Wellness Wednesday: Well Lifestyle Experiments, An Invitation!

Today on Wellness Wednesday I wanted to launch a new series here at the happyluau called "Well Lifestyle Experiments" (WLE). I invite each of you to join in! This series will focus on healthy lifestyle habits, healthy aging, well being, and experimenting with supportive habits. It is an EXPERIMENT--for me, for you. With each post, I'll focus on one thing that I want to experiment with and invite you to consider it too--of course modifying it to fit your unique lifestyle and way of being in the world. In the comments we can discuss this topic and share how it's working out for us as well.

The goal of Well Lifestyle Experiments for both of us will be to figure out which habits or ideas support the lifestyle we want and which ones we want to sustain and incorporate into who we are. And to encourage each other on our journeys to live healthier, feel better, think supportively, and be authentic. So if you are reading this, consider yourself invited!


I have a wealth of ideas to start with. Initially, I'm going to choose meaningful practices from several sources: 


(1) Lessons--incredible lessons--I learned from my visit with Kelly Kikipotamus the Hobo in March. 


(2) Ideas from friends who have embraced a well-being focus, like Kate Iredale. 


(3) The Radiant Goddess e-course that I am taking, along with my friends Lori-Lyn Hurley and Jessie Marianiello. 


(4) Stuff I read elsewhere, things that the Universe serendipitously brings my way. 


(5) Great ideas you mention to me in the comments that make me want to blog and share them with everyone, instead of leaving them semi-buried and away from the search engines. 


The cool thing is that as we are going along, helping each other, I'm thinking that others will find these posts and be inspired to create healthier lifestyles, maybe in just one small area--but every small step can make a really big difference over time! Many lives can be changed for the better. 

Ask For Help

One lesson I learned while visiting my friend in Arizona was to ask for help when I need it.

I am not used to traveling alone. On this particular day (Thursday before last) I was on a long bus (two whole buses joined together) trying to get off with a very heavy carry-on and another heavy personal bag. I needed both hands though to get down the steps of the bus and to then jump the distance to the curb. I tried various ways to pull both the suitcases and myself down and out and just couldn't do it. There were many people around me, mainly young men, and they watched, which made me feel even worse.

Finally I threw my personal bag out of the bus. It landed right-side-up with everything intact. With a push I let my carry-on tumble out of the bus and onto the curb. I then held onto the rails with both hands and got down the stairs (I have a leg problem that makes it hard for me to go down stairs). I pictured the young people laughing at me for having so much trouble (this was a total figment of my imagination). I jumped from the last step to the curb, which was quite painful. Then I burst into tears as the bus hurried away. I allowed myself to cry for a minute or so, then picked everything up and continued on. The mechanics of traveling had worn me down and I'd needed to just stop and let things go.

When I was telling my therapist about this after the trip, she asked me why I hadn't simply asked for help. I could have asked the bus driver (even though he was far in the front section of the two-section bus) and offered him a tip, or I could have asked any of the many people in the bus. It honestly hadn't occurred to me at all. I of course would help someone in my situation, but who would want to help me? Obviously, people might want to, or would want to, and so my attitude of just assuming they wouldn't told me a great deal about myself here.

Some people want to help. Others don't. That's okay. And it's fine to ask for help when we need it.

In many ways, lately, this late bloomer is just starting to feel like I'm beginning to grow up.

How I Really Lost the Weight

Based on the comments on my post from yesterday, I wanted to clarify a few things about my weight loss.

I do highly recommend Marianne Williamson's new book--A Course in Weight Loss--if you are metaphysically oriented. Otherwise you will not enjoy the book. I was talking to LoveHubbie about it and he thought things like "being in your body" were "mumbo jumbo..." "Where else would I be?", he wondered, and could not understand it no matter how I tried to explain it. It is a very metaphysical book from the perspective of the "A Course in Miracles" (ACIM) study path and is excellent. If you like ACIM, you'll like the book. For me, though, the book alone would have not been sufficient. I own most of the best weight loss books that exist--I'm convinced of that.

My very favorite book is "Transformational Weight Loss" by Charles Eisenstein.  See some of my TWL posts from two years ago here. Here is another book by Charles Eisenstein called "The Yoga of Eating". These are great. I had lots of insights and changed for a short time. But the net result of a "bibliotherapy alone" approach for me was no substantial change.

For me, it took more than just books.

I knew I needed support as well. I had a diet buddy--Kat--and four people who followed me and offered support on my private diet blog. I had to be accountable to post my weight every day. And blog about my progress or lack of progress. And some of my feelings, too, which was as important. Was I dealing with my feelings by eating? I knew I couldn't cheat and not have to discuss it the next day. Which I did--cheat and then discuss it. But there were people coming along with me.

