Wellness Wednesday: Being With Each Flower, What is More Important?

Today I read something beautiful on Kelly's blog that caused me to think, to really reevaluate and reframe something in my life. Kelly wrote that she was grateful for:

“Being wrapped all day in the kind of energy that made people open to me like flowers in the rain.” 

What a lovely thing to be, what a lovely gift to give people--this kind of energy that makes people feel comfortable enough to share themselves with you.

All of my life, I have struggled with this gift. It is a gift from God, nothing that I've cultivated or would even know how to develop. On the one hand I have enjoyed this closeness with others, delighted in it, reveled in it, when it has been with someone with whom I've wanted to be intimate. On the other hand, sometimes it is time-consuming or awkward or (to my embarrassment) even irritating when I am in a hurry and someone I barely know opens up to me and share deeply personal "stories of their lives", their deep feelings.

This gift is what led me to go to graduate school to become a counselor. I never finished, though, instead leaving school without doing a practicum and finishing my masters in another field, because I found it too draining to relate to people on that level all day long. I am very introverted, and although I care deeply for others, I need a great deal of time alone to process and recharge in order to be able to interact at that level. I also am not a particularly patient person, not a good thing for a counselor.

Lately over the last several years as I've experienced time as being scarce much of the time, it has been harder and harder to be welcoming when some people open up. People I meet casually, chance encounters that won't be repeated, people that I'd not choose to be intimate with. I usually still do listen and witness their story (trying to be "nice"), but find myself thinking thoughts like, "I can't believe this is happening to me again..." and "They're going to share their whole life story with me now right when I'm on my way to..." Complaining thoughts, I've realized. From the resentment I feel. This is not who I want to be.

In pondering Kelly's post, I've realized that deep down inside, I believe--I know--that every single person is indeed a flower, and that one of the most important things I can do each and every day is to witness their opening. To be present with everyone I meet. If they feel safe with me (and they are safe), then this is a bold, brave gift that I'm being given, and I want to recognize it as such. I need to slow down and stay in touch with what I truly value rather than be distracted by the urgency of comparatively petty tasks.

I always learn so much from Kelly, and this was a special lesson, one I really needed today.


~Photograph by LoveHubbie Mark

Sacred Sunday Renewal

Today was Monday, but I'm getting back into the groove of a schedule and didn't want to miss the sacredness of the day. I'm enjoying my solitude so very much. Today I spent much of the day reading and writing in a coffee shop, but since I was with "my people"---other readers and writers for the most part, and no one interrupted me, I felt as replenished as if I'd been alone.

There has been a lively discussion going with respect to Creating a Complaint-Free World. Both Rick and Kelly have terrific posts about it.

I decided to take a vacation from being Complaint Free, not because I want to gossip, whine, complain and criticize, but because I want to focus on just one thing spiritually right now: being present and breathing---that's all. In addition, I have some conflicting feelings about my needs to set boundaries and to express some of my darker emotions, like frustration, irritation, and anger. I've discovered that I've used the Complaint Free Challenge to squelch those darker emotions instead of to express them in positive ways. I expect to go back after I explore this area of my life some more. So far, I haven't made it a whole day yet with GWCC, but I've been defining GWCC rather strictly and I think, erroneously. I want to take a break and regroup, and then come back with a more healthy approach.

Here is a video that is me saying hello and then a meditation on a candle and an amaryllis that has bloomed in my reading nook with what will eventually be seven blooms. It is only 59 seconds long :)

Winter Squash, Phat Girlz, The Now Habit & More

I've found myself still recovering from the holiday malaise. Today is the first day I've really felt like myself---with ideas, feelings of creativity, inspiration, etc.---waking up at 4am this morning ready to begin the day. I've sort of felt like a winter squash before this. I don't know how else to explain it. Here in the Pacific Northwest it's been raining every day for countless days on end. And it's been cold, too. This all contributed to my holiday malaise and lethargy, lingering and melding with feelings of depression and SAD (seasonal affective disorder).

I felt a little better on Saturday, perky enough to shop for food all over the South Sound, from Costco to Trader Joe's to our local supermarket. When you can eat anything you want (with TWL) it really helps to have a selection of good things to eat! Then yesterday, I vlogged at last (and although my vlog seemed tired and strained to me---at least I did it). I missed communicating with all of you. Also yesterday, LoveHubbie returned from a trip with Lovely Stepdaughter. I find myself coming out of my reading and arting shell of hibernation and retreat, to my delight.

