express his feelings, what they were were hard for me to accept. For example, at one point I was so tired of trying and trying to have a good relationship with him and feeling rejected. When my mother died she begged me to "hold the family together" and so I felt a responsibility to do that no matter what.
I eventually decided that since I'd given it two decades which I thought my mother would appreciate, I'd ask my father what he would LIKE with me, as far as contact and closeness would go--phone call frequency, visits, etc. He replied that he would like for us to exchange cards once or maybe twice a year on Christmas and perhaps birthdays. That showed me that I needed to stop trying for something that was unwanted--which would be anything more than that.
Later when I married LoveHubbie I tried to reconnect with my father and brother and sister. LoveHubbie is extremely family-oriented. It seemed to work for a while, but shortly they began to be increasingly critical and negative--this time not only to me, but to my husband as well. He decided that although he'd thought at first it was a good decision to get back in contact, he'd been wrong; interestingly, LoveHubbie rarely thinks he's wrong!
I think that I am so different than my other family members that they will always see me in a negative way. It makes me sad. They attribute many negative characteristics to me that I don't think I'll ever overcome, probably more so now than ever. The last contacts I'd had with them were from them criticizing the kind of Christian I was (not good enough)--now they would see me as worthy of being burned at the stake, I'm imagining, as my beliefs are so unconventional.
But I do think that they are very happy now, with me out of the picture. And I am really grateful for the wonderful people who have come my way whom I consider family. And I am also grateful for the lessons I have learned from my bio-family--most of them tough lessons--but good for me nevertheless.
A long, long answer, kate, but your comment got me thinking....thank you for it! xoO
Kelly, I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I understand so well the need for physical distance sometimes. I know that it is very helpful for me as well. There should be some kind of holiday to celebrate Surrogate Relatives, shouldn't there? xoO
Oh, Cinner, I'm glad you're back. It's good to see you here. I wish the same for you--that you're feeling well. I've been having lots of trouble walking and with my foot but my spirits are good lately. Thank you for commenting, and I'll be visiting you on your blog, xoO
Olivia--Hope you are feeling better with your foot and that they've found out what the problem is so that they can treat it... Feet are like backs, in that when they hurt you are miserable...
This is such a wonderful Father's Day post. We just lost my dad this past December--he'd been living with us for the past two years, and it was hard to not have him here with us. I could write a whole bunch about what a great dad he was--I do just miss him so much. Richard's dad was also very special to me--I found out after we'd been married for six or seven years that he normally didn't get up at the crack of dawn, just when we were there because I was an early riser! He always had something good to talk about ie "I read something in the New York Times that said ... What do you think of that?" And Richard's a great dad, so I've been very blessed...
I'm trying to get back in the swing of blogging, would love to hear from you!
Came back to check the email follow up comments box, since you answer with a comment!
HI, Karen,
So good to hear from you! I am so sorry to hear about your father's passing. I think it must have been so special to have been able to live with him during his last two years...what a gift that was! And to have had a special father-in-law as well...and of course, husband...such thoughtful caring, men.
I have the two pictures of yours here in my nook, Karen, and love them so. I also have stubbornly kept my blog header that you made because I love it so much. Thank you for leaving the comment and for checking back with me...I've been blogging sporadically lately...
My foot is gradually getting better, which is such a relief. I am grateful for any improvement.
Much love,
Olivia
Olivia--
Apparently I do not have an email address for you, but came by to check how your were doing and see you haven't posted again.
Hope all is well with you and LoveHubbie!
If you want to email me, I'm karendippity (at) gmail (dot) com
Just popping over to see if there was a new post. Miss you.
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