In addition, the people at the chiropractor's office, including my chiropractor and his receptionist were doing the diet along with me, so I would phone my weight into them weekly as well. This was support for me.

Plus I did the new form of tapping that I am studying intensively called "faster EFT". At first I did it very little and had enormous resistance to using it. Now it is a spiritual practice for me. This has been a great side effect of the diet. It is a life skill and spiritual practice that I want to be permanent as it is a great emotional management tool and spiritual centering tool.

Using fasterEFT, I would tap for cravings. And tap late at night when I usually eat. And tap for troubling emotions during the day. So I was dealing with my feelings instead of avoiding them.

Lastly, the homeopathic drops. I needed physiological help. Most of you who are readers of my blog know that I am ardently anti-diet. At the same time, my metabolism was messed up. Plus I was hypoglycemic and couldn't eat any less than I was already eating. I was hungry most of the time anyway, and would often get hypoglycemic and sick when I would try to wait to eat. I was eating very cleanly, low glycemic, sugar-free and as little as I could anyway---that was my eating style. Still, I felt tired and starving and was filled with cravings at 220 pounds! So I needed some type of "metabolic reset", and for me, for some unknown reason, the homeopathic hcg drops worked. At least today, on the second day of maintenance, my metabolism feels healthy, I don't feel tormented by cravings, I am not obsessed by trying to hold myself back from food, and I feel good. I have felt good for weeks.

People say, "It's easy to lose weight; it's keeping it off that's hard." Well, for me, losing weight has been hard my whole life.

I have tried many other diets over the years out of desperation and couldn't lose weight on them even when I was much younger and thinner. When Nutri-System first came out I was in college and tried them for a month. They ended up refunding my money because I didn't lose weight! At that time, I was playing women's ice hockey and only eating their food at a price I couldn't afford. And they had a nurse who monitored you to make sure you stayed in ketosis. I still couldn't lose weight. So this has been a lifelong problem.

I cannot imagine being successful without this multi-pronged approach. Each part was essential. All of them worked together and any one alone would have been very nice and interesting and helpful but not sufficient. 

Some more helpful components:

• The strict protocol on the hcg diet, and my following it for the most part, even on Thanksgiving.
• The example of LoveHubbie who is diabetic and my friend Akoni who is dying of diabetes--I saw my future, since I am pre-diabetic.
• Getting caught in the bus turnstile in Brazil. And barely fitting in the plane seats. Knowing I was almost "too fat to fly". 
• Not fitting into my 2X (size 20W-22W) clothes...not being willing to special order 3X clothes. 

For me (since I have so much more weight to lose--I weigh 193 but I fit into blue jeans!) this is just the start of a journey. I am doing what feels like "repatterning" (a Marianne Williamson word)--changing how I do many of the things in my life one step at a time. The challenge before me is maintaining my new weight or pretty close to it at a much higher calorie level, through the holidays and a vacation--and then later in the spring tackling the next round of the homeopathic hcg diet.


~Photo by Roderick Lee Dail 30 years ago

Life is Short, Let Go of Striving

I wanted to share with my happyluau readers something from my private homeopathic hcg diet blog, edited and enhanced here, because it relates to life in general, and some of you may find something to encourage or inspire you in it.

I mean this in a good way, that I'm not going to be trying to figure out what my body is doing with respect to weight loss, but just doing the very best I can, letting my body do its thing and not worrying.

I wrote about something in a comment about self-beatings. I grew up being beaten up physically (and verbally) almost daily by my mother. I got used to this. As part of my personal growth journey, I've tied the way I've used food to these beatings. I would overeat and feel badly and then punish myself with my thoughts. This deeply held pattern was carrying on my mother's horrible legacy in a particularly mean way. I don't want to do this to myself! So my goal now is to either: Choose to eat, to enjoy it, and not beat myself up about it; or choose to tap*, or not eat, and not feel deprived either. Just choose. And be gentle. And enjoy.

Overeating, though, is not really enjoying. Eating what my body wants is.

At 53, I probably will only live (at most) 17-40 more years. That's not many to me! And that's if I don't get hit by a bus or have an aneurysm or something like that. I continually remember what happened to Chani--my very intimate friend who died unexpectedly at 58. I don't want to carry on my mother's legacy or do anything more to myself or to anyone else that isn't kind, gentle, and loving. I don't want to abuse myself anymore by overeating, but instead use food for what it was intended--health, delight, celebration, joy, fuel--in quantities easily handled by my body. Sometimes I won't get it right, but that's okay. I want to be a good healthy weight. So that I can move around and not hurt so much in my remaining years. 