I've been loving TWL (Transformational Weight Loss)...however, it is quite a challenge to learn self-acceptance at a much higher weight than I'm used to. It's good for me, though, and all a part of this process. Last night I watched the movie Phat Girlz, which is a manifesto for plus-sized women and ambitiously portrays the struggle we larger women go through for self-acceptance in our American culture that tolerates and even encourages prejudice based on size. I wish I could convey in words the usefulness and the beneficial difficulty of this TWL journey. I keep trying to remember to breathe...just breathe...just breathe.... For some reason, lately I keep forgetting, and get spun up into the drama and form of the day's events...I hope to be more grounded. I'm blaming it on my hormones for now...because it's a convenient way of avoiding responsibility, I suppose...the mature woman's PMS.

This weekend I read a book recommended by someone here (I can't remember who) called "The Now Habit: A Strategic Program for Overcoming Procrastination and Enjoying Guilt-Free Play" by Neil Fiore, which I SO needed. I haven't been a procrastinator in the past, but since NaNoWriMo's success, I've been procrastinating with my novel...all December long, which didn't help the holiday malaise much. This book gave me a useful strategy for beginning to write again and for overcoming my fears. It is useful for dealing with resistance and for bringing joy back into tasks that have become onerous. I'm most excited about this for the new year!

This week I expect to be filled with pattern-breaking fun of spending time with Lovely Stepdaughter and with LoveHubbie coming home from work early---a great combination.



Today I'm grateful for the ordinariness of my life. I so much prefer this to the chaos and drama that I seemed to attract so much in the past. Today I am wishing those of you dealing with difficult and turbulent challenges peace and the hope of an ordinary and mundane and peaceful and happy extraordinary life---soon. Blessings to each one of you today, and ordinary miracles!

Happy New Year 2008

Friday Update

For any of you who are interested in my journeys with Transformational Weight Loss (explained here and here with the book here and here) or GWCC (explained here and here with bracelet instructions here), here's an update that is 3:53 long:



UPDATE: Please forgive the blurry video quality. This will be corrected on all subsequent videos. Thank you Rick!


~Picture by LoveHubbie Mark

A Blog Hijacking

Every love affair has some bumps and I experienced one in my relationship with Amazon today. Thanks to Rick's sharp eye, I discovered that my blog was linked throughout with popup windows and links to various Amazon books, some of which were books I'd never recommend. The one Rick saw was to a diet book from an disreputable author, and my last two posts have been non-diet posts--advocating an approach to eating that doesn't involve any external authority telling you what to eat. This was very disconcerting to me.

I felt like my blog had been hijacked by an Amazon bot or troll. Amazon apparently combs your blog content and then links to books they select. To my dismay, my content was rife with link after link to books I'd never heard of. Selected by a robot.

So I terminated my Amazon Associates agreement, a process that took hours (but that's another story) which means that you'll never see commercial messages from Amazon again on my blog. I still love Amazon, and will still link to books or other items I recommend, but every link you see will be from me and not Amazon (which was the way I thought it was, anyway). And of course, I'll get no referral fee, but I don't care. It's not worth losing the integrity of my blog over this.

Be careful, folks. Read the fine print of your agreements! Don't learn the hard way like me...you know those things that say "I Accept" and then you never read them? Read them!

I also got rid of my BlogRush link as well, since that wasn't commercial, but was bringing in BlogRush content to boost my blog traffic. I want my blog to stay clean and personal. Even if it's small. I'd choose that over robot-selected links any day. The only link I kept was to Energy Muse jewelry, because it's a small company whose products I've loved for years and believe in one hundred percent...I want you to have that link. And the ad is so peaceful; I love to watch it change! :)

Anyway, I'm not sure how long this has been going on, but I apologize for it. And a big thanks again to Rick!



GWCC-UPDATE: Surprise! It's a new day one for me :) The longest I've ever gone was 22:45. I'm not giving up...

Check-In: Complaint-Free...Does It Matter?

The first video is just over 3 minutes:




The second video is 2:35:



UPDATE: Today I made it 22 hours again. I'm a-keepin' on!

This post is about the Complaint-Free Challenge, otherwise known as GWCC. If you'd like to find out more about creating a Complaint Free World, see my earlier post here. If you don't know how the complaint free bracelet works, find out how here.

Complaint-Free Check-In

I'm still on Day 1, but aware more of my speech. The longest I've gone so far is about 3 hours awake, and 8 hours asleep. The rewards of this challenge are rich, however, even with results like this. Being complaint-free is a spiritual foundation; it's like the soil that many other spiritual practices and blessings are based upon. I only curse now maybe 5-6 times per day, almost always at myself. I'm getting kinder and more compassionate to me insides as well.

