I Now Have An Editor

Well, the editor I wanted for my book agreed to work with me. I have an editor! (I never thought I'd write this.) There are many reasons that this is a big deal. One is that she is the very best person available for this job. She is familiar with the Hawaiian language and Mauian history. She has published many books and articles and won awards. She is familiar with the Hawaiian publishing environment and thinks that the book will indeed be publishable. Thus, I have an amazing person to help me.

Another is that it validates that I really did write the book and that it is good work. I know that might sound silly. But parts of my writing journey seem almost not real. No one but me has read the manuscript. I don't think that I was sure I was going to finish it until the day before I finished it. I don't think that I knew it was even "good enough" until my editor accepted it. This is what I've always wanted to do and now I've done it and it feels like a dream.

Sometimes people ask me what I do and I say "I'm a writer." They then inevitably say "What have you written?" I say "Lots of things--I journal, I blog, and I write Amazon reviews. Right now I'm writing a book about a sacred place in Maui." Then they say "Have you ever published anything?" I say "No" and they look at me with an odd look and change the subject. I get the feeling that they think my saying that I write is an excuse for something like...oh, I don't know...like eating bon-bons and watching television all day in my pajamas. (The pajama part is true.)

So having an editor validates that all of the hard work I did was real and it steps things up to another level. I'm allowing myself to believe (just a little) that one day it might actually be a hardcopy book. A real book.

I am even thinking that I might just succeed in my purpose with the book: that it might bring much more global attention to Moku`ula, that it will raise funds for Friends of Moku`ula so that the restoration is able to move forward dramatically, and that people will begin to truly believe that the glory will return to Moku`ula.

Where's Olivia?

I have been working on finishing my book on Moku`ula, and then I actually did just that on Friday, can you believe it? And I may already have an editor. I'm submitting my manuscript to her Monday for her to evaluate to see. I need someone very familiar with the Hawaiian language as well as Mauian history. I decided to pick the very best person I could find. So I am honored that she is willing to consider me. 

So I've been working, working, working, like grad school all over again. But I'm done.

I will be posting more here...so stay tuned.

Sacred Life Sunday: Mothers' Day

Mother's Day is normally quite a tough day for me. My biological mother is deceased, but I have very few good memories of her. I'm thinking that there must have been some---there have to have been some---but I just don't remember them now, unfortunately. It's been over 27 years since she died, and the painful memories seem to be all that is left, which is sad, I think. She never wanted to be a mother, never wanted to have me...she felt that I kept her from her dream of being a teacher. She didn't believe in abortion, and in those days (over 50 years ago), you'd have to drop out of college if you became pregnant. Then in subsequent years, she was left alone as my father served in Vietnam multiple times and on other overseas trips as well. She was in such pain that she hit and verbally abused all of us three children for years and years. She never found or made new dreams for herself. I cannot imagine the frustration and misery that she lived with day in and day out that would cause her to act in this way. She always wanted to die more than anything else, and tried to take her own life before she...at last...died right before her 45th birthday of leukemia.

My stepchildren do not acknowledge me as a mother...or sometimes, I think, even as a person or a human being. I think that stepmothers should have a special day to honor them for loving and raising children who are not theirs and often who do not love or respect them. It takes a special grace to be a stepmom and to put your stepchildren's needs in the forefront...especially when you don't have that parental bond of love that naturally takes place between mother and child. So here's to all stepmothers, today!!

I have been incredibly blessed with a special "hanai" (Hawaiian for "adopted") mother, Rose Marie.

She has mothered me for years, and is visiting me this August for my birthday. I haven't seen her in seven years, and I am SO excited.

In addition, I have a lovely mother-in-law, Betty, who is now a widow, and who is sweet and kind and loving.I also know many wonderful mothers of my generation and younger too, who inspire me and show me how to love.

I think that if we look we can always find strong and loving women from whom we can learn and from whom we can receive love. I think that we can also learn to mother ourselves and to give ourselves what we were not given as children.

In writing my present book, the one about Moku`ula (in Hawaii...the archaeological site), my co-writer, Akoni suggested that I investigate my heritage and genealogy. One's heritage and one's ancestors are very important to native Hawaiian people. At first I was...repelled...I pondered this for a time, wondering how I could possibly be interested in doing this. I've spent years trying to put the pain and legacy of my upbringing and my wounded and dysfunctional heritage behind me.

