Sacred Life Sunday: Today I Can See

This is a follow-up to this post about my diagnosis with age-related macular degeneration (AMD). It has now been 12 days since my diagnosis. I will be seeing a specialist in Seattle in mid-March for a second opinion and more importantly, more information on the specifics of my diagnosis and prognosis. I am doing well and am adjusting and best of all--today I can see--which I really and truly appreciate like I never have before. I expect I'll feel this way every day from now on.

I have done some things that have been helpful for me, but that maybe everyone can find some inspiration in:

(1) I have hyper-focused my life by evaluating what is truly important if I had, say, six months of vision left. What would I drop out? I'm dropping it out now. Why wait? Big changes in my life here. Everyone could benefit by thinking about this, don't you think?

(2) Although my vision is still poor, I was able to get accurate driving glasses. This means I can drive myself safely places during the day, including to Seattle to keep working on getting the other pairs of glasses I'll need. Instead of being frustrated about how blurry things are, I am grateful for every last little bit of blurry sight. I no longer feel much frustration at all, in fact. Why not always be grateful for what we do have, instead of focusing on what we are missing?

(3) I came up with a personal healing protocol of vitamin supplements (the only known thing that can positively affect AMD) and green superfoods. The doctor's nurse said, "Of course, you might think that this is the last thing you should be hearing from a doctor, and you might be very disappointed, but you need to include some specific things in your diet." I was overjoyed. There was something that I could do and it was something that I understood. Green leafy vegetables. Antioxidant fruits. I'm better with these than most people but not where I need to be, thus the superfood help. All is going well in this area as well. Why not improve our diets before we have to?

(4) I am using things instead of saving them for the future. Today is all we have. For all of us, today is all we have for sure.

(5) I am working to balance the time I spend in my head (previously 100%) with time spent in my body, focused on my body, doing things not involving my eyes and research and writing and thinking and typing and analyzing. Things like yoga. Listening to music. Meditating. Am I doing any of this? No, not yet. Not at all. Yet. But I will. I guarantee you, I will. The resistance I have to doing any of this is enormous, and it involves changing the patterns of over a half-century, but I know that it will still happen. Without striving and pushing, it will happen.

(6) Accepting what I can change and what I cannot change. I am not in control, but God/Spirit/the Universe is. And this is the way it always has been, so acceptance is what is indicated. This helps me to relax and to feel relief and to know that everything is unfolding exactly as it is supposed to.



Today is also my 11th Wedding Anniversary with LoveHubbie Mark ♥

~All photos by LoveHubbie Mark. They are from several years ago, thus the blond hair and warm-looking weather :)

Wellness Wednesday: A Diagnosis

Recently I've been having some trouble with my eyes. I have very good eyes, but many eye issues, some of them genetic, and in addition a really high myopic prescription. I've also had a retinal detachment--about 15 years ago--and eye surgery. Over the years though, my eyes have done a yeoman's job of consistent hard work bearing up with all of the paces I've put them through with voracious reading, computer work, and other types of close work.

About every decade or so my vision changes and it's a big huge deal. Everything I do involves my vision and so it is a challenge to get through my life while dealing with the old glasses that don't work, traveling to get the new prescriptions when I can't see, discovering and dealing with incorrectly made glasses, coping with the frustration of prescriptions that unavoidably need to be tweaked, etc. I need to see at least an opthalmologist, optometrist, and optician and they all have to work together. I now have a good team but it will still take some time to get glasses that work.

I haven't been online as much, and each time I do go on it means dealing with eyestrain, headaches, etc. No more keeping up with my Twitter stream, and barely keeping up with Facebook, everyone's blog, etc. I haven't read a book or written an Amazon review in quite a while.

Then yesterday I had the exam with the opthalmologist. I'm supposed to go every year, but have put it off for three years because I really--really--dislike the retinal exam, and my eyes have been fine. No good excuse, but still...He found two new diseases. The first one is probably/possibly inconsequential--Fuch's guttata--I don't have it too badly at this point. The second one is serious.

So I have macular degeneration. I am pretty young to have it. It may progress slowly or quickly, and there is no way to know, but I need to be very careful with my diet to maximize a slower progression. I may die still being able to see or I may lose my ability to read, see faces, and drive "soon"--whatever that means. Since this was just yesterday I am reeling with the shock of the diagnosis and random ideas like:

• I may only be able to read 100 more books. (See, this was actually true before but I didn't know it...it's true for everyone.)
• Last week I was worried about having time to do art...now I'll be lucky if I can see art.
• I may see my last Maui sunset on our vacation to Maui next month. (Better to be grateful to ever see a Maui sunset!)
• I may someday not be able to keep up with my online community. Or google things.
• My life may be limited in ways I can't imagine soon. 

At the same time I am having other more positive random ideas like:

• I fell several times in the last ten years and never lost my vision (I have weak retinas)--I have been blessed every time. 
• My life is not in danger from this.
• Some things are way, way more important than they were a couple of days ago. Some things are much less important. Things are moving into perspective--a good thing.
• Many people have low or no vision and have full lives.
• Change is inevitable.
• Each one of us has challenges and limitations due to disease and/or aging, and I am incredibly blessed to have health insurance, the financial resources to address this, and nutritional knowledge which may now help to save my sight. 
• God and/or a Loving Universe will not give me more than I can handle, and all will be well.

It takes time to process a difficult medical diagnosis. Doing so is life-changing. Having lots of feelings--even being an emotional basket case for a while--is totally normal. So that's what I'm up to. I've been having some tough days...and...all is well.

All is well.