So, in this Thanksgiving post, I'm grateful for the Complaint-Free Challenge, otherwise known as GWCC. If you'd like to find out more about creating a Complaint Free World, see my earlier post here. If you don't know how the complaint free bracelet works, find out how here.

~Picture by LoveHubbie Mark (of a painting in a Hawaiian vacation condo rental)

Somewhat Lame Update

This is a Somewhat Lame Update of me being really tired and written out today. The video is two minutes long. It is a NaNoWriMo update (although I forgot to say that's what it was and just start talking about word counts) and a Complaint Free update. If you are new to this blog, this is me when I'm silly and tired. I was inspired by so many of you who are faithful to making videos when you're not at your absolute best, and decided it was time for another installment of OTV (Olivia TV) anyway :)

I Will Not Whine

~Picture of plaque on our office wall taken by LoveHubbie Mark

Wellness Wednesday: Deprivation

Sacred Sunday on Monday

I missed Sacred Sunday yesterday, so I decided to have it today. I desperately needed a sacred sabbath, a time of reflection, a time to slow the pace and just be.

I have been participating in NaNoWriMo, the writing project in which participants create a first draft of a novel in 30 days. We are currently on Day 12. To write 1,667 words in a day that fits into the structure of a novel is a challenge. To do it day after day after day after day is a phenomenal challenge. I have been keeping up, but after this weekend, the strain of keeping up each day became overwhelming and I finally gave myself permission today to take a day off. Sacred Sunday came and Sacred Sunday went, and I did what I do every day---write, write, write, write, write. I truly enjoy it, but I'm realizing that as part of my process I must build in breaks, time off, stress relief.



In addition, LoveHubbie was home all weekend. He normally works seven days a week, so it was a pattern break for both of us to have him home. And a monster challenge to keep up with my words each day. I felt like all weekend long I fought for writing time, fought to stay with my novel, while at the same time bearing with interruptions and still taking care of LoveHubbie, as well as planning in some LoveHubbie types of fun since things so seldom work out that he has time off. I woke up this morning tired and barren, my creative well bone dry. I knew that I had nothing to write from today and needed to feed my soul.

Thus today so far has involved doing some collage, getting caught up on the computer with you all--my supportive community, and eating a meal slowly. It will soon involve reading spiritual books and a quiet time and some exercise. All of these activities done slowly and without time pressure help me to pull myself together, and to feel like I have something in place to write from.



I clearly would be better off building this into my writing process. I will be exploring ways of doing this. I don't have any clear ideas. I can't imagine how people with children and full time jobs manage NaNoWriMo, and admire them for even attempting it!

In my writing process, I wake up each day (seven days a week) and begin writing right away. I enter at least 1667 words into my AlphaSmart Neo (named Kaiolohia), usually more, so that I can get to a good stopping place. Then I upload the words from Kaiolohia to a Word file and print it out. I edit it, and expand upon sections where I can. Then I print out a final copy and fit it into my existing manuscript. I have just over 30,000 words, which is something like 90 pages or so. I totally love doing this.

I know now that I'll continue doing this after NaNoWriMo, just not so intensely. Maybe I'll limit myself to two hours a day. Or just mornings M-F. But right now is the learning time, when I'm figuring out how I work and what I need in all of this. NaNoWriMo's founder, Chris Baty, has said to never take off more than one day in a row. I'm finding that I need to listen to my body and my creative spirit, since I tend to lean the other way, towards overdoing.



I've been thinking about perfectionism, too. I've been delaying perfectionism with this book, knowing that I'll have a chance to work towards a better draft later. It makes for a much more productive day. I love working with the AlphaSmart Neo, and want to keep this up. It is too hard to go back and make everything "just so" when you have a screen size a little larger than a calculator. I hope to always use it for writing.

I read at some point over the last week about "positive perfectionism" and "negative perfectionism". Negative perfectionism is trying to be perfect because we need approval, especially our own approval, and can't be without it. It feels like a burden. Positive perfectionism is continually improving and learning in the interests of mastery, and is joy-filled. I like this distinction. I am learning how to discriminate between the two.

The best thing about NaNoWriMo so far is that it has taught me that I love to write. This has been the greatest NaNoWriMo gift, although there are many after just 12 days!