No one will be looking at me in my coffin knowing or caring if I was 176 or 183 or 192.8 pounds. (Actually I'm going to be cremated so no one will be looking at me period.) And no one will care what I did on the hcg diet--if it was 24 pounds I lost or 28 or 34 or 40. I don't even care too much now, although I do want the hard work and missed good meals to pay off. 

I just want to be GOOD to myself. As good as I am to everyone else, better even. Gentle, kind, sweet. That's all, now.

PS. I am tapping a lot lately. Really getting into it as an almost meditation practice.

PPS. I was highly, highly inspired by Patti Digh's post yesterday on "Letting Go of Striving". What wisdom! I think/hope I am doing this with respect to my weight. Years ago...I was 24 years old...a prophet "had a word for me" (this was someone who didn't know me at all, and the only time this ever happened), and it was "Stop striving!" So it has taken me almost thirty years, but I think I am finally learning how to do this.

*"tapping" refers to "fasterEFT" the protocol and philosophy of EFT (a type of energy work combining a sort of acupressure with neurolinguistic programming and hypnosis)  I am now learning.

This "letting go of striving" that Patti writes about is probably the biggest lesson I wish I'd learned when I was younger. Knowing what really matters.

Today, let go of striving. Be gentle with yourself and with others. Accept yourself and enjoy your days. Remember Chani, who thought she had forever--she didn't and neither do you. You have today, so celebrate and be good to yourself, my dear sweet friends. Enjoy this day, which is filled with blessings.

~Photo is old photo of Chani of when she was much younger, one that she especially liked, edited by me.

Sacred Life Sunday: The Fragility of Life and Diabetes

Today in church I heard much about the fragility of life. It really got me thinking. I've had a lot of feedback about my post yesterday, all of which I really appreciate, even though some of it was not positive. Yes, it's true: I have a family member who is reliably negative about everything I do. This person took my post as "a big long whine" and a plea for support. I did a lot of thinking about how this post may have come across. I like to use my family member to flesh out the gnarly side of life. So I wanted to clarify a few things.

I appreciate the support I get here so much. It is my main support in life, and I really do value it so much.

With my lifestyle changes...I fully expect that I will be the one who has to do most of the supporting of myself, and as I mentioned, this ongoing support, almost a positive kind of brainwashing, will be vital. I need to constantly remind myself of what I'm doing and why. I need to feed my mind supportive literature and podcasts and self-talk. I need to buck the culture that pushes me to eat certain things for social reasons. That's been my downfall in the past.

Not everyone needs to eat a rigorous diet. Moderation is a beautiful way of living and I believe in it. Green smoothies (not just a food item but an way of eating popularized by Victoria Boutenko in 2005 in her book "Green for Life" and others) are working out well for Julia. I drank green smoothies for months when I was totally raw and also at another time when I was without most of my teeth and yet wanted to keep a clean diet; again, a healthy way of ingesting nutrients. I have training as a raw chef, have been vegetarian and vegan and totally raw, and as I wrote, am familiar with many other different healthy ways of eating and of weight management, having studied nutrition for over thirty years. I am talking about something quite a bit different. Something that has to do with the fragility of life.

I have a friend, a Hawaiian teacher (kumu), the one I was writing my book with initially. He has diabetes, just like my husband, and just like I will if I keep on eating healthfully while including carbohydrates in my diet. In the almost three years that I have been working on my book, my friend has gone from being healthier than I am, to being ill, to losing his eyesight and then one by one, each of his legs and most of his fingers. Diabetes is a special disease. It may seem to be a common problem, more of an inconvenience almost, and it is, but it can suddenly and without warning, turn deadly. Peripheral neuropathy is incredibly painful. So I saw my friend deteriorate swiftly and surely.

Diabetes must be taken seriously. I see my husband going down a similar path to that of our friend's. Someone who knows he has diabetes baked him special treats and sweets for Christmas as a loving gift of her expertise, not really understanding that for a diabetic, sugar is a killer...someone in his office baked him homemade goods daily for weeks and would leave them in the break room for him, because he is such a hard worker and deserves them, in her mind. He has progressed to the point where he will need to begin to inject insulin soon, despite all of the medication he is taking, because he can not seem to modify his diet. He is tired all the time and continues to gain weight.