Someone wise then said to me that our parents and grandparents can sometimes be our most powerful teachers in showing us what we do not want, what to avoid. This softened my grief and helped me to look with an open heart at what the people who came before me might have lived to teach me, to pass on. To look at what they might have said could they have articulated their pain, too. It was a healing process...so...

I want to keep my heart open this Mother's Day. LoveHubbie and I are planning to celebrate, going to Seattle and to my now favorite restaurant---Impromptu! LoveHubbie bought me a gorgeous vase of roses and lilies today. I got myself a little necklace that says "mom" on it, with a dove and a little crystal. It's the first thing I've ever had that says "mom" on it.

We are here to learn (I believe) and I have certainly learned a lot from my biological mother Geraldine, my hanai mother Rose Marie, and my mother-in-law Betty. I continue to learn from the peer-mothers I know, too.

Mothering is so complex. Love. Pain. But underneath, if we look for it...is blessing.

Blessings and love to all mothers today.

Sacred Life Sunday: Too Tired to Blog :)

Another Sacred Life Sunday. I don't know what to blog about today but I want to blog and stay in touch with everyone.

It was so great to hear from Kelly with all of her new life changes. And Angela's back! So is Claire! I miss Lori-Lyn's videos, don't you? Did you see Rick reading his poem this week? A bagillion other things going on to. I want to stay in touch.

My life feels like it's in an uproar. I'm very, very tired. I'm having my thyroid checked this week. SO TIRED. Little piddley things have been distracting me from book writing (the Moku'ula book) as well as big things.



The land immediately surrounding our home is going to be up for sale. If we don't buy it then it could be developed. It feels like such an inappropriate time to be borrowing even more money and to be buying more land here instead of something in Hawaii. On the other hand, if we don't buy it, we could be (and probably will be) not in the forest any more. We'll be in a development. And our house could be worth far less. And even more importantly, we'll have an urban lifestyle, which defeats the whole purpose of having a house in the forest. So LoveHubbie and I have been talking about how to do this. I suppose it's never a bad time to buy land (if you can afford it, and we're not sure of that either). On the other hand, my heart is in Hawaii and this is one more tie, one more commitment to the mainland that I don't know that I'm ready to make.



We don't own our own driveway. We have to maintain it, but we actually just have an easement so that we can access our house from the road. Few would buy this precious land to keep the trees; economically, it only makes sense to spend the money if you're going to develop it, or for us---to protect the value and surroundings of our home.

There are things we can't see. Like that perhaps the value of land here will skyrocket and then we'll be able to sell it and afford Hawaii. Or an infinite number of other scenarios. I've been having nightmares about it, just because it's a big committment.

And at the same time on an entirely different note, LoveHubbie is willing for me to go back to Maui to work intensively on the book. If I can get enough done here to make it worth my while. There is so much history to research, so much language to decipher, so many stories to learn of. And each day it seems like the urgencies of the day have prevented my getting to what I want to do most. I feel defeated and like I've accomplished nothing except surviving the day.

So I decided that I'm going to limit my outside activities to one day a week. Right now they're spread all over the place because my schedule is so "flexible". It's time that I really get serious about what I'm wanting to do. Or I will never get it done; I'll be always treading water and swimming in someone else's sea.

Gotta get some energy here.

News about Moku'ula

I have some news about my trip to Maui that I've been waiting a while to share. I think that in the beginning I was so honored and amazed that I wondered if this project was even truly real! My second week in Maui seems in some ways like a dream, a wonderful dream that was actually real.

During my second week there I visited an organization called "Friends of Moku'ula" that was responsible for an incredible walking tour I'd been on 18 months or so before. I hadn't been able to forget about Moku'ula since I'd heard about it and wanted to visit the main offices and become a "Friend".

While there, my vision for Moku'ula was re-ignited. I visited with Akoni Akana, an inspired kumu, Hawaiian cultural expert, and the Executive Director of the Friends of Moku'ula. Moku'ula is a sacred site to the people of Hawaii; it was the spiritual and political center of the Hawaiian Kingdom for hundreds of years. Due to years of cultural upheaval and the influence of missionaries, Moku'ula fell into disrepair and neglect. In the early 1900's it was even covered over and became a baseball field.




Interestingly, the covering over of Moku'ula preserved it.