I want to finish my first draft this month. The draft has to have the plot structure included--the beginning, middle and end. I plan to expand on it for three more months; it should double in length. And then take it to Hawaii in March and add special details to it while I'm there (my novel takes place in part in Hawaii). I think I can finish up in the spring. This is my work, and my joy!



To fully enjoy my work, I have to take at least a weekly sabbath, and I have to do more with my life than just write. I need time to renew and time to exercise, time to think and create. I don't mind at all just doing that and limiting my social activities, because secretly, just between you and me, doing so is a real treat for me, and a productivity booster for my writing.

I also want to get more serious about creating a Complaint-Free world. I've been just diddling with it, and it shows. I'm slowly becoming more aware, but not getting results anything like the people who are committed. I find that I need to be centered and grounded and live at a slower pace to do a good job with this.

Well, I'm off to continue my Monday sabbath. We're having a big storm here and it looks like there's a break in the action so that I can Nordic Walk. I enjoy being available for those weather breaks and darting out between the downpours to breath in the fresh northwest air, and the moist smells of the forest.

~Pictures by LoveHubbie, alteration by Me

Complaint Free World, the Early Days

If you'd like to find out more about creating a Complaint Free World, see my earlier post here. If you don't know how the complaint free bracelet works, find out how here. This video is 2:07.

Please see my Complaint Free Day counter in the right column. I am using an icon from Patty Digh via Rick and Rebecca's NO GWCC (gossip-whine-complain-criticize) Thank you!

Complaint Free World Bracelet Instructions

I really jump-started my Complaint-Free project by including a makeshift bracelet. Find out how here. This video is 2:22. I've been wanting to make shorter videos and break them down so that they are accessible for everyone, but I've been a little cramped for time lately; I'll get back to it soon!





Please see my Complaint Free Day counter in the right column. I am using an icon from Patty Digh via Rick Hamguin and Rebecca's NO GWCC (gossip-whine-complain-criticize) Thank you!

I'm Trucking On!

Hi to everyone! I'm trucking on here with NaNoWriMo, currently at 20, 465 words. And no, I'm not little Miss Perfect, as you'll see in my video here, which is 2:22:



NaNoWriMo has pretty much monopolized my life, which is a good thing actually, because I love to write. Just love it. It's a lot of pressure though to do so every day and to get a certain number of words every day. I know, though, that I'm learning things from the intensity that I could learn no other way, just like I did from BE BRAVE. I'm an intensity fan.

"Life is short. Intensity rules."---Me

So, if you're able to watch the video, you'll see I'm learning from my mistakes. How could I hope for more?

Love to each and every one of you, the ones who comment and to whom I get to wish lots of good things for, and the ones who don't! Peace, love, and joy, O

BE BRAVE: Day 29: Joining My Complaint-Free Sisters and Brother

BE BRAVE, otherwise known as "Do One Thing Every Day That Scares You", is the title of the month-long project inspired by Jessie. I am participating daily for a month. Today is Day 29.

For my BE BRAVE challenge today, I'm joining my complaint-free creative sisters and brother:

Kate I from Through My Lens Lightly
Christine Kane from her blog
Carmen from Strawberries and Champagne
Lori-Lyn from The Dream Life
Rick from Hamguin's Hide-not
Kelly from Kikipotamus the Hobo

All of these women and Rick committed to changing their world by becoming Complaint-Free for the next 30 days. This means no complaints, and no related things---like gossiping, criticizing, judging, etc. The hard part is that this can extend to our thoughts as well, so no inner complaining! Christine Kane lists "10 Irresistible Reasons to Go Complaint-Free Starting Today" on her blog that are sooo enticing. There is also a book, A Complaint Free World: How to Stop Complaining and Start Enjoying the Life You Always Wanted, which I will be reading.

At first I wondered if I could do both Complaint-Free and NaNoWriMo, which starts in less than two hours (Nov 1st). I decided I couldn't NOT do Complaint-Free. It's too compelling, too powerful, too scary---just like BE BRAVE was back in September. It will complement and reframe NaNoWriMo, because I want to approach this important experience with joy (as Jessie showed me in one of her comments a couple of days ago:

"...as for your WORK with nanowrimo--WHAHOOO for you! :) thinking of it as work is a good idea. wow, i mean, i would LOVE to have that job! :)..."

I thought, "Dang! I want to feel this way...why am I not focusing in on my joy?" I realized I've buried it under a heck of a lot of fear. It's still there, though, and I am going to resurrect it and more with Complaint-Free!!

I am, like Kelly, customizing my commitment a little, at least here at the start, as I explain in the two videos below. Each one is just over a minute:

The first video:




The second video: