Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Chani

Hey, everyone, I've been slow to return to blogging after my vacation.

I have some hard news today. My BFF, Chani from Finding My Way Home passed away while I was on vacation. At first (actually until today) I'd thought that she'd just cut off contact with me, mainly because this very thing had happened to me before with friendships with women. I'd felt intense rejection from not being able to get hold of her--I assumed she was ignoring me and had rejected me for some unknown reason--for exactly one month today. I'd talked to her for seven hours during the first two weeks of my vacation---then nothing. I personalized it and felt sorry for myself. It turns out it was just a drama created completely in my head. I could not---would not---conceive that something terrible had happened to her. It had.

It ended up that Chani passed away about three weeks ago, at a crescendo in her life, a BE BRAVE time, right before she moved and started a whole new phase of her life. She died suddenly and unexpectedly.

Chani was better than a BFF, really. She was right beside me at the biggest crisis of my life, 16 months ago, and ever since. She was in many ways my North Star, probably too important to me. I loved her so much.

My biggest regret is that I never told Chani what she meant to me. I hope she knew.

My message to you is that if there is anyone who is important to you, anyone whom you love, LET THEM KNOW. Don't wait. Chani was a good friend. There was no one like Chani, and there will never again be anyone like her.  This is true for everyone you love. Tell them how you feel. Love them today. It may be their last day ever.

So I'm back to blogging, for a sad but important reason.

22 comments:

patti said...

Oh Olivia, I am so sorry!

I always enjoyed reading Chani's comments here on your blog and will miss her too.

I am sure she DID know just how much you loved her. Love is like that.

So, I am sending you my love, just so you know :) I have missed you here. Take care O.

Patti
xx

Olivia said...

Thanks, Patti. Chani will be SO missed by so many. Thank you for your comment about her love. And thank you for your love. As you know, I've been lurking on your blog looking at your beautiful art. xo, O

Kim Mailhot said...

I am so sorry for the loss of your darling BFF, Olivia. This must be so very hard for you. As Patti said, I am sure that Chani knew how much she meant to you. I also believe it is not too late for you to say it out loud and strong to her spirit which I am sure is all around you right now. Perhaps that will bring you some extra peace as you mourn her loss.
I send you big loving hugs and will hold you in my prayers. Take good care of you.
Love Kim

Lori-Lyn said...

Oh, I am so sorry to hear this. She will be missed. All my love to you.

Angela said...

What a beautiful post, Olivia. I, too, posted about Chani. I'm thinking of you today, of all of us. May you find peace through your grief and happiness in your heart for the real friendship you and Chani found with each other.

Olivia said...

Thank you Kim, Lori-Lyn, and Angela. I appreciate your comforting words. Love, O

laundrygirl said...

I read this and got a pit in my stomach. I am so sorry for your loss! It's amazing how one life can affect many. As sad as this is, I am glad you had the brief time you two did to become friends and to share your journeys together. Peace be with you, and she as well.

Olivia said...

Thanks, Kristine. Interestingly, Chani thought that relatively few people cared about her, yet there are so many people whose lives she touched, and deeply. Blessings and love, O

groovysabrina said...

Sending my sympathies, Olivia. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I agree with Patti in that Chani knew you loved her very much.

Kate said...

Oh Olivia,

I am so sorry to hear this. I remember many of her comments too. I am sure she knew what she meant to you. So important to tell those we love that we do.

kikipotamus said...

Olivia, I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for coming back to blogging to let us know.

Olivia said...

Thank you so much, Sabrina and Kate and Kelly. And yes, Kelly, it's a sad reason to come back but I felt so much grief and didn't know what to do with it. There is no memorial service for her, so it is very sad. Thank you all so much. Peace and love, O

kate i said...

I'm so very sorry about Chani's passing and your loss of such a dear friend. Chani surely knows what she meant to you and in fact she's probably near you right now, wanting nothing more than for you to believe that.

Sending big hugs and blessings of comfort dear Olivia.

Olivia said...

Thank you, Kate. Gosh, I miss her. xo, O

Leah said...

Olivia, I'm so, so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. I'm sure Chani knew just how much she meant to you.

Sending loads of love and hugs your way. xoxo

Olivia said...

Thanks, Leah. So much, O

Nicci said...

Thinking of you and Chani.

Olivia said...

Thank you, Nicci, very much.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Olivia,

Although you and I have never met or even interacted on the internet, Chani and I were very good friends, too, spoke often and lengthily, and emailed each other constantly to share insights and details of our lives.

So I know that you meant the world to Chani. She often told me how deeply touched she was by your generosity and kindness, your constant attempts to be your best self. She may not have told you these things directly, but she did know your heart and she loved you dearly. We will both miss her so very much for a very long time to come.

I agree that we should all tell our loved ones how we feel about them often because we never know how much time we will be given. Take good care of yourself.

Susan

Olivia said...

Thank you so much for sharing this, Susan. Of course I remember all of your comments on Chani's blog. She spoke of you likewise and of your correspondence and how faithful a friend you were. You are right, we will both miss her so much, probably forever.

Thank you, Susan, again, and my condolences to you as well. Peace and love, O

Jane said...

I'm so sorry to hear this Olivia. I had the honor of enjoying some of her comments from time to time over at my blog. She was such a positive and encouraging woman; you could feel it through the power of her wisdom and words. I only wish I had known her even better. She will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Olivia said...

Thank you, Jane. I'm glad you had the chance to know her. Love, O