It is up to the individual to make intensely personal decisions about how stringently they need to eat and what they want their quality of life to be. After extensive research first for LoveHubbie and now for myself, I know exactly how to eat. I have just delayed. Been afraid of change and allowed myself to buy into a story that makes it "hard" for me to do anything else. But I can just as easily do the hard work of being different and having a different story. This is what I've decided to do!

So I meant the post from yesterday to be kind of a confession of my general laziness and of my ability to buy into a "oh I can just live like everyone else" type of denial. I didn't mean it as a whine but as a transparency of my hitting bottom that is hopeful and exciting and adventurous because I've finally gotten the message. I can indeed write the story of my life differently, and I am ready to do the work. I can and will show the integrity that is so important to me and so vital to my experience of who I am in the world.

I appreciate your reminders to be gentle and compassionate with myself and I will. I promise.

Most important of all, I've truly realized in the last day or so that it is absolutely, positively A-OK that change is hard and uncomfortable right now. I've let that stop me for too long. I've let it discourage me and dissuade me from doing what I know is right for me. Hard---okay, check. Yes, yes. Uncomfortable---okay, check. Yes, absolutely. I can handle this. I'll do the mindful thing. Breathe. Get through this. Observe. Breathe. I know that my path is leading me toward abundant life, which is all that matters to me right now.

This road is not for everyone. But I can say that I wish that it had been the road for my friend. And that I wish it will be some day for LoveHubbie. And that I'm glad it's here for me to provide an alternative for me.

Thank each one of you for what you wrote, and to those who supported me off the blog as well (especially@livinlowcarbman). A special thanks to my cranky family member whom I love and who brings out the negative in every situation---you are my greatest teacher on the road to love.


~Photo from 1980 taken by Roderick Lee Dail

Livin' With Integrity and La Vida Low-Carb and Me

This morning I rewatched an Amazon video review I did for Jimmy Moore's first book called "Livin' La Vida Low-Carb" and almost cried. Here it is 2.5 years later, and as much as I believe in this way of eating, I am still just as heavy. My extensive knowledge base has been bolstered by numerous other books about healthy eating since then, the two most notable being Gary Taubes' "Good Calories, Bad Calories" (especially for academicians and scientists) and Nora Gedgaudes "Primal Body Primal Mind".

I definitely know how to eat for my own health, as nutrition has been my hobby for over thirty years. The problem is that as extensive as my knowledge base is, I've continued to eat a diet that despite lots of Nordic walking and gyrotonics, keeps me heavy. It's a good diet--healthy whole organic foods, which are easy to find where I live. It just keeps me heavy and does nothing for my damaged blood sugar regulation system. Despite even cutting out drinking alcohol (a drastic step for me as a wine lover), I've become pre-diabetic. And then late last year I had to stop gyrotonics because of health issues. Now I'm having to cut back on walking due to problems with my knees and feet. I do believe that these health problems are weight related. Besides all of this going on with me, LoveHubbie is diabetic, heavy and soon may need to begin injecting insulin since the medication alone cannot overcome the effects of the carbohydrates in his diet.

So now Jimmy Moore has written a second book called "21 Life Lessons From Livin' La Vida Low-Carb: How The Healthy Low-Carb Lifestyle Changed Everything I Thought I Knew", which I have delayed reviewing. And reading it, btw. This is not like me because Jimmy is the greatest guy in the world, and I love to do book reviews for people I know, even more for those who have an important message. But still, I have delayed.

The reason is fear.

Although I identify with this way of eating (healthy low carb), with this way of being in the world, and although I feel great when I live this lifestyle--I am afraid to change. I am comfortable and my way of doing things works for me on every other level except my health. And I really don't like that period of change at the beginning when change is hard and uncomfortable and takes effort and hard work.

So here I stay.

False starts and stumbles over the past months have left me feeling defeated. I watch my friends succeed and do great things. Like Julia Rogers Hamrick who is eating a healthy raw and whole foods diet and shedding pounds. And Lori-Lyn who is vegan and now giving up sugar. And Chani who has lost her weight with Weight Watchers. They have found what works for them, ways of being in the world that resonate for them, and live them out. I am envious of their integrity--that they live out what they know is right for them. They walk their talk.

And here I sit.

But I feel like I've hit bottom and I'm sitting AT the bottom--a place where I don't want to be.

So I'm going to make another beginning. I'm starting right now to eat the way I know my body loves. I'm going to care for myself. Be congruent with what I know and believe and with how I behave. I'm going to aggressively support myself in doing this, too, because I need a lot of support.

Oh, and yes, Jimmy, I'm going to actually read your book that has been sitting here on my "To Be Read ASAP" pile for the last three months. Then I'm going to review it. But most importantly, I'm going to live out what it says.