Now, there is a grassroots effort to restore Moku'ula to the glory it once held and still holds in the hearts of many who love Hawaii. Akoni Akana has a vision for Moku'ula that will restore this vital archaeological site to its former significance, complete with a royal residence, auxillary buildings, a mausoleum, a pond fed by underground springs, educational historical and cultural exhibits, and and more. Even more important than the physical significance and restoration is the spiritual significance of Moku'ula. It symbolizes many Hawaiian values that were suppressed and that unknowing but effectively predatory visitors attempted to stamp out, but that live on nevertheless.




Akoni Akana asked me to help him to tell the story of Moku'ula. I am now writing a book with him about Moku'ula that will be for visitors and tourists and others, to help them to understand the power and significance of Moku'ula. It will tell the stories about Moku'ula that are so important, and that are on the verge of becoming forgotten.

We hope that the restoration of Moku'ula will accelerate as more and more people understand the importance of this vital historic site to the Hawaiian people. Non-Hawaiians too can benefit enormously from learning about and incorporating into their own world-view vital Hawaiian values, such as Lokahi (oneness), Malama (caring for), Pono (Balance), and so much more.

I am very, very honored and blessed to be involved in this project. Although I'll be putting my novel on the back burner for a while, in a way I won't, as the project will assist in my understanding of the Hawaiian people, language, and values in a way that will dramatically enrich my novel; my novel takes place in Maui, of course :)

This brings me one step closer to my dream of living in Maui, and gives me ties to loved ones there in Lahaina. It is more than a project for me...it is my heart.




~Pictures by LoveHubbie Mark (except for pictures of Akoni Akana...not sure where I found them...if you know, please let me know)

Maui 2007 Photos of Cultural Experiences

This is part two of my three part Maui vacation pictures. For me, the heart of my Hawaii visits is always the Hawaiian culture. These are all from our second week of vacation, after our family left and Hubbie and I were on our own. They are all taken by Hubbie Mark or me.

We spent some time at Ho'omana'o, an interactive Hawaiian cultural experience, where we had a chance to "talk story" with Native Hawaiians who demonstrated traditional ways of living the Hawaiian way.




Here I am getting a chance to do a few steps of the hula, which was originally a form of whole-body prayer for Hawaiians. It was prohibited by Christian missionaries for this reason, but also because the attire and movements were considered lascivious. Due to the missionary influence, many Hawaiians converted to Christianity and began to wear Victorian dress. The hula was banned for many years.










I really got into throwing this spear!





We visited a Buddhist temple and saw this peaceful statue of the Buddha, the largest in the US:



By far, the most moving experience of our vacation was going on the Maui Nei Walking Tour. This is something you should not miss if you visit Maui and you love Hawaii. It is a tour of the history of Lahaina, led by a Hawaiian tour guide who weaves her/his experiences and knowledge of history and beliefs into the tour. It encompasses the whaling history, the missionary experience, and of course, the Native Hawaiian culture. Because each tour guide has a different background, the tour can be taken again and again and enjoyed each time.

Here I am waiting for the tour, with no idea of the great impact it would have on me!


The tour was led by Kalani, who "talked story" with us and spent two hours pounding the pavement with us, answering our questions, and revealing fascinating details.


What is with this doll? It is a doll belonging to a missionary's daughter at the Baldwin House, but the look on it's face was definitely unique for a doll and kind of creeped me out. In fact, the whole part the missionaries played in Hawaii kind of creeps me out. They intended to do good, and accomplished much that was good, but their influence began years of oppression of the culture of Native Hawaiians. Fortunately, there is currently a Hawaiian Renaissance---a pro-Native Hawaiian movement---taking place that may prevent the language and traditions from dying out.


Periodically, Wainani Kealoha, our chanter for the tour, would almost ethereally appear, and chant before we entered sacred areas. This added a precious spiritual dimension to the tour.



This is part of the sacred site of Moku'ula, a royal and sacred sanctuary that was buried under a ballpark and is currently in the process of being restored. It moved us in ways that words cannot express. Although we are not Native Hawaiian in our spiritual beliefs, the impact of Moku'ula was undeniable for both of us. We are very supportive of the grassroots effort of the Hawaiian people to reclaim this part of their heritage that was taken from them.


I'll put up the last, and best photos of Maui tomorrow. I hope you enjoy these and they give you a taste of the peace and beauty of Hawaii.